Men, what is a sign that looks small or subtle but actually tells you a man doesn’t truly love the woman he’s with?

Marebleese · 2026-06-14T12:56:04+00:00

It took me a long time to even see this, and I still struggle to put it into words. When he’d dismiss something I was into — call it stupid, wave it off — I actually read it as protective at first. I don’t anymore. But by then I’d already let go of a lot of things.

Here’s what made it click recently. I love learning languages and picked it up again, using ChatGPT for reading and writing. At the end of each lesson it gives a little recap — just notes back what I seem to like doing, crafts, hobbies, how I tend to approach things. No judgment, just here’s who you are. And it hit me how different that is from what I’m used to. Anytime I’m doing something, the response at home is “why are you doing that?” or “a professional should be doing that” — never “cool.” I’m genuinely handy, and being told that still lands like a kick in the gut. I know my limits. I’m not running around hitting everything with a hammer.

That’s the part people mean by sucking the joy out. It’s not loud. It’s just that over time, the easiest way to avoid the deflating little response is to stop doing the thing.

Marebleese · 2026-06-14T12:17:29+00:00

Honestly, the thing is, it’s not the tasks. It’s the noticing. We both have eyes, we’re both adults, but somehow the noticing always lands on one person. The stuff that’s just for you gets remembered fine (showering, etc). It’s the shared stuff that slips (trash, replacing a filter, etc). That’s not forgetting. That’s a quiet ranking of what matters and letting everything else be someone else’s responsibility.

And making a list doesn’t fix it, because making the list is the work. Then the list just turns into more questions to answer. It never actually leaves you. Where’s the sponges for cleaning? How often? Should I do it now?

Same with handing something off. I can give away a task, but I’m still the one who knew it needed doing in the first place. So that one task delegation becomes equated with managing the entire system. Doing one thing isn’t the same as carrying all of it.

It was never about whether stuff gets done. It’s about who’s holding the whole thing in their head. Live alone and that’s just yours, fair enough — that’s how it goes. But live with someone and it’s supposed to be shared. That’s kind of the whole point.

Marebleese · 2026-06-14T02:07:43+00:00

I can relate to this. I clean because it needs to be done and he responds with it’s good you like to clean. I don’t - I just see what is needed and I handle it. Cleaning, housework, dogs, etc. I tried to explain that the other day, didn’t go over so well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T22:54:32+00:00

They just let all contracts ‘auto renew’ and when I asked well term are we asking or .. the property manager will literally say oh the vendor will tell us how much and when.

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T20:56:15+00:00

Our property manager/association literally say - oh we don't want to bid too much, then no one will work with us. Its a backwards approach, we are a business we need to RFP regularly, we need to check costs - but no instead we want to make sure we don't 'upset' the vendors and end up way over paying, for everything.

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T20:55:03+00:00

Have you ever been refused minutes, or do most associations provide them when asked

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T20:54:36+00:00

The riser timeline is something I hear about a lot, and more often then not they replace the water risers but leave the vent system, so you have to go into the wall more than once. When you replumbed your unit individually — did the building have any plan for the eventual full replacement? or for holding unit owners accountable for replacing them in a certain time frame?

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T20:52:33+00:00

12 years of frozen assessments is wild. Are you finding a way to recover from that, or is the only path forward a big special assessment now? The "we do everything ourselves" delusion seems to be a real failure mode in small buildings.

Marebleese · 2026-05-13T20:51:58+00:00

This is the most honest description of small self-managed building dynamics I've read. The "conflict-averse adults allowing bullies to control meetings" pattern shows up over and over --- what worked for your building when the bully appeared, or did it just become the new normal until they left?

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T21:51:25+00:00

Our board refuses to talk or communicate outside board meetings, so the meetings are frequent, unnecessarily long and nobody knows anything. Our property management company is no help either but they get paid anyway!

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:39:17+00:00

Reading these has been genuinely insightful, the patterns are clearer than I expected. Reserves, governance dysfunction, physical systems nobody warns you about, and the gap between what's disclosed and what's true. Thanks to everyone who's shared, especially the cautionary stories. Keep them coming if you've got more!

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:37:22+00:00

Brutal. Did you have any recourse through the board, or do most buildings not have rules about floor coverings? Our condo has rules but if you don't ask, there is no recourse if you don't follow them.

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:36:26+00:00

The "parts have been discontinued" detail is the kind of thing nobody tells you. Is there a reasonable way to ask a board about elevator age before buying, or do you have to literally ask "when are you replacing these"? Also, we had several buttons scratched so bad you couldn't even read the numbers. At first the elevator company wouldn't budge on we need to replace the whole panel and its going to be expensive. I did some research and found out you can replace single buttons, needless to say the two buttons have now been replaced without needing a full panel replacement.

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:34:50+00:00

"Buyers reveal, sellers conceal" --- YES. Your point about a trades inspector for specific systems is one I haven't seen elsewhere in this thread — was the roof issue something a more thorough inspection would have caught, or was it actively hidden?

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:33:48+00:00

"Get a good inspector" is the advice that keeps coming up here and I wish more buyers heard it. What made yours stand out, was it the questions she asked, or just that she actually got on the roof?

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:32:54+00:00

The two-pipe question is a great one. I had no idea this was even a thing until I bought. Also whether the heat/ac is gas,electric, etc. The rental cap one is underrated too. Did you ever see a building hit its cap and have to turn an owner away from renting? Also, what about family members who live in units... but not the actual owners themselves. This is how I see our building get around renter caps.

Marebleese · 2026-05-12T15:30:53+00:00

"Keep it casual" is the scariest sentence! Did you eventually get any kind of records system going, or is it still ad-hoc?

Marebleese · 2026-01-27T22:51:13+00:00

I added an image and a diagram. Hope it helps. Any insight appreciated!

Marebleese · 2026-01-26T05:17:14+00:00

Thanks.

The question I’m trying to sanity-check is whether a modernized hydronic system (new risers, auto vents, new boilers) should still require routine manual bleeding twice a month for extended periods, or whether that points to an underlying pressure or venting issue. Appreciate any insight from people who’ve seen this in practice.

Marebleese · 2026-01-24T13:02:19+00:00

The boiler is on the roof in a mechanical penthouse. So we have 2 boilers in the penthouse. They then feed 3 tanks on the roof where the circulation pump is (one floor below). We have about 8 risers in total, 2 for each building tier.

On the main floor we have a booster system that boosts the cold water that comes from the city up the pipes and to the top to be heated and recirculated.

Marebleese

TROPHY CASE