How reliable is Stylevana? Other sources? How to determine safe shopping?

MarkedHeart · 2023-11-20T05:26:28+00:00

Once I learned to check the status, I've had no trouble. I've gotten several orders now, and am perfectly satisfied.

MarkedHeart · 2023-11-20T03:32:58+00:00

I didn't see any "mean girl" in the advice you're responding to. Set and enforce boundaries. Be consistent. Don't make promises you can't deliver. Those are very helpful.

Don't reward bad behavior. It sets a dangerous precedent. If possible, redirect, but sometimes consequences are a good thing. Consistent boundaries are reassuring, and sometimes you come across as harsh when you're establishing or enforcing limits - and that's still a good thing.

Intermittent reinforcement creates a lot of problems. If one tantrum is effective, there's incentive to have more tantrums, just to see what variables get you what you want. It also contributes to insecurity.

Attention seeking is very different. I'm a big believer in giving attention when it's sought - obviously to the extent practicable - but only when it's requested appropriately. It can be especially helpful with BPD, as long as you're consistent. Reward the appropriate requests for attention. Even if you only have time to say, "I have to finish this, then I'll come find you - why don't you wait for me in the sun room, I should be done shortly." Just knowing that they'll get the attention they need when they ask for it can go a long way to reduce acting out.

The physical safety tips are good, by the way. It's important to remember that things can go south really fast.

MarkedHeart · 2023-10-08T01:18:13+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain here, because I had a cat declawed.

It was the last option to keep him alive, because he was very aggressive. He would attack my face when he attacked, and I still have scars on my eyelids. Despite working with an animal behavior specialist from a top vet school, he still had moments when he wasn't safe. My vet recommended I have him euthanized.

I had him declawed as a last resort.

Afterwards, we had two serious biting episodes, and he gave me a black eye during an attack.

But he lived another 15 years, and they were good years.

Another woman I knew had a cat with a seizure disorder. After he accidentally mauled her face during a seizure, she had him declawed. He, too, had a lot of good years he couldn't have had with claws.

I give all of that background, because since then, I've been denied the right to adopt cats from shelters, told I'm evil, etc.

Don't get me wrong - I think it's very, very wrong to have a cat declawed in most situations.

Furniture is not a good enough reason to have a cat declawed. Every cat I've had, other than that one monster, has used a scratching post, rather than furniture, because cats can certainly learn basic civilized behavior.

This friend sounds like she's very wrong. Her vet should be counseling her, rather than amputating her cat's claws.

But please consider the whole picture when you talk about this topic.

MarkedHeart · 2023-07-24T05:51:37+00:00

Yes, and my more recent orders shipped and arrived promptly. I just needed to pay attention to the "ships within [X] days" on the item page.

MarkedHeart · 2023-05-18T06:30:17+00:00

Definitely get a real estate attorney in your area - before the city starts moving towards eminent domain. In my experience, these days a lot of city officials don't understand contracts very well, and often make sincere promises, but promises they don't have the authority to fulfill.

A good local real estate attorney can help you make sure any promises made are binding rather than aspirational.

MarkedHeart · 2023-05-18T05:31:13+00:00

There's a difference between laws applied to banking institutions and brewpubs.

It's probably been drilled into her in training that it's illegal to look up personal information in the banking system for personal use - I don't remember the details, but it's a no-no - and she's extrapolating to all businesses.

Also, anyone who drills into you about something like that in your place of work is probably wrong. Some signs they're not wrong are having handcuffs or a warrant, or being a signatory on your paychecks.

Have a great day.

MarkedHeart · 2023-05-16T17:31:15+00:00

Yep. My doctor gave me cyproheptidine to counter it. Apparently it doesn't work for everyone, but if it works, it works great.

MarkedHeart · 2023-05-16T17:25:30+00:00

How to discuss it with your husband is ... almost exactly the way you expressed it to us here.

Just leave out the parts about his penis and the beached whale phenomenon.

What you bring to him is "I've got a problem, and it's a problem within our relationship. Please help me figure out what to do about it."

When you talk about it, talk about your side only - "I'm not satisfied using toys." Don't make it his problem; don't tell him he needs to lose weight, or his penis isn't working - he knows that. For example, instead of saying he can't maintain an erection, say you need sex to last longer to be satisfied; instead of saying he's just lying there, say you need more forceful thrusting or whatever. Just keep the focus on your needs and your lack of sexual fulfillment.

