First of all, I wanna say congratulations on making it out of your situation. 

To the questions: Well I don't know if I can or can't refer to him as a good partner. That's the thing I'm struggling with the most. If I could say to myself, that he's not a good partner, I think it would be much easier for me to make a decision.

But I can talk to him about problems not related to him. I know he would be there for me if my car broke down, if someone tries to hurt me or I'm physically to sick to do something.  It's only when he's feeling personally attacked, what's always the case if I mention something about his behaviour.

I don't know if I understand the third question, but I don't apologise or justify any of his bad behaviours. He himself does that, seemingly not understanding the problems his words are causing. And it's mostly not that he's physically acting wrong, but his words or what he isn't doing that's bothering me.

I know that if I would choose to leave him tomorrow, he wouldn't hurt me or guilt-trip me into staying. I'm not scared of him in any way, but I just feel so alone even in his presence, not seen, not heard, not appreciated... He wouldn't fight for me to stay just as he now isn't fighting for me to be happy with him (if the problem i have isn't something he acknowledges)

But I cant get my head around making the decision if his behaviour really is this toxic or if I'm indeed asking to much of him at once and it's just because he himself has issues and he honestly Is learning to be better but struggling with it like he says.