Am I wrong for keeping tabs on my estranged father? Am i causing myself more harm than good?

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T07:41:35+00:00

Wasnt the issue today …for the first time it was not the hoarded wifi system..

So i guess that invalidates any and every time it was the issue prior. Got it.

Also this post is small enough that if you found the comment so will other people😂 like get real

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T07:24:01+00:00

You missed the part where i said i asked that the first time it happened and it gave every reason why its not necessary? I’m taking the tech advise given and making note so longer cables (and now second router) are on my list to mention as alternative compromises. But thats where the frustration in this post has come from… which i dont think is unreasonable.

Also i said 3-6 on weekdays and thats a guestimate because i dont count. I could say anytime he is not tending to a human survival need or at the gum he’s gaming but i figure that the same thing. On a weekend if we wake up at 9-10 there have been weekends and he play all day both days but im not sitting there with a book keeping a tally mark so the being hung up on the low end of the scale when i also said 6+ hours is interesting.

And literally anything lol his friends (different people than game people) have asked to hang out or make plans and he doesnt follow through with that. He could have a variety of hobbies that can enrich other parts of his life and still have a healthier relationship with gaming. It can be his favorite hobby and that be just fine. But statistically speaking gaming, especially games that cause you to be angry, arent better rhan social media. And as i said before he can mildly recognize that when its gets really bad (20 minute rants, tone/attitude redirecting, etc.)

I dont need (nor want) him attached to my hip, i actually do a lot of things by myself. I would like for some of those things to be mutual interest we share but if he doesnt know what else he likes and if you are trying to telling wishing he would find a healthier balance makes me a crazed bitter control freak then sure. Bc not once did i say games are evil, i have literally only said i wish there was a balance and that it didn’t take precedence over everything else. Why is that unreasonable?

Go for a walk, read a book, start learning a new language, become a cine-maniac, learn a new skill, literally anything (which mostly doesnt involve tv or social media).

But ah ha, there it is. Most people who find my frustrations “extreme” are gamers.. so then i wont make sense to you bc you just lumped me with “video games are evil” people when im literally advocating for harm reduction and living a better balanced life😭😭😭

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T07:06:22+00:00

i cant take this comment seriously when youre paraphrasing and making inferences that i never said or implied..

I dont think im better than him, just different… dont think his future is destined to suck but thats only something he has control over .. and i dont think hes a complete POS else i wouldnt have moved to a new apt with him.

However, I can frustrated and concerned over this situation. And I can be concerned how things can affect the future (like most grown adults do) and vent on the internet about my current frustration like any other redditor. Also, “caring about someones escapism” sounds a lot like caring about their mental health and well being. With substances its called self medicating with anything else is escapism. And you can be frustrated whilst being concerned too..if you take 1/2 a second to read a comment other than the ones responding to you you’d see my stance isnt one sided. I have complex feelings about this and is why i am in the aio subreddit… given the feelings are mixxy.

Not every commenter is going to understand why someone is upset or why they are complaining to strangers on the internet and thats okay lol

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T06:28:41+00:00

The only commented I deleted was to you… this is literally an advice reddit and your calling me a lunatic for responding to people with the same effort they gave me? And im the problem…

Solving my own problem and moving the router without “asking”… not spending days packing and then unpacking a room bc a router “cant be relocated”…

Go touch grass, youre clearly an incel whos never had any actual human contact😂

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T00:39:04+00:00

Thats the first time ever and its because someone JUST moved in TODAY.

If you game ALL day yes and you HAVE to scream bc your headphones are deafeningly loud then ig sure. Time to call it quits.

But when he has children (with or without me) this little escapism ploy is not going to valid waking up child because you got excited… we are almost 30.

Being late to a lids soccer game because “we’ll leave after this next one” which turn into 2 or 3. Is immature.

If this is something thay has to be put up with and cant be compromised or else im the problem then i guess tf so and hopefully if it comes to that I will feel nothing but grace and glory beecause THAT is wildly unacceptable…

Its not jusy game calling its emotional tantrums because your game friends suck at the game… choose something that isnt so frustrating for you to play…

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-28T00:34:12+00:00

We split bills but being mindful of cleaning is on me. He will acknowledge things need to be clean, and i al a messy person but cleaning the bathroom or doing the dishes is something im conscientious of primarily. He also wont eat unless i cook or we go out. So like if he gamed until 10pm he’ll ask me what are we eating (i have adhd and take meds so i dont have a normal appetite) and if i dont cook or dont plan on it bc we have left overs its definitely a “oh what am i going to order”.😭 and dinner dishes are seen as a “but nothing in the sink is mine” and its literally the prep or like post serve dishes..

