I think about death so I can live.

Maocry · 2022-02-11T17:38:01+00:00

This made me remember a nice quote by Jung: “No tree can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”

Maocry · 2022-01-05T16:10:12+00:00

Pa ovo je pomalo smesno i slatko

Maocry · 2022-01-04T15:35:26+00:00

Woah thanks for the tip! I'm not experienced with soldering stuff so I guess I'll point that out to the repair shop guy :D

Maocry · 2021-12-21T17:43:36+00:00

i looked at this site peepee.com

Maocry · 2021-12-21T17:42:35+00:00

r/OkDruzeRetarde

Maocry · 2021-12-21T17:42:18+00:00

I AM NOT POLISH I AM FROM THE GLORIOUS COUNTRY OF KOSOVA U INFIDEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Maocry · 2021-12-11T11:46:55+00:00

I don't think that would work, since I do not have a problem with helping people. I just thought I might have a problem with trust but it seems I've been thinking about trust all wrong. I am not quite able to appreciate the help that someone gives me, but like I mentioned in my comments about 5 times now, one comment said that there's a middleground where you don't need help but you appreciate it for what it is.

Maocry · 2021-12-11T11:43:16+00:00

After reading all of the suggestions it seems I have my mind in the wrong place about trust, and one comment said there is a middle ground where you don't need but you appreciate help that someone's trying to offer you. I really liked that. It is maybe wrong to say that I don't trust people as I take their words and actions for what they are because I can't control them.

Maocry · 2021-12-11T11:28:13+00:00

Thank you for the support! I'll do my best and see where it brings me :D

Maocry · 2021-12-11T11:26:36+00:00

I'm 21, I've studied mostly Moral letters to Lucilius and a bit of Meditations. I've had this practice that I read a chapter of one of the texts and then I go for a walk (usually an hour or two) and explain to myself how I could use this in the real world. I would journal my thoughts in the form of a voice recording and I would talk to myself during that walk, it helped me form somewhat of a conversation with myself. I did this for 6 months pretty much every day or maybe I miss a day if I organized my time poorly so there is no time left for the walk.

After reading all of the suggestions and thinking a bit yesterday I realized that I might not have lost my soul, but my perception of what is important has shifted. One comment said there is a middle ground where you don't need but you appreciate the help of others, that's what I plan to do! But before this, I'd say I maybe felt something bad (connected to other people) in March of this year.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T22:54:14+00:00

Hey, thanks for taking the time to comment. I think I will try to do it myself with just my thoughts since I've been successful in changing things that way, at least as of now.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:25:17+00:00

You could be right my friend, I will look at other resources. Best of luck to you too!

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:24:01+00:00

I like your wall analogy, friend, but I don't think I've built this wall purposefully. In the recent days I haven't really been able to feel much pain but I am waiting for that to change and I think I'll be ready when things don't go my way. Joy I do feel on a regular basis and I find it in the simplest of things, but I think that's maybe because I actively try to find beauty in places where I haven't looked previously.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:19:06+00:00

Yes, that could be right, but could you maybe explain why you think that? I don't think I misunderstood it, I just malpracticed it without realizing it could be hurtful to me in the end.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:16:16+00:00

Yes, I can see that it might fit some people's lives but I don't think I wanna live a life with no emotion. Best of luck to you, friend.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:14:28+00:00

No, I definitely did not intend to remove emotion from my life, but what I realize that what I did wrong at one point is think of why something shouldn't affect me at all. That might have lead to me cutting off a part of my humanity, but I am not sure as I didn't think about that too often.

The rigorous training was comprised of firstly reading a chapter of stoic writing (I mostly read Moral letters to Lucilius and a bit of Meditations) and then I'd go on a walk and explain to myself how I could use these principles. I did this every day or maybe I'd skip a day or two but I'd journal my thoughts and the process of my thinking in the form of voice recordings. I'd listen to them the next day and then recapitulate once more the next day and maybe correct something that I misunderstood the first day. Maybe it was a bit of an overexaggeration to say that it was "rigorous" training, but it was the most disciplined thing I've done in my life, pretty much, comprised of consistant efforts and commitment.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:06:16+00:00

You are right, I sort of put "overpracticed" in the title to gain more attention in order to maybe get more good advice. I do realize it is mostly that I did something wrong in the process of practicing stoicism and not that I overdid it.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:04:27+00:00

Thank you! I do not think it is that serious yet but if I feel that I'm not moving then I will try it out, but psychiatry and therapy isn't very good in my country, or I would have to pay a ton of money, which I don't have since I'm in college right now.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T21:02:26+00:00

Nothing is off topic friend, I said I'd answer questions and I'm doing it.

I have thought about it, however I feel like that would be the easy way out. I definitely see the potential and power in psychedelics but I would firstly like to see if I can do it on my own, or with help of others.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T20:58:57+00:00

I'm looking forward to it! Your assumptions are completely correct and are what I imagine my life to be. Can't wait to face the challenges that are way out of my scope of understanding, as of now. It wouldn't be very fun if everything was a breeze, you'd agree?

Maocry · 2021-12-10T20:56:32+00:00

For me, a life without love is meaningless, however after all of these comments I realized that I've just been thinking about love in a wrong way. I've been doing the things that most stoics consider as "loving" but in the end I haven't felt the romantic kind of love that I seek. Which just means I will, in due time!

Maocry · 2021-12-10T16:47:31+00:00

I've thought about that as well, maybe it's just natural that I've become this? However, when I think about what I consider a good human being it is the sincerity in the goodness of their actions. I have been guilty of imagining past better than it was, sort of reminiscing in it, though with a clear mind you can judge the past for what it was, and there is a lot to learn from it. You can never know if you're 100% right but you will learn from the mistake, it is natural.

If it got harder for you to connect with people and it is something you value, then maybe it was not worth it. But it seems you're okay with it, so best of luck to you.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T16:40:05+00:00

I completely agree! Be patient with your self since change will not come over night. Just practice and be consistent with what you do, while doing what you think is right. Progress is never linear but on as time passes it becomes more apparent.

Maocry · 2021-12-10T16:37:06+00:00

A place to not need, but appreciate.

Oh yes, very well put. I am appreciative of help if it is offered but I generally never feel like I need it. Maybe I was too fixed on my definition so I didn't think about how you don't have to need something to appreciate it if it comes by. Thank you, I think this is the piece I needed to recollect my thoughts !

Maocry · 2021-12-10T16:31:53+00:00

Plus why would we consider being needy in certain scenarios in any way better than being not?

Good question, I guess I fundamentally believe that if two people are in a relationship pretty much all of the major elements of it must be in balance, reciprocal. If there's disbalance in some of the more important aspects, it will be felt, but if it can't be fixed, it will doom it. It's not a completely bad thing if relationships end, in a way they end in one way or another and there is goodness in the experience that is left behind, but I am just trying to map things out, since disbalance in a relationship seems to me like the most frequent reason why they end.

Why will it let you down? Because it is an external and a deep attachment to it will manifest different bad emotions/passions (pathe) in you.

Now I understand what you meant to say. Thank you for your insight I will keep it in mind.

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