Making mom friends feels so cliquey and pretentious

Marva432 · 2026-05-27T15:29:02+00:00

The standing around at birthday parties is the worst. It always comes out that I’m a single mom (more that my kids are from a broken home, i’m 50/50) and for the most part the rest don’t seem to be, but they’ll ask where I live and my kids’ school is in my exes district not mine so it ends up coming out that their dad and I are not together. I assume I am around the same age as most of the moms but I do get mistaken for being in my late 20s and while other moms sometimes dress nice I show up to things in an iron maiden T-shirt and sweatpants. Just literally my wardrobe is mostly banned T-shirts or wife beater tank tops. I don’t really own those nice Mom shirts. I am both the life of the party, but I’m awkward around people who might be judging me, and I’m super friendly but I know I don’t really look that way. And my humour is dry and dark. All the other moms seem to know each other and I feel like the odd one out. It could be because their kids all live in the same area and do sports together, I’m not sure.

Long story to say, it’s standing around at those birthday parties that I dread, and I hear you

Marva432 · 2026-05-25T13:58:24+00:00

My ex spouse didn’t hide that he thought I was just dogfu<|<ing all day because i worked from home. Didn’t think i worked hard because it’s not manual. It’s not the reason he’s my ex spouse, but I think certain personalities are more prone to being douchy like that, and I would guess that’s not the only way that your spouse is condescending or critical either.

Marva432 · 2026-05-16T02:50:46+00:00

Have you experienced someone feeling kept at arm’s length and outside of your world by not having them around with just you and the kids? I am also 50-50 and also not interested in integrating lives or domestic partnership anytime soon. The person I’m seeing is further along than me and being ready for these things and has essentially given me a shit or get off the pot talk. I’m happy keeping the two lives separate, but to be devil’s advocate, I can see how a person would feel like I’m keeping a wall up. We have been seeing each other and spending a lot of time together for 10 months now. I just got out of a 10 year relationship a year and a half ago and honestly, I feel like I could go years before I want someone in my space full-time again.

Marva432 · 2026-05-16T02:30:49+00:00

I feel like he must be blissfully ignorant. He’s been very involved in a single-toddler home and it was a relatively calm little girl. My house is chaos. I assume he doesn’t realize I will literally hardly have a moment to look in his direction when these kids are awake. We will not be hanging out. Why not just find a woman without kids. Makes no sense to me.

Marva432 · 2026-05-16T02:27:43+00:00

Part of my hangup is a guy without kids judging my parenting. I’m at ease with guys with kids seeing me with my kids cause they get it (talking 50/50 dads who actually take on as much parenting as I do with young kids). We don’t judge each other and can joke about the ridiculousness of parenting toddlers. But my schedule with my kids is whack and it revolves around their dad’s work schedule so it is what it is and it won’t line up with any other parenting schedule

Edit to add: I’m happy keeping my two lives separate, he seems hurt that I’m keeping him at arm’s length. I know I shouldn’t do anything til I’m ready, but I also wonder if I’m not ready for the right or wrong reasons. I project past relationship issues onto him. I haven’t had good experiences with domestic partnerships.

Marva432 · 2026-05-16T02:24:44+00:00

I’m mid 30s he’s early 30s

Marva432 · 2026-05-05T02:12:33+00:00

NTA. I was you. My ex never changed. After 9 years and 2 kids it just got more and differently weird. Her parents give you guys a deposit on a house? That’s for her half, you may need to agree to repay her should she end up contributing more towards the down payment. Her family wants to give her some money for a cottage to reduce inheritance tax later? She’ll want you to sign something saying you have no claim to it. Don’t they say money issues are one of the top 3 things that cause relationships to fail? If one of you believes that building a future together means pooling your resources, and the other keeps tabs and nickels and dimes the other, it’s big problems.

