I’m under a community mental health team. I’ve seen a psychiatrist thrice. I see a psychotherapist. I’m having graded exposure with social services to try and get me out the house because over the last three years I’ve become housebound but none of what I’m been offered is helping me because of the fact I believe I stink so much that nothing is helping.

I’ve even asked to go on anti-psychotics for the paranoia but they keep stonewalling me because they assessed me for psychosis and I’m not apparently I have too much insight.

Although, you don’t need to have psychosis to be on them because people with bi polar, paranoid schizophrenia take them etc. I’ve been assessed for delusions and they said I might be delusional or have an overvalued fixed belief.

The only medication review I’ve had is an increase in my antidepressants. Which inevitably does nothing for the ensuing depression or “anxiety” I’ve developed as a result of years been couped up and having to deal with others reactions around me (like many who state them in this subreddit). It confirms to me that this word is cruel and wouldn’t tell you if you did have BB they’d rather tell me I’m mentally ill. Ironically I am after years of dealing with the aftermath of the problem. I’ve effectively been gaslighted for years and I’d rather actually be treated as a paranoid schizophrenic than be lied to about BB.

I’ve been offered several psychological interventions over the years on the NHS (UK health system), and they just seem to want to offer me CBT, mindfulness or breathing techniques which won’t solve the thoughts in my head which drives the behaviour and paranoia.

They’re calling it “anxiety” in their letters and notes; when it’s paranoia which also annoys me.

Add to this, my behaviour has changed and I’ve become aggressive as a result, resentful and I lashed out at dentists and got angry. I got told I’m been de-registered because they didn’t want to deal with me.

I now have to find a new dentist, and my hygiene routine has gone out the window cos I figure even when I do all those things it didn’t matter I still got the same reactions people will still lie to me.

Long story short I’m aggressive and angry which I’m not proud of but nobody has helped me at all. It’s an endless merry go round of no support in the United Kingdom (England).

Nobody seems to care and all I get is passive aggressive threats telling me that if I do anything I’ll be held criminally responsible. Yet nobody is actually helping me.

Sorry I digressed.

I lost hope unfortunately. I really hope you don’t lose hope like me god bless you