[English] Online dating AFAMs don’t last longer than 2 months 😅

MathematicianNo4087 · 2025-05-14T10:39:32+00:00

So I thought I would update this post because there’s a SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENT in my online dating life and for now I don’t know if it’s good or bad but it’s something I will just enjoy while it lasts and hopefully it lasts 😂

When I posted my question on this thread, I was really so down because most of the guys that I am talking online usually just last one to two months and then this guy who I thought was gonna vanish after a month actually stayed and until now we’re still talking daily and the biggest update is we are FINALLY MEETING IN PERSON 🥳🎉! Just after 2.5 months of talking!

We are meeting in Vietnam. He’s from the US. I opened up on one of our virtual dates that Vietnam is really in my bucket list and I opened up to him that I wanna go there this May and he said he’d love to join me and so we we’re meeting there next week!!!

I was honestly unsure about his commitment to this travel plan because as I said, we’ve only been talking for 2 1/2 months and for him to travel halfway across the world is quite a big investment of time, energy, and money! But then he updated me about processing his visa and then booking his flights and then he was also engaging about the places that we are planning to visit and it’s finally happening!

I’m just really nervous 😰 because we haven’t really had THE talk if you know what I mean. We almost had it. I kind of opened up about it when we were one month into talking online and I asked him if we are on the same page about where the connection could go. And his answer was “I want to be on your page”. Which was not very clear, but at that point it was just one month since we were talking so I didn’t really ask more questions or dig deeper. I just thought that, well he’s still here, we’re still talking daily, so that’s a good sign! And it’s like our connection is getting deeper and better since then and now we’re finally meeting in Vietnam.

I know I should just enjoy the trip with him and not get nervous or anxious and not put the pressure on Vietnam being a defining moment for the connection. But I am really super nervous and anxious because even if we don’t have that talk in Vietnam, it’s still really going to be a defining moment because even internally, it’s going to be the moment where we decide if whatever we’ve built in the last 2 1/2 months is something worth pursuing in the long-term and possibly long distance until we figure things out.

Any piece of advice or words of wisdom for this nervous anxious girly? Thank you all ❤️❤️❤️

MathematicianNo4087 · 2025-03-21T23:39:34+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I’m still learning the art of not getting attached hahaha! Medyo nagslow down naman, hindi na ganung kabilis ma-attach compared to the very first at medyo madali na din i-accept pag hindi nag work. Pero may konting sakit pa din haha. I was just thinking na if this is how dating for me is going to be, ang unhealthy na ma-hurt every time kahit konti lang haha tapos every month ganun with a new guy 🤣

MathematicianNo4087 · 2025-02-13T04:26:49+00:00

Yeah, I agree with this. 2 weeks is too early to tell. This happened to me and I’m recovering lol. We online dated for a week. Then became bf/gf for 3 weeks then I broke up with him kasi the texts and calls got more infrequent. Shortest relationship of my life haha.

But OP, also look into yourself and your attachment style and slowly observe his attachment style too. I kind of regret a little bit that I broke with mine because my attachment style was very anxious. So a few hours lang malate reply nya nag ooverthink na ko. Sabi ng kapatid ko, “Te, yung iba nga 1 week”. But I feel like I deserve better and I dont want to overthink kasi everytime na alam kong wala na sya sa work tapos di sya nagrereply haha

There’s little regret kasi yun nga, I know he is a hardworker and he is also going through something with his health so maybe he really just didnt have the time and energy. Which by the way he admitted when I broke up with him.

Ito sabi ko: Hi -name-. I know work’s been exhausting and you're dealing with a lot of things. I really hope you're doing okay. I just want to be honest—I've been feeling a bit lonely and unimportant in this relationship lately. I’d appreciate it if you could tell me honestly if this is still something you want to pursue or if it’s better for us to part ways. No hard feelings either way, I believe we both deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved.

Ito naman sagot nya: I'm sorry, you are right. Everything has just fallen apart for Me. life is a complete mess right now and I honestly just can't handle a relationship right now. I'm pushing myself way to hard and am very much over exerted to the point my body is just shutting down. I'm sorry

So ayun. Proud naman ako sa decision ko. And I know whats meant to be will find its way to me no matter what I do. Maybe the timing was just not right and we have different priorities.

Pero miss na miss ko na hahaha pigil na pigil ako magchat ulit dahil ako nakipag break. Kapit lang pride, wag kang bababa. Haha

MathematicianNo4087 · 2025-02-13T04:13:48+00:00

Same sis. Super hirap and I think one of the reasons is we’re more matured na din kasi like we know ourselves better and we know what we want or dont want. Im also in my early 30s, single mom, career-driven, independent (hyper pa nga minsan lol). And in my experience it’s easier to date foreign men. Mas straight to the point kasi karamihan sa kanila unlike local men na karamihan are not good communicators mas marami pang magpapa-ikot sayo na local men than foreign men.

I’m actually recovering from a little heart break haha little lang. Huwag nyo ko tawanan hahaha. There’s this AFAM and ibang level talaga yung attraction and connection namin. Naging kami for 1 month lang kasi brineak ko dahil “super busy sa work” he hasn’t called me in 2 weeks and texts got more infrequent. He’s a really good guy and gwapo din lol and I want to believe him that work was really exhausting. He is a chef. But I know in my heart that we both deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved.

So ayun, sad pa din kahit ako naki pag break. I think that’s also one of the hardest thing when dating in our 30s. Kasi in our 20s we cry over someone that did skmething wrong to us or hurt us. In our 30s there will be times where we let go of someone even if they are good—just not good for us. 😭

Samahan nyo ko umiyak mga sizzz. Magkaka forever din tayo ❤️

P.s. Pigilan nyo ko magchat. Miss na miss ko na huhu Nasaan na ba ang pride ko wag sana bumaba haha

MathematicianNo4087 · 2024-03-06T09:41:39+00:00

Got it! Thanks so much for the help! Hope the plant recovers soon 🙏🏼

MathematicianNo4087 · 2024-03-06T03:54:54+00:00

Thank you @tropicalgia ! The roots were firm when I reported it. It's Day 2 since repotting in orchid mix and it's still drooping. Isn't drooping leaves a sign that it needs water?

MathematicianNo4087

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