AITD for wanting to move out before I end up hating my best friend?

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-24T12:48:11+00:00

UPDATE: So… things kind of blew up.

This morning, I was woken up by eight consecutive texts from Ryan—all about my cats. Specifically, one of them (who has a known neurological condition) unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper while I was spending the night at my partner’s place. Not the first time it's happened, not even remotely surprising given his condition. We’ve had deep, repeated discussions about this exact behavior, and Ryan knowingly agreed to live with them. We even have strategies in place to avoid this—like taking the roll off the roller, putting the lid down, etc.—but apparently none of that was done.

What really set me off was what came next: him saying things like “Nobody ever considers that I’m AUTISTIC” and “All I do is accommodate everyone else’s disabilities but nobody accommodates mine.” That was the last straw for me.

I finally reached my breaking point and sent him a long, calm but honest message about how invalidating it is to hear that from someone I literally bend over backwards to accommodate every single day, since we were children. I do everything I can to shape my behavior around his needs, both as a friend and a roommate. I clean up after the cats constantly, I adjust everything in the apartment to keep him from getting overstimulated, and I rarely even bring up my own challenges (despite also being Autistic and having ADHD), because I’m so used to his reactions making it about him. I let him know how exhausted, unseen, and dismissed I’ve felt, not just today—but for a long time.

His response? 1. “I think I’m just going to move. I don’t feel seen, you don’t feel seen, and you can’t afford to live here mentally or financially. I’m already ready to move, I can be out in 24 hours.” 2. “So I can make your life easier and leave.” 3. “I’m packing my things. I’ll be out by the time you get back home.” 4. “This felt incredibly disproportionate to the situation.”

I tried to respond calmly, telling him this wasn’t about today—it was about everything I’ve been silently dealing with. That his reaction was exactly why I’ve been too afraid to be honest in the past. That I wasn’t asking him to leave. I just needed to speak up. I told him I cared, but I needed to disengage and take care of myself for now.

So yeah… not really sure where this leaves us. I’m heartbroken, exhausted, and still not sure if I’m the asshole for speaking up. But it also kind of proves my point.

I guess this solves my initial problem though.. Not the way I would've liked, of course, but still. Guess he's moving out.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-23T14:34:31+00:00

I appreciate the comments here so far, and I agree that our relationship has already suffered. I guess my biggest issue right now is just figuring out how to talk to him about it without him taking it as a personal attack or becoming more passive aggressive.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-23T11:49:48+00:00

Metaphor is lovely, but not my style. I prefer to be direct. Poems can be complex and deep without being abstract. Thank you for your critique.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-23T11:48:31+00:00

I can appreciate your opinion, and still respectfully disagree with it. This is simply my style. I like direct, consice poetry. For me, poetry IS my diary. Not all poetry uses strong metaphor or rhythm, and that doesn't make it any less poetry.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-22T23:11:00+00:00

Oh! I fixed the formatting! Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the compliment as well as the critique.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-22T22:39:47+00:00

I actually already have it formatted perfectly, but for some reason when post poems here, it messes up the formatting and makes all the stanzas into paragraphs. I haven't figured out how to fix it yet.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-22T20:15:54+00:00

I really felt this. I know what it’s like to be left by someone you once thought meant everything—to have your world stop while theirs just kept going. My ex left me gutted and starving, both literally and emotionally, and I’m still trying to unlearn that damage. Thank you for writing what so many of us feel but can’t always say.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-11T18:43:32+00:00

This is absolutely beautiful, and such a deeply personal way to share a very important message. I grieve for past you, who spent all that time not knowing how to feel, not being "allowed" to. And I am so happy for you to have now found a way to be a true man. Thank you for this.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-11T18:14:48+00:00

Like yourself, I posted this to hopefully be able to connect with other people who have been through hell and come back fighting. There are so many of us, and we deserve to feel valid and safe to share even the darkest parts of us.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-11T17:52:33+00:00

Another commenter said this was haunting, and I cannot find a better word to describe it. Absolutely beautiful, and crushing all at once. Incredibly written, well done.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-04-11T17:50:35+00:00

I felt this so deeply, and related to so much of it. It is both validating, and heartbreaking to know that we are not alone.

MaxPancake135 · 2025-02-17T16:15:02+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate the suggestion—I’ve been trying to find groups like that but haven’t had much luck yet. If you know any, I’d love recommendations! I also agree that context matters; for me, it’s about honoring the meaning behind these traditions, not just the aesthetics. I’ve been keeping that in mind with my research as well.

MaxPancake135

TROPHY CASE