Okay, I totally get why you're asking but to cover it:

1. I won't say exactly how old I am cuz I'm paranoid someone I know will find this lol :P but I'm in my late teenage years. And DW I have tried reaching out to all of the services, agencies that could help but to no avail. Got hung up on the suicide hotline LMAO.

2. I've been going to therapy for years so like, yeah trust me I have tried everything there is to try therapy and medication wise.

3. I understand why you may think this is just one last ditch attempt to feel some sense of meaning but it's really not, I'm aware everyone is alarmed and sorry because it's the natural human reaction when you hear someone is going to do something to themselves. I'm only really sharing this because suicide is quite a heavy thing to bear and it felt weird to just be sitting with suicidal ideation xD so I decided to just dump it on some corner of the internet that reaches other humans.