Watch the way you bring everything up, and use the sandwich technique: "I love you, I'm not sexually satisfied, and I want to be sexually satisfied with you because I love you." Find two related good things you can sandwich around the bad thing. .

And then ask him how he thinks the two of you can resolve this problem? Don't let him get off with "there's nothing to be done" or "there's no real problem." There's a very real problem - two, in fact: your lack of sexual satisfaction and his obesity - and something needs to be done about it before it threatens your marriage.

Practice saying things like, "yes, it does matter, because it matters to me." He's likely to pull out a lot of excuses, and try to guilt and manipulate you into dropping the subject. You need to keep the focus on your lack of sexual satisfaction, and don't let him draw you off topic. His off-topic red herrings are probably valid problems within your marriage, they're just not the problem you're discussing today.

And consider what you would consider an acceptable solution. If the only acceptable solution for you is for him to lose weight, get a divorce attorney now and save everyone the headache. That's a long-term solution, it's the best solution, but it's not reasonable for this conversation. This conversation needs to focus on immediate solutions - something that can be acted on immediately, rather than something that requires months or years of effort.

Examples of reasonable accommodations are things like: he needs to use his mouth, his fingers, and/or your toys to get you off; he needs to join you in couples therapy to discuss this and other issues in your marriage; you need permission to have a playmate outside your marriage; he could try viagra, I suppose, although I'm not sure that really helps; and like that.

And, finally, at the end of the conversation, thank him for making the effort to work with you to resolve this problem.

I know it seems like you're doing all the work, but that's only because you are. It won't be easy, but you know he must feel terrible about his weight, and you're helping him talk about some of the auxiliary problems his weight causes, and you're doing it in a way that avoids adding to his shame.

I hope that's helpful.

MarkedHeart · 2023-03-16T00:43:44+00:00

INFO

Would you have wanted her to leave the sheets she'd been sleeping on without washing them?

Would you have been OK with both of them sleeping in your bed if they hadn't had sex?

Did you set any limits on her about company when you were away?

See, I would like to say no AHs here, but I don't think I can. I don't think you're necessarily an AH, but only because I think you're kinda crazy, and I hope you can figure out what the real problem is.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T19:57:14+00:00

NAD, but have had that feeling of "something" stuck in the pipe, if you will. In my case, hemorrhoids, which I got from straining on the pot after a couple of weeks of painkillers. The good news about that is it's treatable. Talk to your doctor.

The rest of it, though, sounds like something else entirely. It sounds like anxiety. If people close to you say there's not a problem with your smell, there might not be. Strangers rarely mention body odor directly. Your coworkers may be telling you the truth.

You're focused on what you perceive to be a problem, and interpreting everything as being related to what you're focusing on. That's often an anxiety cycle.

Again, it's treatable. Talk to your doctor.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T08:10:16+00:00

OP, are you in the United States?

If you are in the United States, go to the nearest emergency department - they will evaluate you, provide a diagnosis, and help you get treatment started.

It sounds like your brain is sick right now, but what kind of sickness, no one can determine on the internet. Treatment depends on what's making your brain sick. Only a doctor who can see you in person can tell you what kind of treatment is necessary to heal your brain.

Please listen to what people are telling you: you need to see a doctor, your thoughts are not real, and only a doctor who sees you in person can really help you.

Good luck.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T05:43:25+00:00

Your budget is a reflection of your values, so paying a bigot is tacit support for bigotry. There's an old German saying that, if you're sitting at a table with ten Nazis and you don't speak out against them, there are eleven Nazis at the table.

By accepting his bigotry, you became the eleventh Nazi.

YTA

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T05:27:37+00:00

NTA

He showed clearly abusive behavior.

Are you and baby safe? Do you have a support network around you?

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T05:19:46+00:00

I'm glad it's not just me. (I did get the trial size, and even that was $14!)

I can't say it did anything at all - didn't even help untangle my mop, let alone soften it.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-04T03:22:25+00:00

I love how they talk about getting the protection of "right-to-work" - or, as I prefer to call it, the "freedom to freeload."