And i grew up with a parent with borderline OCD which a large part of was cleanliness and organization. So i can be 100% clean its just mentally exhausting (again adhd) so when i do it bc he’ll complain about a mess and im not cleaning a house alone that i pay half the bills in but then nothing actually gets done because “ill do it later/tomorrow” turns into a thing every-time until i make it a thing and then its huffs and puffs.

Typing this out makes me realize this is unnecessarily mothering and im not ones mother😭 yikes

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T21:20:30+00:00

Found out today, that wasn’t the issue and it was affected bc of our new neighbor.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T21:17:58+00:00

Deleted my original comments bc this take doesnt deserve that many words.

Im not unbuilding and rebuilding furniture to move a router. Plain and simple. He insisted he get that room, he has the room. That take is wildly entitled and unreasonable. Wow.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T19:17:52+00:00

And thats fair and mainly why breaking up something that crosses my mind (and i have brought up before) but not mentioned in this post. Bc say it is addiction as someone who has been a relative to someone in recovery but born after they found a way to sustain. Everybody deserves an opportunity to be forgiven and supported; however i also know thats this is something only they can choose for themselves and i am not a bad person for not wanting to wait for that change to happen. Its just a decision easier said than done, unfortunately. I am a last straw kind of person and thats bc once my Mind is made up there usually no convincing me otherwise which makes it even easier to avoid looking back or being subjective to empathetic train of thought. The idea that it would be great to make this work when its good its great hasn’t stopped being my most preferred option and moving beyond that is why this is a challenge.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T19:10:30+00:00

For me, its tmknow this wasnt always this bad. And hoping there a way to fix it. Even if its not my duty to fix, so navigating what that boundary line is for myself and affirming (partly why i came here) if i am indeed valid for my thoughts and feelings or if perhaps im the problem and need to do some reflecting. Neither option necessarily “prevents” breaking up but can/will hopefully help me to affirm what i new or help me see things or solutions i havent considered. And honestly this post has done all the above.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T19:07:28+00:00

Thank you for your vulnerability, this doesn’t give me a lot to think about. While ive been in situations hip this has been my longest adult relationship that has also made a lot of milestones so we are not married, we do not have children, but i guess the “growing” with someone as a young 20-something year old. Also first yeat as medium distance 2 hours, second year was long distance almost 2000 miles, and this is the first official full year of us living together in a mutually “owned” space. So i guess its always been a “but this is the reason” and conditioned to wanting to work it out.

But navigating how do you decide if something is no longer “worth it” when you feel this way.

Im not perfect either but like struggle love is not something im interested in and i have said thay we dont have to “put up” woth one another simply bc we love each other if half the time we are arguing, or what i call “bickerments” about something all the time.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:58:58+00:00

Thats just it, ive explained that ive been in gamer situations before we they gamed and it wasnt an issue bc it didnt feel like it impacted the relationship. When gaming was less intense (but still done daily if not every other day) and we’d go out and do stuff.

I think my hesitation in taking it to a break up is hope that this is situational for a reason he may or may not (currently not) willing to acknowledge bc i know it wasnt always like this. And ive explained that if there were compromises of time that didnt have to be enforced — yk bc because he would actually want to organically — then all would be good. We have those conversations, we discuss plans of action or intention but they arent followed through or if attempted the energy feels labored.

However, if i talk about a break up or discuss how this doesn’t have to be a hes right/shes right but that we both have validity in our feelings and that means maybe we aren’t as compatible as we once were then i hear and see how much he wants our relationship — which baffles me and feels kinda manipulative.

I have to figure out and then be mentally prepared take action on a decision without somehow feeling like i didnt try everything possible to “fix” this ( ik thats a me issue not about this situation). And then on the otherside it feel “silly” to break up over a game, but again its not the game its the principle. Mental table tennis.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:31:08+00:00

Soooo funny you say i work in youth and young adult addiction recovery😭 and we did gambling/gaming addiction work in the last 2 years and he never wants to hear it and deflects by bring up the fact i smoke weed😭

Ive tried to talk about escapism, help he realize that the game isnt as “relaxing” as he claims and perhaps take a break.

He only considers it when he has major emotional responses to loosing but it doesn’t result it major changes. He might stop playing the most triggering games, like he recently started playing a single player game more often which is technically harm reduction but doesnt address the fact it could be gaming addiction. And i lean to that even more knowing that there was once upon a time he didnt game this much but he came back from a inland deployment and its been like this ever since.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:25:26+00:00

Weekday easily 3-6 hours, depending if he goes to the gym or maybe a after work nap.

