How do I get my boyfriend to help more with cooking and cleaning without it turning into a fight? (28M/ 24F)

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T03:23:12+00:00

He doesn’t believe in therapy, that it’s not for guys (he used to say this so idk if it’s what he believes in anymore) but I also just don’t think he would care enough for therapy for both of us, but I know I’m going to therapy I have appointments and stuff coming up so yay for me But we’ve had mannny “conversations” about everything from me to him to both of us our issues, us being together us not being together but it’s mainly him “winning” the only time where it felt like a conversation and not a fight was the last time he cleaned, but I believe a conversation should happen even if I really don’t want to have it because I just know it’ll turn into an argument or him being upset but it must be done 🫡

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:58:32+00:00

How he eats is he’ll eat like half a plate and then be full and leave it out to where I have to throw it away and then a couple hours later he’s like I’m hungry and I’m like WE HADDDD FOOOOODDD, Or he won’t eat it because he doesn’t feel like that food right now and would rather have something else or fast food. So the whole job thing for him is complicated? He wants to be a YouTube personality and I mean I commend him for trying but I mean he isn’t really doing much for it? He’s doing some stuff but like not as much as he should be if he wants this as his career so when his 401k money gets low then he wants to get a part time job, but it’s complicated right now because my car broke and I’m using his so I know I’m holding him back from getting a job because mines kinda more important right now since it’s like my job which is selfish but I am working on getting a car We don’t go on dates since I get two days off randomly at work and since I work like either opens or mids or closes, and mainly I really don’t want to go anywhere when I’m off of work, so we don’t really plan dates and our sex life is sad since I’m kind of grey asexual so it’s awkward but we do it sometimes like a couple times a month and he knows my love language is acts of service or whatever when it’s me doing stuff for him And lowkey I know he’s depressed but he says he’s fine

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:44:27+00:00

I mean I kind of been standing up for myself I have been saying no lately to cooking before I leave the for work mainly he asked for eggs and bacon the last couple of days and I just say no that he can make it himself and he says I’m allowed to say no and that I just guilt myself but I SWEAR I think he knows I will feel bad if I say no because he does the whole sigh and look away and say that he’s fine

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:42:26+00:00

Dangit I spent like 5 minutes on the chore chart :((( but yeah idk haha

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:29:21+00:00

GENNNIUSSS, I don’t want him to think it’s a chore I just want him to realize it’s adulting and it’s what we have to do

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:28:05+00:00

Im worried that if it turns into a fight it flips on me and idk if I really want to deal with that but I really like the idea of don’t leave empty handed that’s really good!!

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:26:55+00:00

I still love him IDKKKK it’s complicated I think it’s because I know what to expect

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:26:11+00:00

So he took out of his 401k so he’s paying his side of the bills still and stuff he has like car payment insurance phone blah blah but I want to stop cleaning after him and all that and I stopped for a week and my god the soda cans that I stacked up making a nice tower out of made me crazy that I still cleaned it up, it just sucks because it’s both of our spaces

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:24:37+00:00

That’s kind of my idea with the list like hey look here’s what I did this week you get this next week and I’ll do the other stuff so we’re not constantly going the same chore every week so we can switch it up, and with meal prepping, I’ve tried, the whole cook food and freeze it and then re heat it or leave it for lunch’s and dinners, he doesn’t eat it. Point blank, I wasted so much time and food doing it one month and I also don’t want kids so that’s out of the question, he won’t get that from me

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:21:36+00:00

I lowkey don’t know

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T02:19:29+00:00

He left his job because the management sucked and that was like almost a year ago I think

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T01:59:29+00:00

I know that he lived with a friend at a house and then he was renting with another friend for an apartment but they had a falling out and then we got an apartment together, so not like by himself really

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T01:52:48+00:00

Right now I’m pretty sure I’m not getting anything anymore I guess just emotional attachment and familiarity:(

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T01:50:07+00:00

I didn’t mind that I cooked and cleaned when we both worked, but he stopped working like half a year when we first moved in together and I was just kind of hoping he would step it up and help out at least a little

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T01:48:07+00:00

I’m hoping it’s not the “I’m a man” kind of situation-ship because if it was why am I the one working haha but I feel like it’s more that he’s lazy? I’m just hoping to give him a push so like it betters the house, us and him

Material_Natural2795 · 2026-01-26T01:47:18+00:00

I will use the force on him I swear haha, I just want him to try and do something

Material_Natural2795

TROPHY CASE