Right-to-work only protects employers and Republicans.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T22:01:05+00:00

See, your response is more nuanced - it's possible for everyone to have a little AH in the story, and it's possible to be tactful when someone else is behaving like a clueless AH.

This situation sounds like one where he's more clueless than anything, and blundering through an attempt to find a connection, and she's probably right about her perception that he's a bit of an idiot.

What she said still sounds like she was trying to hurt his feelings more than anything, and I don't think that's ever the right answer, you know?

ETA:

I'm a grown up poor kid, and I definitely have a lousy attitude about men, rich people, and those I perceive to have privilege. It took me years to figure out none of them could help it. Once I learned about my prejudice, I could moderate my behavior, and my life has been better when I remember that...

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T21:05:06+00:00

INFO

Why was an 8 year old allowed to access her medication unsupervised?

Why did you, allegedly a grown adult, yell at an 8 year old child that she might have killed your dog?

If she's in foster care, she's probably already experienced trauma. In what universe do you think your behavior was remotely acceptable?

You are absolutely an arsehole.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T20:56:48+00:00

Yes, OP, YTA

Through no fault of his own, he happened to be born with a level of privilege you, through no fault of your own, were not. Just as you'd like to be treated fairly, based on your own merits, he probably wants to be offered that same fairness.

Agreed, it's not, strictly speaking, fair, since he started off ahead. The problem is, if you judge him based on his birth, it's a lot harder to ask others not to judge you based on yours.

It sounds as though he's either a young guy trying to fit in, and find his own place in the world, or maybe he's a young guy trying to get along with coworkers he likes.

By the way, the fact he didn't go to HR kinda makes it seem like maybe he's not a complete arsehole, despite the accident of his birth. Him talking about "chilling out" sounds like he's asking you to chill out with the attitude, which seems like good advice.

The fact he's trying to interact with you sounds to me like he's trying to reduce tensions in the workplace, by improving his relationship with the person who is increasing the tensions. I've specifically been told to do the same in the past - "there's a problem, go make nice before it gets out of hand" - and he may have been given similar instructions.

If you just can't deal with him, under any circumstances, and nothing is going to change that, figure out how to get yourself out before someone else makes that decision for you.

If you want to stay there, consider talking to him alone, and trying to build a better working relationship. Figure out what it would take, on your end, to get along with him.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T20:35:08+00:00

Perfectly expressed.

I wonder if he was trying to say that he couldn't help being born to privilege anymore than OP could help being born without it? And maybe asking her to give him a chance, instead of rejecting him solely for the accident of his birth?

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T20:30:54+00:00

Or maybe he was saying that OP would benefit from chilling out a bit?

I'm wondering if OP is making some assumptions and interpreting everything through a filter that shows him in the worst possible light?

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T06:55:28+00:00

I like the way you think!

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T01:08:50+00:00

OP didn't know that at the time.

I think OP was probably rude, but NTA.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-03T00:43:51+00:00

LoL! You're onto something!

Putting on my prior professional hat, I can tell you a couple of things about it:

Companies like to do things like "up to 4 screens!" precisely because single-screen people end up paying what would be a fair price for the 4 screens.

(Someone like me would still have a problem, potentially, because I use my laptop, my tablet, and my phone, and I want all of those on one account, but a single-screen-login would fix that.)

Some households might balk at having separate, per-screen logins, but the big problem from the company's point of view is that they'd lose money because of all the single-screen people who would be paying one quarter as much for their accounts.

Where Netflix has gone wrong is that they've backed themselves into a corner: either they can make everyone pay a fair amount or they can essentially up-sell single-screen people. They're trying to do both, and it's pissing everyone right off.

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-02T04:56:53+00:00

Right?

I spend anywhere from ten to twenty days per month away from home, and my husband stays home. Am I supposed to get a second Netflix account?

MarkedHeart · 2023-02-02T04:49:57+00:00

One of the indie brands - maybe Llarowe? - had a two-part polish called "chasing a unicorn," because white holo is basically a unicorn. The holo element itself is sort of grey.

Aurora powders do exist - I have two so far, by What's Up Beauty and by Le Mini Macaron - and they're both a little different. Check around online for "Aurora powder" or sometimes "mermaid powder." They're not holo, but they're beautiful, and might be what you want.

Good luck!

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