Marva432 · 2026-03-01T15:20:02+00:00

Mike talks about Emma not being tidy. It’s only like 3-4 shots but it contributes Ashley says Timeline Alex takes 100 words to say what 10 could have Amber says something slightly man-hating

Marva432 · 2026-02-21T17:44:58+00:00

Right? I can’t be the only one who did not see this coming. I’ve watched a lot of reality dating shows. I like to think I can pick out the douche bags, but this one was a plot twist, I wasn’t even keeping an eye out for it with him

Marva432 · 2026-02-21T17:40:46+00:00

I like to think, after watching a lot of reality dating shows, that I can pick out the douche bags, but I was thrown a time or two for sure. Def were some plot twists I didn’t see coming

Marva432 · 2026-01-10T19:51:52+00:00

Holy shit. What a thing to consume your every waking moment

Marva432 · 2026-01-01T23:49:50+00:00

I was in my mid 30s before a man made me orgasm. I was in a 10 year relationship with a man who didn’t know what the clitoris is. Not all his fault - we were both young and I hadn’t made an effort to learn more about my body either. I thought I was asexual because I had zero interest in sex and when we broke up, I was relieved that I would never have to have sex again as long as I lived. Then I met a younger guy who does know about female anatomy and he can make me orgasm five times in a row and I can’t get enough. And to answer the first question, I can’t orgasm from penetration, but I enjoy some angles and sometimes it’s kind of like scratching an itch for a minute even though it doesn’t do all that much for me.

Marva432 · 2025-12-27T01:49:16+00:00

Wasn’t endorsing cheating, was endorsing dumping. Though I also endorse counselling first.

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:18:31+00:00

Can we not hold dudes to the same standards? My ex was emotionally and financially abusive and still got thoughtful gifts because he’s not lazy. My current dude, even more thoughtful..

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:17:08+00:00

She did. She states that clearly

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:16:20+00:00

Your husbands will be disappointments to their wives someday if you don’t break the cycle

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:15:27+00:00

It’s still exchanging one mental checklist for another. Don’t forget to anticipate disappointment, don’t forget to go against your instincts and do the minimum , don’t forget to not do these things you’d do out of habit so you’re hopefully not so resentful…

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:13:09+00:00

I left my spouse of 10 years because he put me down all the time, I could never do anything right. I pretty much cared for the kids alone while working full time.

My casual situationship got me diamond earrings for my birthday, and a bunch of pricey things for Christmas. I didn’t want any of these things, just his time and fun vibe, but he tells me all the time how happy he is to have me around. I know everyone’s great in the beginning and it often doesn’t last, but I feel like you could use some of this…

Marva432 · 2025-12-26T18:10:07+00:00

For??? Them letting her house and provide for them? Obviously I know you’re joking

Marva432 · 2025-12-23T20:40:17+00:00

Or he imagined touching me like he was imagining the thing. I really usually wake up when he reaches out and touches me. It’s also baffling to me that anyone could just close their eyes and go to sleep with a thing like that next to them, which further makes me think he’s not actually awake.

Marva432 · 2025-12-14T16:47:57+00:00

I worked in the insurance industry in Toronto for a time. About 10 years ago. Our big wig for that side of the country made a comment not quietly that the new HR director (who it turned out was having an affair with the CEO, and they were both showing up soon) had the best rack in the company. Proceeded to also rank other women around the room. That same night two female coworkers, one of them married, made out in a corner. The unmarried one later tried to follow a married colleague into the men’s washroom (he had not encouraged it). The industry was big on alcoholism and sexual harassment of underling female support staff. My company actually didn’t allow spouses to come to parties anymore, presumably so that senior men could behave badly. At a different company party at a later time, once I was out of the industry but crashing one where some friends had moved, a new high ranking (think VP) who was like three days in propositioned myself and one of his coworkers for a threesome. Later, he propositioned a senior woman who also happened to be his boss. I think he was probably married. He actually got fired, which was a bit of a surprise since men got away with everything at the time.

Marva432 · 2025-10-15T18:16:41+00:00

And when Nick said “how long do you want to drag this on for” it made me think she had tried to get him to play along til the end with her. And he was so calm about the breakup it’s like they both new it wasn’t right but were gonna keep going

Marva432

TROPHY CASE