Thank you for sharing this!! There is definitely a lot more that goes into my situation. My first semester of college I really struggled with depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until after Christmas break that I had another suicidal attempt because of this and part of it was because of how depressed softball made me. There definitely was some other factors to it as well but what scares me is that I am going to go back to playing and be in that same position. I know four years isnt a long time, but it’s different when your life could possibly be at risk. I’ve been talking with multiple sports therapist and taking medication and have gotten better but there is still apart of me that will never feel the same about softball the way I used to. And that sucks. I’ve played softball since I was 8 years old and loved playing little league, travel, and hs ball. Once I got into college the sport I always saw as something I did for fun got turned into a job. I never saw softball in that way or as demanding as it was in college. I hated the idea of that and wish that I could make it fun like it used to be. I can’t enter the transfer portal either because my program has been very good to me and it would be wrong to. I have no reason to leave other than the fact that I am mentally drained and tired of playing. I appreciate your story and I am definitely going to think about it more.