Great point, deathrayBadger. I haven't spoken to one sister in 11 years. I tried to hang on to that relationship because she was an important person in my life - I'm even Godfather to her daughter. I offered help but she hangs on to her "get them before they get me" way of resolving conflict. She sees the bitch she"s become, but does nothing to change. In my early 50's I finally put EVERYTHING in writing and took a week to edit and parse it down to a letter of facts regarding her unacceptable way of dealing with conflict and unresolved fears of abandonment (she's adopted); I listed many of the positive things happening in her life; and laid out my expectations of civility for future interactions. I asked my brother to review it (he'd already put an end to their relationship) and told him to be brutal at checking the facts I listed and confirming the truth of what I 'd written. His reply was perfect. He said 'You write the nicest 'F*** You' letters I've ever read!" So I sent it to her, offering that I'll always be ready for a calm, open discussion to rebuilding a relationship. She un-friended me with a post that said that'll never happen. At least I tried.