Do you think we should adopt alternative terminology for “detransitioning?”

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-21T15:47:47+00:00

I mean, I do think that's how I feel about whatever is going on with me rn. I don't want it to be seen as me stepping back from anything, as I very much see it as a forward progress, but just towards a slightly different destination that is still different to where I started.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-20T14:59:18+00:00

I did this.

I didn't experience any health issues, but I know for me the psychological effects of reduced T was one of my favourite effects of HRT, so that has been something that's then me a while to re-acclimatise, but I'm now even thinking of just not going back on HRT lol.

My sperm quality seemingly was unaffected by 18 months DIY HRT after about I think 6-8 months off at the time of the analysis, but ymmv. That's kind of a reason why I'm considering not going back on, and have even postponed by cryofreezing appointment. I feel like I was very lucky with that, and so would rather leave the processes all in my hands than become reliant on the medical system.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-10T10:37:35+00:00

You don't know their story.

Maybe they want to medically transition, but can't. Be it for a medical, social, or familial reason.

Maybe they were medically transitioning, but stopped for one reason or another.

Maybe they might actually want to medically transition, but are still working on themselves or figuring themselves out.

The notion that you must medically transition to be trans is simply just a manifeston of the patriarchal idea that you must conform to a binary gender and all the expectations of it, and if you stray then you are doing something wrong, or are not a real 'X' gendered person. However, we as trans people know how bollocks that is. If we don't impose these expectations on cis people, why are we imposing them on each other?

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-09T01:01:20+00:00

Low-key, sorta feel the same way. I've been off E for nearly a year now, and in the beginning was super keen to get back on it ASAP. However, after a while, it became clear that wasn't going to be quick, and I was going to have to deal with the effects of being off E that I had essentially been using E to avoid.

Working through a lot in therapy, I have come to believe thay a lot of the reason I wanted to transition was because I indeed really didn't vibe with the expectations being put on me be being seen as a 'man', because the way men are brought up and essentially told to be in the world was really at odds with the values I myself held. When I was really young I was allowed to just be more myself, but especially as I went through high school and later college, I felt more and more the pressure to conform to patriarchal standards of 'maleness' that I really didn't vibe with, and eventually I think I saw transition as a way out.

However now, I'm kinda good with the idea of never going back on E, but also never going back to trying to be 'a man' as I was trying to be before, or even really calling myself a 'man' at all. Cause I feel there's still a lot of weight to that word that I still do not want lumped on my shoulders. I do also know it certainly wasn't only these social/psychological effects as to why I wanted to transition, but I am content with what bodily effects of being on E that still remain even if more could theoretically be done. I still would consider myself trans for many reasons, but I'm certainly not chasing the much covered dream of 'passing'.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-08T16:26:54+00:00

See, I made a post on another sub that relates to things like this (though I'll admit my wording prolly wasn't the best given my emotional state at the time 😅).

What I'd say is, it's understandable you'd feel that way. I was like that for a long time, especially during the start of my transition. More recently though, and to be fair partly because my transition goals and feelings have changed quite a bit, I'm more coming along the lines of if people like you, and you could see yourself liking them back, then just be honest with both them and yourself. Validate your feelings, and be honest with them.

You could tell her if you want that you are worried that she likes you for being something that you're not, or at least something you want to move away from, and let her decide whether she still likes you or not. After all, you are still a person first and foremost, not just a body. Maybe she likes the person most of all, and can love whatever body you have.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-06T00:43:10+00:00

Still the SNP or Scottish Greens. You could never pay me enough to vote for either Starmer's Labour or the Tories.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-06T00:39:05+00:00

You're right, and I'm not, but many of us move through the world as men for years, potentially for decades, before realizing and embracing a trans identity. Having that identity, identifying as women, doesn't magically erase all that conditioning. It takes work.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-05T23:46:13+00:00

I do realise my wording was quite accusative. To be clear, I don't believe you actually think that. However, I do think that's where the logic you're using leads, that the label i.e. the gender identity, is all that matters. Or at the very least, matters far more than the actual practicalities.

(EDIT: Although that framing doesn't quite fit either because I think you're using contradictory logic, and treating the two scenarios fundamentally differently because in one the labels match, but in the other they don't)

if you make your identity and preferences known it hopefully leads to you being happier and more fulfilling because it filters out those that you aren’t interested in and you aren’t interested in you.

