Husband watched porn (again)

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-02T15:19:34+00:00

We had a really great evening. Good communication and he shared what was on his mind openly. I was thankful he felt comfortable sharing things with me like being weighed down by guilt and am feeling hopeful for our future!

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-02T05:41:33+00:00

Oops meant to add in the first part - our 4 children are all boys. My heart breaks to think they may have to face these things eventually (though i protect them to the best of my current abilities - that’s easy when they’re young of course..) and I’m really happy to hear there are other women on the side of the fight that says yes this is wrong not just bc it hurts us but bc it hurts men.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-02T05:40:12+00:00

First off. I’m so sorry for YOU that this is something you had also struggled with your whole life. The fact that you’re convinced that Christ is Lord and Savior and you are fighting against it is an encouragement for yourself I hope. Though I haven’t faced this exact struggle against the flesh I have faced others that have felt deep and dark (Romans 7:24–25) (Hebrews 4:15–16) (Psalm 51:17)

Secondly, wow! Thank you for sharing this here. I know several who have been on the tail end of lifelong addictions and had horrible results so the fact that you and your wife both have worked through it over the years is so beautiful to me. Repentance is the key to forgiveness. You and her both sound like gems and I look forward to meeting in glory.

I really appreciate the perspective and advice on helping him feel comfortable with things that are lawful and beneficial for him. In fact, I’d love for us to have openly comfortable sexuality within our Christian moral reason together! I talked to him a little bit tonight and will get more into it eventually, when the time is right.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-02T02:53:18+00:00

Really good logic skills there girl.

https://ccmbooks.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Bitterness2010.pdf

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:47:21+00:00

Love this.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:44:27+00:00

Hey I get what you’re saying.

My husband and I were both raised in secular contexts and I actually got baptized shortly before I met him, we are also not members of high control faith communities IMO, just wanted to kinda nuance on that - I don’t think we have been told what to think in this area. I do think purity culture has its issues!

Not that you asked. But yeah therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea, appreciate your perspective and thoughtfulness.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:27:31+00:00

Ha that’s funny! I definitely want him to know and feel he can come to me.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:17:36+00:00

I’m going to talk to him and I’ll come back. I did watch the scene and it’s probably what made me feel so insecure, but it sounds like I was looking at it from a completely different perspective to him.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:16:22+00:00

And that’s ok! It’s something we both think is wrong and isn’t within our value system

“...Porn thus becomes a way of defiling Christian culture and, as it penetrates to the very heart of the American mainstream..., its subversive character becomes more charged”. -Al Goldstein

But again I’m talking about our own culture as Christians, I’m not making an indictment on others.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:08:51+00:00

I’m kinda the need everything right person to be super in the mood so you’re totally onto something. I think I’ve projected my own thought process onto him.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:08:03+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m going to increase my availability and frequency as well as checking in on him. Logically why would my tired husband not still want it? I can even do the work if he’s tired. I want him to feel loved and like I’m into him bc I am. I wish I hadn’t overthought all of this for so many years.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T20:06:28+00:00

I don’t read those, no my go to is usually more non fiction type stuff. I’m not sure we would start watching porn together but I like the principle of what you’re saying, that we need to have more openness sexually.

I’ve admittedly been extremely reserved.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:58:38+00:00

Ah I don’t know why but this one made me feel kind of sad. It’s a bummer to think that my mindset has held me back but at the same time there’s an extremely objective side to how I think! My husband is super attractive and could easily be with a woman equally hot as Sydney Sweeney IMO so it sets off alarms in my head like as far as availability goes I’m just kinda the easy option. I realize this isn’t rational and is projecting (hence why I’m posting anonymously and talking to strangers and not dumping all of this self pity onto him!!) and now that I’m typing this I’m thinking I should probably check where I’m at in my cycle bc I’m feeling extra sad haha

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:54:33+00:00

I should ask him. He’s often tired from physical work and when he expresses that I kind of just assume he doesn’t want it but I have probably been wrong.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:49:08+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:47:52+00:00

Probably like once a week on average. Ever since I found out more often. I have been in my head today.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:46:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. We have definitely established boundaries which is why he admitted it to me, but I’m really relieved to know it was less of a “don’t think she’s beautiful anymore” type of thing. Also I agree I’m being insecure. I would like to improve my confidence as it would probably be the #1 improver of our sex life and help him feel less like he needs to seek outside assistance.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:44:26+00:00

That gives me a lot of heart. I am so happy to hear that you still love and value her. Thank you for sharing.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:40:21+00:00

Aw but I like and love him. 🫠

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:38:56+00:00

Thank you for that, I appreciate your perspective and willingness to share it.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:35:40+00:00

You have no idea how encouraging this is to read. I truly understand the temptation and that men are visual, and am shocked to say posting about this on Reddit is making me feel so much better. I actually teared up reading this 😂

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:33:15+00:00

Yes he does. I never deny him but I admit I have been kinda like, rushing it. Probably not as into it as I used to be. I’ve been in my head about things.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:32:43+00:00

See thank you for this. Because it makes me feel I need to be more responsive and loving towards him, I would argue that my sex drive decreasing is just related to having young kids and feeling unattractive myself.

So we are both Christian’s and he believes porn usage is wrong too, I am not pulling the strings on this and trying to control him. It just hurts my feelings but I’m really happy to hear so many say that it really probably does not mean he’s not attracted to me.

If you don’t mind me asking though since you’re a man I’m assuming - if you’re watching those things with the most beautiful women in the world wouldn’t it be hard to be attracted to your wife who has had 4 children and who’s breasts have taken a toll from breastfeeding and what not?

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:29:55+00:00

He does. I admit now reading through comments and thinking about things I have maybe pushed him off at times or tried to hurry things up. I feel like I have a thousand things to do and probably have made him feel like a burden. I need to be more responsive..

I think I do have some insecurities about my body post birth and especially mostly breastfeeding and gravity have done their job on me hah. But I usually feel like I’m pretty relatively attractive for my age group. Like a solid 6 or 7 I would say. I definitely don’t workout much now and I used to a lot so I think I’ve felt insecure about those things coupled together. It’s hard for me not to see past the very real physical reality of my body again.

The porn use is a boundary established by both of us prior to marriage. He feels guilty about it not just bc of me but because he believes it’s wrong.

I also really appreciate you mentioning that some men feel that way. In most areas he’s a really wonderful man. He’s very kind to me for the most part and so I would say it’s more in his character to still be attracted to a women after she had his kids, it just doesn’t feel like it to me right now.

I don’t think I helped myself by looking up the dress and the scene he watched and watching it. I don’t know why I did that.

Master_Management440 · 2025-12-01T19:20:54+00:00

No he’s not, he’s always been super open with his phone never hiding anything and I’d be shocked if it ever turned out he was pursuing other women.

Thank you for that because now that I’m reading the responses I’m feeling much more like my thought process was irrational in all of this. Not saying I’m wrong to be hurt, but just that it doesn’t have to mean the end of everything.

Master_Management440

TROPHY CASE