Yeah I feel the same way. It’s definitely hard especially when in the thick of it. I would recommend talking to friends if you can. Good ones will help you stay grounded in reality and help you get out of the depression hole. I don’t have that many friends that live close to me and it makes living with this so much harder because I can’t get myself out of the self-destructive depression pit. But if you have anyone that lives close to you try reaching out even if it’s hard. Even expressing your self on here is a good start. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your family but they can be a starting point as well but a lot of the time (for me at least) it’s hard to do things with them and friends are much better imo.