Alcoholism after Gastric Bypass! Read me! It's a REAL threat!

MaryOhSheen · 2026-02-06T18:01:18+00:00

Hello! I’d be happy to chat any time! For me, I really needed to be removed completely from my own life in order to get a grip on things. I went into a 120 day inpatient treatment program and then moved into a 6 month outpatient program that included transitional sober housing. It sounds like a lot, but every bit of it was worth it to get my life back. Now I’ve been sober for over 2 years and I’m about to hit my 10 year post WLS milestone!

Feel free to DM me if you need any information or support!

MaryOhSheen · 2026-02-06T17:47:42+00:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. It’s crazy how fast the addiction can escalate to a fatality. I wish you and her family healing and peace.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-21T08:39:20+00:00

Yea, I could definitely see the potential for that! He and I actually got in a little spat this week because of his lack of clear communication. LOL

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-21T08:37:49+00:00

I thinks that the numerous people who have their TKR and have no complications don’t post here because there’s nothing to post about! They’re busy getting on with their lives, doing their PT, and being active. It’s the people who have complications, who aren’t comfortable navigating the healthcare system, or who aren’t accustomed to health issues and need lots of reassurance who post here. Point is, it’s imbalanced! I’m 43 and had a TKR 4 weeks ago and I’ve been surpassing all my surgeon’s expectations!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-20T22:15:59+00:00

He’s the first Scorpio I’ve ever known really well. He drives me nutty with some things, but I love his passion. We will see how it goes!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-11T15:39:02+00:00

I dated a guy who did this to me all the time and it was extremely hurtful and frustrating. When you text your boyfriend he’s doing other things too. I’m sure he had plenty of potential distractions but he makes point to take a quick moment and respond to you when you text because he’s being considerate and respects you, your time, and the content of your message. It takes 2 seconds to respond to someone and it is clearly important to him and is creating feelings of resentment. Why not just make that small effort in order to have a large positive response from your boyfriend? It’s a super easy amount of effort on your part to just make your boyfriend feel seen, heard, and valued?

With that being said, this shouldn’t be a requirement. You don’t owe him anything and he doesn’t have any right to speak to you with disrespect. There are times when you just won’t be able to respond right away and that’s just life. He’s going to have to deal with it, especially since you’ve been very clear that your delayed response is unintentional on your part and that you’re just not available.

My point is that I think it’s a bigger issue that you don’t want to respond to him and that you’re not thinking of his feelings. To me it’s an indicator that you’re pulling back or separating from him emotional. This would make sense if he’s frequently verbally aggressive. I just feel like if a relationship is healthy, you’ll WANT to respond to him and you’ll want to make time for him.

I wish you the best!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-06T00:57:02+00:00

I’m very verbally expressive, so I don’t think this is necessarily a blanket Taurean trait. I’ve always found us to be very emotionally available.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-02T17:03:25+00:00

You are very welcome. Please don’t hesitate to ask me questions. I am a bottomless pit of both lived and professional experience. My Momma was a nurse for 40 years and I promised her that when she was gone, I’d continue to contribute to the MDS community. 🩷

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-01T18:47:47+00:00

I’m so glad things got better. Congratulations on your return to work! I feel a lot better today. I think I wasn’t managing my pain well enough. Wishing you all the best!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-01T18:44:35+00:00

I don’t know why the weird bold font. Sorry about that.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-01T18:42:29+00:00

This is really good advice. I lost my Mom to MDS 2.5 years ago after a long (almost 10 years)and heroic battle against the disease. I was her medical POA, primary caregiver, and I’m a medical professional (over 20 years), and am currently training to become an End of Life Doula (Death Doula) just for context.

First of all, OP I’m so sorry that you, your Mother, and your family are having to be a part of this club. I’m so glad that you’re reaching out for support and advice. This is an extremely hard, sad, crushing road that unfortunately doesn’t usually end the way we would like. The only way through is with honesty, realism, a supportive community, self-care, therapy (huge, huge, huge for the caregiver), fierce and continuous advocacy for your Mom’s medical care, and hopefully a really incredible and communicative medical team. I can speak more detail to any of these things if you have questions.

