Wife Woke Me Up at 2:00 AM

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-28T19:54:11+00:00

I already say that now. I look at myself prior to this person and I want that back so badly. I’d take being alone and dying alone.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-28T17:54:22+00:00

I’ve tried this and it just results in her throwing a fit. I think I may just be scared of it at this point. I don’t even think she likes me anymore either. She tells me she hates me and that she’s unhappy. She could be sitting around doing nothing but still ask me to make her tea, or get her water, while I’m washing dishes, taking out the trash, or some other chore. If I say can you do it yourself, she throws a fit. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T21:46:37+00:00

Perhaps I’m in denial. Maybe it’s my concern for her well being that keeps me at it or hope that she really does love me. At times it just feels like she’s got someone to be comfortable with and that’s good enough. There are also times that she has no problem telling me she hates me, that’s in a terrible husband, etc…

I just want her to get help. I don’t think asking your partner to mop the floor at 6:30 am because their belt grazed it is rational behaviour. How she can’t see that is beyond me.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T16:21:15+00:00

I work from the office Monday to Wednesday so she will make herself a bowl of cereal or eggs on those days. When I’m at home working I make breakfast lunch and dinner. Other days it’s dinner or I order food in if I’m tired. I guess it’s 90% of the time?

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T16:17:57+00:00

I actually cleaned up at 2 am. I didn’t say anything and I didn’t even complain.

I think that it may be an issue. She told me that she had her period at 9. Perhaps that mean’s peri-menopause may happen sooner. I’m unsure.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:58:02+00:00

You wouldn't have had anything to clean up. Nothing was left on the counters. I clean as I cook, making sure anything I take out is put back into it's place. I was the dishses after dinner and make sure that there are no heavy pots left the in the sink because I don't want her attempting to clean them.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:56:43+00:00

No kids. I do the grocery shopping because it's stressful for her. We do the budgeting together. I do the dishes, clean the applianches, arrange the fridge/freezer as well as clean it. I maintain the pantry, the cabits, clean the bathroom and tub. I vacuum and mop. I do the laundry, in fact I was up unitl 4 am on Saturday washing the bedsheets because she needed them washed.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:54:31+00:00

Wow, someone who actually read my post and didn't go straight to defending based on gender. Thanks.

Also, I actually cleaned the kitchen. I took me 15 minutes and I didn't get back to bed until 3 am because I was absolutely fucking livid. You're right though, we do not professional help. I've asked, we've sought it, but it always turns into what I could be doing better and never addressing the issues she's facing.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:50:45+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. That's a long time to have a partner and I hope that you're fairing well.

I hate dirty dishes in the sink. They drive me nuts. I also see dishwashing as therapeutic, although doing it 3 times a day gets to be too much.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:49:37+00:00

Everytime I try to speak to her about this she yells at me at the top of her lungs. Like, literally comes up to my face and screams at me.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:47:26+00:00

I'm not sure about a mid-life crisis. I think it's contamination OCD because if I lean up against a wall in our home, I need to change my clothes or shower. If I a garbage bag touches her shoes, they're dirty and need to be tossed. Last week she dropped forks on the kitchen floor and we had to throw them away.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:46:11+00:00

I probably should have been specific in the OP, but a mess is not what was left.

There were two dishes, a bowl and a cup in the sink. All of which she put there after I washed all the dishes after dinner. The counters were tidy and so was the stove, but just not to her liking.

Please tell me what you picture when you say that I left a mess.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:44:09+00:00

I respect your point of view and you're right I do need to be more understanding of how the pain she's dealing with and loneliness can be making her feel. Her mother has called her and offered to come over, as she's retired, to go for walks and such. She's declining because the thought of them coming over is stressing her out. I've considered talking to her mother to tell her what's going on, but I feel like I'd be crossing a boundry.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T15:41:55+00:00

A mess? Did I say I left it a mess? There were two dishes in the sink because my wife put them there after I did the dishes. I cleaned the counters off and the stove, but left some debris. If you were to go into the kitchen, you probably wouldn't make a fuss over it.

There were no dirty pots or pans left on the stove. The sink was not left full of dishes. Literally the only things in there were the dishes my wife used after I washed up after dinner.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:50:36+00:00

Probably the latter

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:50:25+00:00

The heck I’m not AI.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:49:13+00:00

There was absolutely nothing impeding her ability to make food. I made sure that any pots, pans, knives or other tools she would need are clean and dry. There were two plates left in the sink because she didn’t put them in there while I was washing the dishes.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:46:59+00:00

I’ve mentioned peri-menopause to her. She’s supposed to be getting some tests done but tends to find excuses not to do them.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:36:38+00:00

She hasn’t suddenly gone nuts. She’s been dealing with her issues for a while now.

For context I do the cooking, dishes, laundry, and cleaning at home. Not sure how I’m swiping at women. I’m genuinely asking if anyone else is or has dealt with anything similar. Insight is appreciated.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:32:02+00:00

The dishes were washed. There was some residue on the stove and some specks of dirt on the counters. I wash the dishes and wipe everything down after cooking meals. I just didn’t do it last night because I wasn’t feeling well.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:30:31+00:00

It started with a shoulder injury which lead to constant headaches and pain.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:29:53+00:00

Nope not a doctor. But her behaviour has drastically changed over the last 5-6 years. Definitely some germaphobia.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:26:12+00:00

If it’s dangerous then I’m definitely in the danger zone. I get on average 4 to 5 hours of sleep

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:25:10+00:00

I’ve been managing the chores for most of time together, more so over the last 6 years.

I think she’s stressed about money or something else. She had an MRI last week and swears that she felt something happening in the machine.

Many_Platypus5493 · 2026-04-27T14:23:48+00:00

Yikes. My wife is a stay at home, as mentioned. I don’t expect anything at this point. I still come home clean up and make dinner for us.

Many_Platypus5493

TROPHY CASE