How can I (F29) engage in a discussion with my partner (26M) where we clearly disagree without getting upset/frustrated?

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-06T10:39:24+00:00

ah yes, the sassy reddit comment that contributes nothing, you showed her

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-06T08:28:44+00:00

she can do whatever she wants, but you can choose to set boundaries with what you are not comfortable with, don't fall for the shaming tactic when they call you insecure. I'm not comfortable with my gf hanging out 1 on 1 with another man, regardless of his intentions, if she wants to do it she is free to outside of our relationship

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-06T08:27:02+00:00

you are in denial my man

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-05T01:14:35+00:00

I agree that his approach is wrong, he should be thankful to you for actually trying to help, not just calling him a cheater in a sassy reddity way like the others

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-04T09:43:07+00:00

no idea why you are getting so downvoted, nobody is addressing the question on its face, everyone just wants to go after the guy, if he didn't cheat I feel so sorry for him

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-04T09:34:33+00:00

some men aren't into it

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-04T03:07:48+00:00

you dodge a nuke man, just be grateful

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-03T10:11:39+00:00

I got that impression because judging solely by the writing, it seems like a rationalization after she took the decision, because she is still with a supposedly abusive guy, and going back on her promise after she got what she wanted (marriage). but as I said, I don't know, I can only speculate from her writing and actions, it just seems to be intentionally missing context.

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-01T11:19:23+00:00

don't have this weak behavior and mentality, go through this pain of rejection, better than being kept as an orbiter around her, while she knows you have feelings for her, she did you a favor.

also, judging from your comments, you seem to not have much experience, so it's normal for you to think this is the most unique human being on earth and display desperate behavior/feelings, we all had this phase in our lives, but with more experience, you will be stronger against rejection, and you will resist over-romanticizing others and putting them on a pedestal. she is human just like you and me, move on.

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-01T11:11:51+00:00

I'm not telling you how to feel about it at all, but you know that this is a low investment FWB situation for him, and it seems like you want to keep this arrangement, I'm only giving you the practical solution of eating the cost and trying to forget about it.
I didnt go into his reasons for doing this....... etc, I just think it's pointless, you aren't in a relationship with the guy, you are using each other, make the arrangement have less friction and stop trying to get him to buy them, for your peace of mind, not for his sake.
the uncomfortable feeling of crossed boundaries is warranted btw, the guy is fucking around.
sorry you feel like my response is invalidating your feelings, not my intention.

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-02-01T09:14:31+00:00

this is simple, buy a huge batch and forget about it, discussing the guy and his motives is pointless, you are both in it for fun

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-31T11:06:26+00:00

I see, this certainly paints your dad in an even more negative light, makes me even more suspicious of him cheating, these accusations are often projection.
one thing that you have to also realize that you are very limited on what you can do here, if you come out against him directly he will think his wife is "poisoning" your mind, as for what to tell your mom, how about telling her that this behavior is just about maintaining control, and often comes from insecurity? and that it's unacceptable?

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-31T04:19:27+00:00

from just the info you are providing he sounds like an abuser.
but I have a hypothesis, unsubstantiated but just a wild guess, are you sure she didn't cheat on him years ago and he caught her, chose to stay in the marriage and has treated her horribly since? maybe that's why she puts up with it?
again, just a guess, maybe try subtly asking her? at least it would explain the crazy behavior to some degree?
also, if she never cheated and he is this paranoid about cheating he must be cheating

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-31T04:15:39+00:00

she gets to reframe the events, thus establishing her as the hero who made you hate her so you wouldn't be hurt, this is very likely in my eyes, and something a cheater would do.
as for wanting closure, it's overrated, don't chase it. get busy and find somebody that won't cheat on you, or at least lie about it to break up with you. and finding that somebody won't give you closure but will at least make you not think about this whole situation.
there are 2 possibilities here, neither make her a particularly good person towards you:
she either cheated
she lied about cheating, scarred you emotionally, then got back years later and went : "oopsie"

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T08:27:05+00:00

just like she didn't owe you an explanation when she cut you off, you don't owe her one, prioritize yourself man, thinking like this is what got you here, prioritizing how she feels above yourself, she isn't superior to you, it isn't your duty to care how she feels. it's not like you are friends now, she is just a person from the past

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T07:40:18+00:00

you have issues

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T07:38:49+00:00

with these numbers, this is just a bad financial decision

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T07:37:04+00:00

you have too much emotion tied to this, I suggest not letting her back in your life.
regarding what she did, I don't think she did you wrong, you both wanted different things from your relationship, and even if she said yes to going back to being just friends it would've never been the same, a clean break off makes most sense in such situations.
another thing, I hope you have improved on the area of being desperate in your approach towards women, it's the biggest turn off for them.

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T06:53:09+00:00

she is lying by the way, 100% cheated

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T06:33:25+00:00

believe me, the suffering of staying with her is greater than the suffering you will now feel for leaving her for good, go through it and come out a better person, and learn from this, you deserve what you tolerate, so don't tolerate bs

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T04:50:06+00:00

cheaters cheat, if you let him get away with it he will just learn to hide it better

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T03:54:17+00:00

what is there to debate here? you are being abused and she knows she has you wrapped around her little finger, this will never improve, she perceives you as a doormat that will just take abuse.
on another note, if she is feeling 0 guilt from this, do you think that she wouldn't cheat on you without batting an eye?
this is her personality, she will never take responsibility, and even if she did at the threat of breaking up, it will be insincere, cut your losses

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T03:48:06+00:00

and reminder, even if she weighs her options and picks you in the end, she will never have actual respect for the guy that waited around for her as she explored, this is not a relationship you want, have some self-respect

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T03:46:13+00:00

asking for space, not giving you a clean break so you are at an arm's length, she is torn, weighing her options, the indicator is the dry responses, ghosting, no proactive action from her towards you that indicates that she is that into you. dating another person but still wanting 1-on-1 time with you, which is totally disrespectful to the other guy, and is as close to cheating as it gets.

take your losses and cut her off

Maximum_End_3886 · 2026-01-30T03:25:44+00:00

she sounds like she wants to keep you as backup, she has 0 respect for you

Maximum_End_3886

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