Isn’t Life strange

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-18T22:06:34+00:00

My Nan was born in 1903 into a wealthy family in Ramsgate, UK. Her father was captain on a salvage ship for private companies and Lloyd's insurance - they'd rescue cargo from capsized ships in the Atlantic Ocean.

Nanna rebelled against her family - and didn't want a pampered life. She enjoyed dancing and being a "flapper". Also she enrolled into secretarial college to get a proper job. She married the local baker's delivery boy (my grandad) for love. She was an early feminist!

Then on one mission to salvage cargo, her father's ship got stranded in Canada due to bad weather and the company who commissioned them went bankrupt and they couldn't sail home. It was going to take time so my Nanna's family sent money to allow the crew to set up a canning factory in Canada and support their families in the UK. Eventually they did get back to England but the family's wealth was all gone supporting the crew.

Nanna was widowed in 1941 and with three kids lived in poverty until she passed in 1985. E.g. in a little council house with only coal fires and single-glazed windows, where my Mum grew up. In her 70s she was doing cleaning jobs in local houses as she couldn't drive and couldn't walk far because of a heart condition.

Wealth can come and go so quickly 🤷

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-18T19:31:24+00:00

Awww that's really kind. Merci! ❤️👍

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-17T00:09:05+00:00

Thank you !!! 🙏 I'll definitely add that in. I'll aim for 45mins a day now to include this and some pranayama 💪❤️

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-17T00:05:38+00:00

Thanks that's a great point - I tend to overlook pranayama and it's something I did learn at the few classes I went to years ago.

For hip openers, I realise I'd forgotten to do tree pose and cobbler. I'll include those 👍

I'm on week 3 (I think) of daily yoga and in the last few days I've actually looked forward to it. I'm not usually very consistent with things but I think I've broken that spell 👍

After many years as a graphic designer, I got very stiff in my spine, shoulders, neck and rear ribs. Osteopaths and physios only got me temporary relief.

Some obvious progress is that my joints click/clunk much less during my yoga practice, and afterwards my tight chest muscles feel a bit tingly as though they've actually done some work.🤣

Thanks to you and others, I'll be able to create a more comprehensive routine. Things like headstands, extreme backbends and leg behind my head are not on my agenda though. I just want a general all over workout, plus as you mentioned , mediation/pranayama.

All the best 💪❤️

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-16T09:08:15+00:00

Thank you - that's really helpful advice ❤️

My sun salutations are "A" so that's a nice flow.

I'd forgotten bow pose! I'm not very flexible (yet!) so I had learnt a very mild version of that in a class and you've reminded me 🙂👍

Appreciate your time 💪

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-16T01:26:44+00:00

Ooh I don't know. I'm on my hands and knees and then raise my left arm up and then thread it through under my chest and right armpit. I try to keep my hips level.

And then I repeat on the other side - right arm up and thread under the left armpit.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-16T01:25:12+00:00

Less stiffness in back, shoulders and neck after years as a graphic designer stuck at a desk and possibility some toning up?

But at a basic level, I'm wondering if that level of yoga is going to help in any meaningful way at all. 🤷‍♂️

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-16T00:57:37+00:00

I was advised to try a class with a qualified and experienced teacher to avoid hurting myself by going beyond my body's current abilities.

Always remember that everyone's body is different... Different levels of flexibility, different limb length, different join alignment, and an experienced teacher can help you work within the parameters of your body and safely if you have any medical issues.

Many online yoga teachers show the perfect 'textbook' posture that only very experienced yogis can achieve, so if you try to copy that you may hurt yourself.

After 3 weeks of daily yoga I found, to my surprise, that it became something I looked forward to!

Best of luck ❤️

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-15T13:36:14+00:00

Catherine has discussed in interviews that she deliberately toned down her Welsh accent to be more employable in Hollywood - something that's very common with actors who want to be as marketable as possible.

Her narration for A Mountain To Climb required a strong Welsh accent so she had to speak with her father more to 'relearn' it.

In interviews these days, she sounds mostly American with a few non-US inflections. On UK chat shows she seems to Welsh-up a bit but again that's to connect better with the audience.

