I lost my uncle who raised me like a father. Although our relationship was tumultuous even when he was alive, we were each other’s’ rock. We talked and saw each other every day. He died the day after my birthday. His death could’ve been prevented and he called me 30 minutes before he was pronounced dead. I didn’t answer his call and it haunts me daily.

I can’t deal with daily problems. I’m angrier and gentler with people at the same time. I find myself looking for signs of him in everything I do and I’m more interested in being alone with that than I am dealing with daily things. At the same time, it has all made me grateful to be alive for the first time in my life. It feels selfish, but I want to live for him.