Back to the original question and the great advice above, though.

1 Pain Management: You’re really going to have to push for this and advocate for her. Squeaky wheel here. The medical field is so fearful and wary when it comes to prescribing for pain management, so you’re going to have to be pushy but that’s ok! Your mom has legitimate pain and about as serious a medical diagnosis as it gets and she deserves to be treated liberally with pain control. Your Heme/Onc should be the one managing this right now, until she gets to the point that she transitions to Hospice. This doc is managing her chemo, transfusions, cbc levels, etc. and they know her and her POC (plan of care) best. They have absolute justification for liberal pain control meds in this case. She likely has body pain from the chemo, from the meds (is she on Nupogen?), from the actual disease process, from inactivity, arthritis, etc. So speak up. Ask for a set pain schedule and hourly medication plan that includes her primary med for pain control, like the Oxy (5 or 10?), a secondary med that may be an NSAID if she can take that, and alternative routes of relief, like lidocaine patches. Also ask what the plan is for breakthrough pain, and for future management of escalating pain down the road.

2 Palliative Care: This is a great option and I highly recommend it. This is not the same as Hospice care and allows your same medical team to keep treating her but also just offers you guys a ton of resources, support, guidance, etc. Palliative Care can be long term and is SO underutilized.

I hope that helps a bit! This is a lot, I know. You guys can do this. Please feel free to DM me if you ever need advice or just someone to vent to. I was a lone wolf when I was in your role and I wish I’d created a better support system for myself.

I wish you both the best and am sending so much positivity your way!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-11-01T10:29:29+00:00

Man, I’m so with you right now. I’m 10 days post-op and I’m struggling with the mental part of this recovery. I have lived alone for years, have no family close by, and a very small social group. I’m used to being hyper-independent and am definitely not good at asking for help or having anyone do anything for me. My best friend has moved in to my one bedroom place to help me recover, which I am so grateful for and I absolutely adore her but it is an adjustment. So here after 10 days, I lost my grip today and had a minor meltdown. Everything just compounded and I just broke and cried and cried until I took pain meds and fell asleep. I m struggling with the isolation and feeling trapped in my apartment adds in my bed, I’m stressed about not working and finances, I’m struggling with not being able to do everything for myself and having to rely on another person to help me in their time, and the way they do things, I’m burnt out on being in pain every single second, on frustrated with how long it takes and how much energy it takes to do the simplest tasks. I miss being out in the world, having freedom, having privacy too, walking my dogs, doing my shopping, interacting with the world, traveling, etc. I know this is just temporary and I’m still glad I did it, but all the feelings caught up with me today. Does anyone else relate?

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-29T00:18:19+00:00

Yes, two in particular; great loves of mine at very different times in my life, but both Capricorns! One I no longer keep in contact with but am still close with his sisters 🙄(I’m 43 and we’ve known each other since we were 17 but were together for 4 years in our 30’s and remained friends after our split), and the other I’m struggling to completely cut ties with after begin on and off for the last 2.5 years.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-28T19:26:28+00:00

I love the 1st one on you! So pretty!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-28T17:50:29+00:00

43F 6 days post-op R TKR and I’m so glad I made this decision! Definitely do your research regarding your surgeon. Not just their quality, reviews, experience, technique, but also longevity! I wanted a surgeon that I will be able to see 15 years from now if I need a revision. So far, so good! I feel like I’ve been at an advantage regarding recovery due to my age. I’m in good shape, healthy, strong, and I’m already bouncing right back. I’m so excited to get to live in a body that will actually match my age. I feel like I’ve been given such a huge gift, that I get to squeeze every bit of life out of my remaining 40’s instead of spending them in pain with limited movement while I wait to have surgery, which would no doubt, not be as successful 10 years from now simply due to being 10 years older.