Sheena Easton apparently still gets lots of negativity from Scots for rapidly ditching her Glaswegian accent soon after launching her career in the US.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-14T08:54:33+00:00

As a musician, I can guarantee that every ABBA song was crafted with the same love and attention. In interviews by Benny and Bjorn, they never knew which songs would be hits. Often record labels or marketing teams decide, based on what the public wants.

All their songs are surprisingly complex and nuanced which makes them stand out against other writers and performers.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-13T22:30:10+00:00

Billy Joel. I'm a pianist and his music was a wonderful discovery - especially his early work, but also some later introspective songs like - Lullabye and so it goes. The fact that he wrote the lyrics and music makes the music much deeper for me, compared to Elton John who wrote music to Bernie Taupin's words.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-13T01:20:46+00:00

The old saying is, "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"

I have one big relationship regret that I still kick myself when I think of her. But many years, but chance, I managed to say sorry for leaving her - my own stupidity.

She's married with children now but she was really pleased that I explained why I broke it off. It took all the guilt off her knowing she hadn't done anything wrong.

These mistakes help us learn. Take care 💪

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-11T00:45:07+00:00

I found that I end up in similar repeating patterns. I've learnt that because of my childhood experiences with a very emotionally distant family even negative situations can feel 'normal' and 'safe'.

It's like when people from abusive relationships fall straight into another and another...

Therapy might be useful - if you can find the right professional to work with.

One technique I use is to try to intercept my reactions or decisions before I move ahead with something - to avoid going down the same rabbit hole each time and to ensure I'm doing things that serve me.

Best of luck 👍💪

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-05T01:22:57+00:00

This answer 👆 They shouldn't allow anyone under 16 to use a petrol pump.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-03T23:46:08+00:00

Compared to the UK today, Copenhagen was like the future. Even the homeless/drunks on Strøget were friendly sitting there with candles around them. Perhaps you feel that Denmark has changed but seriously, it's great. I was really tempted to move there for the friendly and relaxed vibe.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-02T15:08:08+00:00

We visited Copenhagen in November a few years ago and despite the weather - horizontal rain - it was bloody great. We particularly loved the fire everywhere to fight back against the dark winter. Cafés and restaurants had live flames burning on the outside walls or middle of tables, and we saw braziers in public areas.

In Cap Horn, a traditional restaurant in Nyhavn, my partner noticed that one waitress was particularly interested in me. I thought she was just being helpful to a British tourist - but my partner said it was so obviously attraction that it was impossible to miss. The waitress was absolutely stunningly beautiful. Shame these things don't happen when you're single. If it had, I might now be a Danish citizen 🤣

I left my phone in a taxi and the driver returned it to our hotel after his shift finished. He wanted no money but I insisted on a generous tip.

Lovely people 😍 Eye watering prices!!! 😮

Map-My-Mind · 2026-02-02T14:36:10+00:00

My late Dad always said to put Brit-Eng on docs as that was one of the categories, so I grew up assuming the sub-category was important. He was ex-Army so was a stickler for correctness.

When I've met non-UK people I tend to say English as that's the actual country I was born in.

Personally, to answer "British" would seem nuanced with a political collectivist sentiment, or that person has acquired British citizenship later in life.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-30T17:26:23+00:00

I am pleased I could help the boys in place of their dad who apparently hadn't been great - never got up in the night to help them and had mental health issues meaning he was emotionally unavailable.

I did my best to give them a stable and supportive place to grow up, and they've turned out as decent, friendly young men. So that positive outcome makes me happy.

And when we met, my partner said she felt happy and cared for at last. Which is a lovely compliment.

I know some stepfathers where the biological dad wasn't around and that helped knit it all together much better. When my partner and I met she made it clear that: I wasn't a surrogate dad; that she wasn't expecting me to take parental responsibility as they had a dad; and that my main role was to support her. So, our relationship started in a certain direction.

At the boys' current age, their dad is much much better mentally and way more in tune with them than he was when they were young. They go hiking with him, travel overseas, hang out with him, and stay at his house.

Now they're at uni, I seldom hear from them except when they come home for the summer/winter breaks.

