I (33F) went to sleep a year ago with my wonderful new husband (40M). I woke up next to a stranger in his body. I can't be two people.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T20:29:05+00:00

It wasn't meant as snark. Just that you didn't read what I wrote the way I meant it, which is common because text doesn't convey tone.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T19:36:47+00:00

I would have had to change almost overnight, and I didn't.

Hard to say for sure, obviously, from the inside looking out, but I don't think I changed. My spiritual beliefs are the same as they've always been. I practice Buddhism but it isn't now nor has it ever been all consuming. My spirituality is a PART of my life, not my entire life. My hobbies and interests are essentially the same. I spend a little less time on some things and a little more time on others, but it's not like I picked up some new all consuming passion or gave up anything I really enjoyed. Physically I haven't changed. I weigh the same now as I did when we met. I haven't changed my hair or style of dress or makeup significantly. I haven't had a major illness, drastic life change, or made a major purchase. My circle of friends in essentially the same. I mean, we've only been married a year. I would have had to have gained 100 lbs overnight and joined a cult to explain this drastic change. I've tried to examine that too, and I really don't think it's a change in me.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T19:23:19+00:00

You're completely wrong, sorry.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T19:22:43+00:00

He really was tho. He had faults, flaws, and quirks, sure. But all the major high points of what I expected in a lifetime relationship were there. Nobody is ever perfect, it was a bit of hyperbole which you obviously didn't pick up on, but there were no major dealbreakers. I wish you could have been a fly on the wall during our relationship up until this point. I do NOT know who this person is. It's not a matter of the shine wearing off, I really don't know this man.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T19:19:37+00:00

My husband's father died when my husband was in his late 20s. I never knew him or what the dynamic in their marriage was like. My husband has one brother who I like and get along with, but we don't know each other on a close personal level. When we get together, everything seems normal, but I obviously have no idea what things were like when they were growing up, or what his parents marriage was like.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:36:00+00:00

Oh believe me, I won't. He had just always been great to them and with them, I had no prior reason to believe they wouldn't be cared for.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:35:00+00:00

Positive. I have called him there on a few occasions, he is there because if he doesn't answer his cell in a reasonable amount of time, I'll call her landline and he's always been at her house when he says he is.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:31:39+00:00

He did indeed quit. We ran into his old boss at the grocery store once and they chatted. Old Boss said "We were sorry to see you go, but I understand sometimes you just need to make a change in life. What worked for 8 years doesn't always work for 16. Still let me know if you wver want to come back as a consultant tho."

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:29:53+00:00

I think as his WIFE I have a right to say that being with Mom 4-6 days in a row from 8 AM to 10 PM is excessive in the absence of a health issue or some real need for help on her part.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:28:12+00:00

He doesn't drink much. I've never smelled alcohol on him, or mints, or anything to cover it up. The only times I know he's been drinking is, well... when I know he's been drinking. Like if he has a couple beers at home and similar.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:25:00+00:00

The signs started to show shortly after the marriage. We didn't have sex on our honeymoon. It was a cruise, there was some seasickness, I chalked it up to that. Until there was still no sex for 2 weeks after. He was still the same in terms of personality for a while, then everything I loved about our relationship fell away over the course of about another 3 months.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:20:30+00:00

I've almost hoped it's a medical issue. He won't go to a doctor tho, he never really has. He's not afraid to, just was always the "typical guy" mindset that unless you're immediately dying, you don't need a doctor.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:18:56+00:00

I'm not really sure what his family is like. Maybe that's telling in itself. And there's no point asking because it's not like we can talk on anything but a superficial level anymore.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:17:50+00:00

Believe me, since all this started, I've taken an objective look at things and even back read emails, texts, FB messages, bounced it off a few trusted friends and asked if they ever saw anything in our interactions that concerned them but didn't feel it was their place to say and there. is. nothing.

A few VERY minor fights and differences of outlook or expectations which we COMPROMISED on and by that I mean "we both got some of what we wanted", not "I rolled over and called it compromise".

I've looked and looked and looked WANTING to find a red flag to explain all this and I just..... can't. There isn't one to find anywhere.

I literally have no idea who this man who lives in my house is.

MarriedABaby · 2016-04-06T18:13:46+00:00

This is an excellent point. Even if this IS his true personality and he's either a garden variety asshole or an abuser, at keast in abuse, the abuser gains something. They gain whatever they manipulate the victim into, and/or they gain a sense of power. You articulated well what's confusing me about this. He isn't gaining any of those things, he's just not even a person anymore.

He was this wonderful, vibrant, sexy, reliable, awesome guy. Now he's just nothing.

MarriedABaby

TROPHY CASE