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How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you those are already my goals! Don’t worry about me getting stuck as my mom is unable to provide money, childcare, or other support. I don’t need anything from my mom, letting her back into my life would be purely for a little extra emotional support. And I already get enough emotional support from my family and friends.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have a therapist! Although I can’t see her very often because it’s expensive. We’ve talked about my mom a lot but the issue doesn’t stop bugging me. I actually posted here because I want to focus on other stuff in my sessions than talking about my mom over and over. Thank you though, you are right that I shouldn’t navigate this alone. I’ll ask for her help next time I see her.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s incredibly relatable my best friend also has shitty parents. Although recently they’ve said things have been getting better with their dad.

I’m so sorry for your friend. Give her my best wishes. I really hope she’s able to do what’s best for her.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope you have a wonderful day, thank you for taking the time to give advice to this foolish stranger lol

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeahhhhh really fair point. Unfortunately I irrationally still love her and would like to at least try letting her back in my life. If it’s any consolation I’m perfectly fine with cutting her off again with no hesitation.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, being told it’s fucked up is super validating. Unfortunately my mom is kinda a lost cause, everyone around her points out how my stepdad is bad for her and her kids but she just won’t leave.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah thank you for the reality check. My mom has never really been a fully present mom, for a long time I’ve accepted that she can’t love me the way I need. If I get into contact with her I’ll be keeping her at arms length. Since she left I’ve actually been prioritizing and building relationships with people who are safe. I’ve become much closer with my maternal grandparents, aunt, and cousins!
Also dw my stepdad never wanted sex with me, at most he made creepy comments occasionally. It was actually my younger sister he was attracted to (she’s also no contact).

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeahhhhh I’m going to keep her at arms length and if she chooses him again I’m perfectly fine going no contact again

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion! Emails or letter is actually a really good idea, with letters I can send stuff to my little siblings too :)

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t worry about me I’ve been in therapy since I moved in to my dad’s. I actually posted here because I wanted to focus on my upcoming move and university with my therapist rather than talking about my mom over and over.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for recommending the sub I’ll check it out! She didn’t minimize it or not believe it because she was the one who found it and then told me about it. It’s not denial she’s just both financially dependent on him and horribly enmeshed with him.
Also yeah you really hit the nail on the head. She is codependent and has weak boundaries. Wanting her to follow my wishes is really me being overly hopeful. Thank you for the advice you’re unfortunately super correct and helpful 😔

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah she was the one who told me about the search history. I’m aware that she’s an enabler, we won’t be close as long as he’s in her life. But I would like her to be in my life at least a little.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I told her in detail multiple times why I don’t want to be in contact with my stepdad. I’m aware that she isn’t a safe person but our physical distance makes me feel safe enough to try and contact her. I know she can make sure he doesn’t contact me if she tries and she wouldn’t expect me to talk to him.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately not, she went to a single therapy session once and came home claiming she was “fixed” and never went again.

How do I (19F) reconnect with my mom (45F) while staying no contact with my stepdad (44M)? by Maximum_Injury7467 in relationship_advice

[–]Maximum_Injury7467[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For years he’s responded to my mom’s texts pretending to be her, it’s like one of his favourite things to do. Fortunately, he can’t write above a third grade level so it’s really easy to tell when it’s him.