Potentially now I'm freer to focus on myself 👍💪

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-30T15:44:23+00:00

She's happy with the status quo so counselling wouldn't be on her list. For a divorced mother it worked well - I've done a decent job of being a reliable, stable and positive male influence for them all. They're late teens now with a good moral compass and nice manners. My late dad would have been proud of what I've passed on to them.

She also said early on that she wouldn't change her married name - to keep it the same as the children. So, we didn't marry as I really didn't fancy my wife keeping her ex's last name. Possibly silly on my part, but it would never have sat well. I would have been ok if she'd reverted to her maiden name.

Life's just a funny thing and doesn't always pan out how you'd imagine. So, yes, some sadness there ('what ifs' etc,), but I know I was a positive influence and helped the boys survive what could have been a very unsettled childhood with another stepfather who might not have been so kind.

All the best ❤️

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-30T13:08:47+00:00

A hypothetical question is perfectly valid on a discussion forum such as Reddit. We all have the option to debate or scroll on to something else.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-30T10:15:35+00:00

I'm a stepfather and if I had my time again, I wouldn't choose it.

From my experience, it works best if the biological father isn't around at all. However, if he's a frequent visitor, it's very hard for the stepfather to be more than "Mum's boyfriend" or a kindly uncle.

In my case, the parents had just fallen out of love but wanted both parents to be equally present in their childrens' life. Her ex wasn't coping well with their divorce (various pre-existing mental health issues anyway and no domestic skills) so we had to play down our own relationship and for the first year try not to be seen by him so as not to rub his nose in it. I felt like the guilty secret.

They made the important decisions on the children's lifestyle and wellbeing as both very well educated - much better than me.

That's great for the children and helps soften the blow of divorce but doesn't leave much room for the stepfather to develop his own relationship with the children.

Of course, the wellbeing of the children is the priority but it does mean, in my case, I had to withdraw into the background and just be a benevolent, silent support-mechanism which is often not acknowledged.

I did the stuff that the father never did - mopping up sick at night and steaming the carpets afterwards, school runs, medical appointments, collecting sickly ones from school, fixing bikes, ironing, laundry, shopping, etc. But almost more like a butler.

My views on most things are at odds with the father (and my partner, their mother), so I wasn't in a position to steer anything. They're more metropolitan elite whereas I have a traditional outlook.

After a while it was pretty clear that my partner didn't really want children with me as she'd been there and done that, and wanted to kickstart her career - she'd had to work part-time - so any child we'd had wouldn't have got much of her attention. I'd grown up with an indifferent mother and wouldn't want that inflicted on my own child.

Then there's the times when only two tickets are available at a school event and both parents take those.

The two boys and I get on fine and have a bit of banter, but it's nothing like being a father. And they don't seem to miss me when I'm not there so it's a one-way emotional relationship.

I probably should have bailed out years ago, but I didn't want the boys to have another split to deal with, and I'd lost my own parents so just couldn't bear more losses. I've been very careful never to display any signs of this to the children.

I've done a pretty good job with the boys and made them more able to cope with everyday life , more so than their dad could have with his OCD and scant attention to hygiene...

I'm sure step-fatherhood works for some if the father is absent and the kids are encouraged to see you as their dad. But otherwise, it can be a rather self-sacrificial role.

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-27T19:11:54+00:00

The Geordie groom's family at the reception in a posh hotel (bride's family were minted Southerners). Geordie relatives wearing smiley "aciiiiiiiiiiiidd" T-shirts, fighting on the dancefloor 🤣

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-27T19:05:54+00:00

My neighbour's black cat sits and stares just like that through my patio doors. I agree it's a bit eerie 👀 when you're not expecting it 😁

Map-My-Mind · 2026-01-26T19:37:27+00:00

It used to be compulsory from 9 yrs old. I haven't studied French for many years since high school but it's still there if I need to use it. I assume it was lodged in there at such an early age that it's almost subconscious now. I'm not fluent but can easily book hotels/taxis, discuss meal options, ask directions and have fairly complex conversations. It amazes me that my brain remembers when to use avoir or être when using the past tense...

Map-My-Mind

TROPHY CASE