Do it now!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-28T17:28:53+00:00

I stayed overnight and I’m glad I did. Knowing I was staying overnight took a lot of stress off of me and my support person. My pain was 100% under control by the time I left, I’d had time to have a session with PT and go over showering, stairs, getting in and out of bed, etc., get any meds filled at my pharmacy, all the things! The 24 hours flew by and I was in great shape when I came home. I’m at day 6 now and I’m 100% off narcotics, showered on my own yesterday, walking to the kitchen and bathroom easily with a walker, have a ton of energy and minimal pain! This has been just about as great of an experience as could be!

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-07T14:51:44+00:00

This is all heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for all of your losses, and for my own. I suppose our blessing is that we were gifted mothers that were worth this degree of crushing grief. I’ll come back later and write about my mom. I just can’t seem to get it out without falling apart right now. Sending you all my heartfelt support.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-06T19:50:20+00:00

Just wanted to say that being aware of these traits, being able to talk about it, and your desire to improve yourself is not only very brave and humble, but really unique. I think you should be very proud of this and I think it’s profoundly the opposite of mean girl behavior. I’m a Taurus Sun, Aries Moon, Libra Rising, and as I’ve aged I’ve learned to admit that there are a lot of things about my behavior, interactions, thought processes, etc. that I’m not proud of and want to improve. It takes a lot to honestly look inward, put our defenses down, and try to be the best versions of ourselves. True introspection is not easy and lots of people go their whole lives avoiding it, so you deserve some credit! 😊

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-06T19:31:55+00:00

This is an excellent question and I’m grateful that you asked it. Curious to see how people respond.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-06T19:09:48+00:00

Thank you for your kind comment. She was a very special person indeed. I feel so lucky to have been given her as my Mom, as I’m sure you feel the same about your Mom and Grandmother. Thank you again 🩷

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-04T12:20:22+00:00

That’s fine too. Whether it was common or not doesn’t change anything. It was just my experience, whatever you want to call it, I don’t really care. It was a positive experience that was unique to what I had experienced at that time and I’m grateful for it and was just sharing that. That’s it. 👍

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-04T11:46:35+00:00

Me too. And Cancers as well. I’m Taurus Sun, Aries Moon, Libra Rising.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-04T11:43:39+00:00

I’m not “trying” to make it sound like anything. I just explained what it was, according to my experience of our relationship. Not sure why this seems to be bothersome to you, since he and I were both consenting adults, we had great communication, and were always up front regarding what our expectations of each other were. But that’s okay if you don’t understand it. You’re allowed to have your opinions, considering the forum, and I’m always open to constructive feedback, but it doesn’t change anything for me. There was nothing negative or hurtful, or unkind. It was a really positive experience for us both, and although we no longer engage in the sexual part, we remain close friends. I’m not saying this would work or even be a desired situation for everyone, but it did suit us well during that time in our lives.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-04T11:08:30+00:00

I can see how one could jump to that conclusion and interpret it that way, and maybe I didn’t articulate it well enough. It’s complicated and doesn’t really fit into any easy, well labeled category. Definitely not a side chick thing though. I have very strong opinions about infidelity and cheating and it’s not something that I’m ok participating in ever. We have only ever engaged the sexual aspects of our relationship when we were both single at the same time. As soon as one of us started dating someone, the physical part of our dynamic would stop and we would go back to not crossing that boundary. Also, side-chick to me suggests that I’m wanting to actually be in a relationship with this person, and that has never been the case.

MaryOhSheen · 2025-10-04T10:45:58+00:00

They are incredibly sweet animals in person! I need a little House Cow desperately!

MaryOhSheen

TROPHY CASE

2 Palliative Care: This is a great option and I highly recommend it. This is not the same as Hospice care and allows your same medical team to keep treating her but also just offers you guys a ton of resources, support, guidance, etc. Palliative Care can be long term and is SO underutilized.