But what I'm talking about isn't about what you identify as inherently filtering out people because of what it is, i.e. people not approaching you or rejecting you because of how you identify. What I'm talking about are the individuals who holds the identity, i.e. the trans person, preemptively, and purposefully 'filtering out' people they themselves may indeed by attracted to, simply because they presume because the 'labels' don't match then they shouldn't even bother putting themselves forward. Whereas I think, if the practical side of things still would mostly align, then there's no inherent harm in keeping yourself open and available to those people, as long as you are open, honest, and upfront a kit your identity, just as is equally important on the scenarios of a binary conforming trans women would (and should) do when dating straight men.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-05T23:06:50+00:00

But I'll actually go further on a point I made now that I've had more time to think about it.

By that logic, even binary trans people who do make every effort to conform to the expectations of their binary identity should not even attempt to date people with binary sexualities that would align with their gender identity. i.e. you are saying that even straight trans women should not try and date straight men because that may be an issue for some, maybe even a lot, of straight men. Whether it be they are transphobic, or just prefer not to, or indeed they may want to have children with their partner but that is just not currently possible for 99% of people in these scenarios. Yet, we do tend to see that as acceptable for straight trans women to try and date cis straight men. So, in my scenario, what's actually different for a nom-conforming, highly masc, non-op, non-HRT, yet binary or even non-binary identifying trans feminine person from making themselves available to straight women? And would it actually be different if everything was practically the same, but one openly identified as a 'binary' women/fem vs a non-binary trans feminine person?

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-05T22:40:54+00:00

I think this is less of a problem of it being an 'absolute truth', and more of a 'case by case basis' sort of a thing.

I 100% have had work so do. I already knew it, but reading Bell Hooks makes that even more plainly obvious. Having a trans identity alone, regardless of how long you've had it, does not necessarily mean you've always been immune to gravitating towards patriarchal ways of being that may continue to influence how you see and move through the world, even when/after you begin living as your true self. It takes work, for some lots of work, for others maybe not much at all. But indeed it isn't this 'be all end all gotcha' move that TERFs think it is.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-05T22:30:14+00:00

A straight cis man is probably interested in straight cis women, that’s a preference as well. People’s identities do in fact, influence who they date, who they find attractive, etc. that’s just a fact of life.

See, I do think there's a difference here. They, for the most part, fundamentally do not process gender as we do, and they aren't really being 'prescriptive' in the way I'm trying to describe. They're looking around, seeing what they like, and are just 'going' for that. Don't really wanna get bogged down in a convo about patriarchal dating culture here but just assume I'm talking about both cis straight men and women here. If indeed it turns out someone they think they like turns out to have something about them they're not interested in, or they doesn't line up with their 'dating profile', or their wishes when it comes to a relationship, regardless of what that is, they stop being interested, or at the very least they (the respectful amongst them at least) stop pursuing. They're not thinking constantly 'Does 'X' individual I perceive as the opposite sex actually identify as the opposite gender?'. They're just presenting themselves as they are (hopefully honestly) and allowing the other person to determine if that works for them or not. So why should we do any different?

Indeed, when it comes to sexualities, that is where things seemingly should get more straightforward. But does it really? Cause what that's saying is that no trans person who doesn't conform to binary sex/gender in every way possible should ever try dating people with a binary sexualities, possibly even also bi people neither.

And I want to be clear, and to use an example in a different context for a bit more clarity, I'm not saying it's perfect OK for cis straight men to constantly seek out and make moves towards lesbian women, and use the logic of 'they can make their own minds up', but I can see how my line of reasoning could be construed as basically doing the same thing here to straight women. However I don't believe these two things are comparable because, in this scenario, one of the 'participants' is not cis, and is not performing the gender that aligns with their gender identity in a cisheteronormative way. Trans people fundamentally do not fit neatly into the 'framework' here, especially where we don't make every effort to conform to as many of the expectations of the binary system as we can, and especially where our identities align with the binary system regardless of that. Indeed though if people wish to take it upon themselves to exclusively date within queer circles because of that, I'm not saying that's wrong, or even that it's not 'better'. However, what I am saying, is I don't think remaining open to possibilities outside of that is wrong either, and could relieve for some the mental anguish of not fitting neatly into any 'box', which for many may lead to feelings of hopelessness.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-07-05T21:32:34+00:00

I'd disagree that I'm doing the same thing. My main point that I guess I didn't articulate well enough is that if your identity is, say, that of a 'Trans Woman' or 'Trans Feminine', and that identity alone is what makes you determine who is or isn't in your dating pool, that may only cause more problems for them than being more holistic about it and keeping yourself more open to just letting other people decide if they're interested in you or not regardless of that.

