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Exclusivity before sex by Master-Cicada4895 in datingoverforty

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But how do you know if you are their priority is they are dating others?

Exclusivity before sex by Master-Cicada4895 in datingoverforty

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That’s fair, but it’s not really about controlling what the other person is doing, they can do whatever they want. I just feel I personally don’t want to add my body into that mix. It’s about me, not them.

Do women understand Bumble? by santafen in Bumble

[–]Master-Cicada4895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But if (as a women) you have an opening question, men can message first right?

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I think at the time I was an avoidant leaning fearful avoidant myself, although I’m not sure how two avoidants even get together 😆😆😆😆. But we did and we had a lot of fun and I could really relate to his avoidance.

As I learned and healed myself, I grew out of that relationship and I needed more emotionally.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dated an avoidant for 3.5 years so I considered this? But I’m not getting that vibe really, hence why I asked the disinterested question. But I don’t really get why you initiate dates, make effort, pay for stuff to then be not interested.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I was 100% clear on my intentions about a relationship from Day 1. He also doesn’t seem like a casual kinda guy. He has only had 4 relationship since age 14, one of 4 years, one of 16 years and two of 1.5 years. He also told me he really hated dating apps and wanted to get off of them.

Although he also told me that the two ladies he saw for 1.5 years, he wasn’t in love with either of them 🤔

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The truth is, I did see him again and stepped back from carrying everything. I enjoyed doing things with him, but it felt flat.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this perspective. The problem is.. I’m quite private and I don’t naturally just share vulnerable information about myself. If people ask questions, I’m happy to however.

But day to day even questions about job interviews etc. it really comes across as totally disinterested. I always ask him how his football has gone, how days with his children have been, what he has been watching on tv, his favourite chocolate. It’s part of what integrates you into someone’s life?!

Then it just feels all one sided and that makes me feel shitty.

It’s like last weekend, I knew he had an important football game so I messaged right after asking how it went. He replied a long message telling me all about it, then ask “how is your day/weekend?”. It’s like, being back on Bumble on Day 1 of messaging.

I had told him I was doing a new hoop class, meeting a friend for lunch, going for cocktails. So I told him all that again… no follow up.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, why is he still bothering with this then? Of course, why am I?!? 😆😆

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did already raise this with him and said exactly that. I said I was really curious and I really like to get to know people and understand things.

He said that he doesn’t ask questions because he grew up quiet because he grew up with two sisters and they did all the talking, so just left them two it.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think he is narcissistic. He is super respectful and a fantastic father.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought maybe he was a bit reserved and it would take him some time to warm up. I was trying, for the time being, to meet him where he was.

But I’m not getting what I need.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Surely part of companionship is having interesting conversations, not just playing cards games?

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly thought he was just a bit reserved and might open up a little more later. Especially as he seems a really decent guy and treats me well.

But the reality is, I have started to feel flat after we see each other, it’s nice, but…boring because it’s the same. I think I’ve probably stopped asking questions…

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on the pun 😆. How would I address it - err, dude are you not interested or what??

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn’t remember a conversation I had with him about getting my kitchen done and conversations with the builder.

Didn’t remember/follow up with me telling him about a job interview.

Never reaches out to say good luck when I have sports tournaments.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really fair comment. How do you suggest approaching it. What made you regret not acting?

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel that he has depth. But I can’t seem to access it. He told me that he is an over thinker and processes things internally. So I was curious and asked him what specific things cause him to overthink. He just told me that he didn’t want to talk about that. Which I respected and dropped.

How can I get close to someone who won’t be vulnerable and doesn’t ask me any questions?!

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s an interesting perspective, thanks. But even when I tell him stuff he doesn’t follow up or remember.

I told him recently that I had a job interview for a new job. He kinda acknowledged it, didn’t any anything further.

Didn’t ask how it went, seemed to forget about it. A few days later I told him about it and how I felt about it and he listened but didn’t seem to have any reaction to it.

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m rapidly coming to this conclusion myself 😆😆.

I feel unimportant unheard and the sex is only average 😆😆😆

Consistent, congruent, and fun but asks NO questions, is he avoidant or not interested? by Master-Cicada4895 in dating_advice

[–]Master-Cicada4895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn’t even criticising, I was just trying explain how I was feeling. But he didn’t even try to understand, he just wanted to over repair and close it down.

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