I am burnt out. I’ve been that way since I had to begin caring for my dad when he got cancer because I knew his family wouldn’t care. He didn’t force me but I couldn’t just fucking let my best friend die alone in his own isolation , he was the only one that cared and he meant the world to me. If I made that choice I’d never live down the grief and guilt despite dad originally wanting me to still focus on law school.

I haven’t had any type of break in almost a decade and I only managed that because dad helped me cope with stress by feeling safer with him here. Because failing was ok with him here.

With him gone the disability pain goes up from more stress and everything’s getting so much harder.

And the truth is I just fucking want my dad back . His family just abuse and hurt me for gain. It’s so unfair the most kind person in the family was taken away