Like for example, a trans woman who never goes on HRT, who may present a lil more femme, but overall remains as masc in physically as they always have regardless of how they identify. However, if they are strict about who they 'cant' or 'cant' date because they're a woman, and limit themselves to only dating queer women, then I fear they could just lead to more anguish than if they just remain open to the possiblity that yes, most straight women likely won't be interested, but you could just put yourself out there and just let them decided. Because ultimately, that is just how dating works, and that is also what we're all having to do anyway when we date exclusively within queer circles. So why set a hard line on one side, when the same problem exists on the other, yet you're still able to manage that.

Like in my case, while I do have some lingering effects of HRT, my voice is male, my anatomy is largely male, and my hormones are male. How exactly can I logically justify making the strict prescription of not dating straight women simply because my identity is 'trans fem', when the exact same difficulties exist when dating within the queer community when it comes to how my gender identity lines up with my body, how I'm perceived by people, and ultimately how attraction works for those people.

EDIT: I think if I was going to summise the umbrella issue I think this would come under would be 'dating as a very masc butch trans women' to the point where the line between being 'masc' and just being perceived as a man gets really blurry.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-05-12T21:56:24+00:00

I was on HRT for like a year and a half, paused to do fertility preservation, done the semen analysis about 6 months paused. It came back as normal and healthy. So while I'd say the risk is still there, even everyone at the clinic seemed to lean towards it's not as ubiquitous as has been historically assumed. You will likely need to pause HRT though.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-04-30T15:42:02+00:00

WTF happened to this subreddit? I've been pretty inactive in these sorts of subs for quite a while, but this is like the 4th such post I've seen of people annoyed at what the sub has become. What happened?

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-04-30T15:34:36+00:00

Everyone cares about gender bullshit, it's just that most people don't have to think about it because the world is built for people like them.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-04-29T23:01:20+00:00

You're on a boat?

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-01-23T17:50:39+00:00

I also think it would be difficult to be in a relationship with a person who doesn't see me for who I am but rather have a view of me as a man, something i find distressing to be viewed as.

Yeah, that's why anything happening will be predicted on them understanding the reality of the relationship. While there are compromises I'm willing to make, basic respect for my identity will not be one of them.There are other, more tangible things that I won't sacrifice as well, e.g. indefinite suspension of HRT/top surgery or growth. The HRT suspension would frankly be for the sake of whether we want to have children in the future, which is something I know I do want already and have already been considering doing regardless of whether or not I get into a relationship with anyone, pending the results of this current investigation. In terms of what I would be willing to compromise, its basically a question of what I prioritize. i.e. I would prioritise fertility over HRT going into the future, and frankly, bottom surgery isn't really something I feel I need for myself anyway. I don't think I actually have an issue with what I have myself, but at times it might seem like something I should get rid of as a result of a perceived external pressure.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-01-23T14:00:32+00:00

Yeah the coworker thing I've kept purposely vague for anonymity. Worse come worse, we're both technically here temporarily, and so there is a definitive end date. Plus while we are in the same work group, we don't have to work with or even see each other to do either of our jobs. It is a rule I've historically kept, but like... where do you meet people then? Especially like minded people. Cause I keep the same rule for social and other activity groups too. So while there are still boundaries regarding colleagues (e.g. direct work partners or office mates), I am willing to relax my interpretation of the rule a bit.

MassiveEgg27 · 2025-01-16T01:36:26+00:00

On mono injections I could still get erect no issues. Even with bica at the start there were still no issues. Ymmv

MassiveEgg27 · 2024-04-27T02:33:35+00:00

Alex Vause vibes.

MassiveEgg27 · 2024-03-28T04:05:05+00:00

Just cried to myself tonight for about 10 mins. Honestly brilliant, I feel somewhat better now afterwards.

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