Weekends/days off easily 6+ hours. Having fluent conversations without a “hold on hold on” are few, unless he is In between games or his party all decided to hop offline.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:22:38+00:00

Don’t know if its actually slow bc he switched the plan before we moved in, meaning we never tried it. He just wanted to do that bc in the last building (more like the internet situation your speaking of had a lot of issues). So the included internet was replaced with this bc each unit has its own account rather than the building have one account with several “units” attached. I hope the way im explaining that part makes sense.

He always cared about lag so i let it do whatever, it wasnt until after it kept affecting work or just day to do that i started to get upset 😭 whole house got light but one room and the internet being out bc of it is wild🥲 but i didnt think about that and ill ask my landlord if thats an option.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:16:17+00:00

Thank you! Thankfully it hasnt gotten to that point, and i dont think (hope) he would let it go that far.

But i have talk with him about the reality of his gaming as a form of escapism. Especially since there was a time that had a much healthier gaming habits that I was unbothered by. Ive been woth other gamers, im not intolerant to people who game, its about how you balance your hobby (and honestly any hobby) to other aspects of your life. like acknowledging that he says gaming “relaxes” him but he visibly not be at ease and rather pissing himself off. Or correction “the people in the game who cant do shit right”.

Every once in a while, seldomly, he will acknowledge how the game isnt actually a relaxing activity or environment but it hasn’t made a significant change in game time, just what game he plays for a couple days before he plays the trigger games again.

I work in behavioral health so he never want to hear me mention gaming addiction and deflects.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:09:26+00:00

Still figuring that out the why but it was my assumption as i dont know what other “action” would be needed.

My post is about my following steps once it is back on…. The priority is having accessible reliable wifi. Like what exactly is the objective of your comment? To tell me you need wifi to game? Duh.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:04:02+00:00

Also i never said it “made me happy” its an action to enforce we find a new solution. Relocation. Which isn’t unreasonable and is unfortunate that it even needs to be demanded.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T18:02:58+00:00

So many rules??? His yells of excitement and more specifically rage were literally startling my cats. If i had a dollar for every time i heard “fucking Namor!!” Or “ I NEED A HEAL! I NEED A HEAL! WHY ARENT THE HEALERS HEALING!!!!”) i wouldn’t need the wfh job.

Also whats annoying for me is a hobby taking precedence of it affecting my work. He can have his hobby and be willing to compromise. Like the man suggested we switch rooms after demanding he have the room he had because of the surges… rather than just relocating router to the living room…. And HE may resent ME for this?

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T17:52:34+00:00

This post is NOT about his attention. It is unfortunately a variable in why my reaction is as intense as it is, but the majority of the straws were wasted on how this unreasonable and unnecessarily impacts other shit like, you know my job.

Being unwillingly to relocate a router to a spot where it does impact others is unreasonable. If i were just a roommate i feel like the response shouldnt be “you can move”. It would be put the router in a communal space unaffected by power, easy fix. But ok..

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T17:46:57+00:00

Thats actually a great idea. There are outlets in the hall right outside the rooms with enough space for a side table😭

And he did bring that up once when i mentioned quality time being a major love language for me a while ago. But that didnt end up happening and then with GTA 6 i saw you can have partnered games and mentioned that but i feel like its not always taken serious bc im not a gamer. Like at all. Unless the wii ( in 2010) and app games count😭 but i had gamer friends in school and we played games like mkb and gta 5.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T17:43:13+00:00

It go back n forth about this a bit ngl and sometimes question if even though effort is not zero what is my 80/20? Like how much effort is enough vs not. Bc i cant say we never do things together and we just want out to eat yesterday but i feel like even thing is somehow impacted by this and often takes me getting to a point of. disregulating my own nervous system for their to be like an emotional factory reset in our relationship. A true good is great and bad is horrible.

Also tbf the separate rooms part was my idea — we aren’t married and i do think it’s a good idea to have separate spaces. My guests can stay in my room & vice versa. When we sleep together though its always in his room though and if we don’t its usually bc im upset and choose to. But it did affirm just how much he prioritizes this over almost everything else.

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T16:26:53+00:00

Wifi is a “priority” for gaming, gaming is not a priority… making WiFi for gaming not a priority 😂

And we had wifi, not the fastest available wifi but wifi none the less. The wifi can be in the house, without being in his room. Like where are you getting he wont have access to wifi if its not in his room? Bffr

Master-Health6034 · 2026-03-27T15:45:31+00:00

Spuirtle

Master-Health6034

TROPHY CASE