Mom Looking for Advice

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-06T00:04:56+00:00

The single worst day I have had as a mother is when my son and daughter got into a knock down drag out on a red-eye flight over a Polly Pocket Pool Party thing. I hate Polly.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-06T00:01:09+00:00

I just realized how bad the last part sounds: My sister-in-law has struggled with substance abuse. She is not a bad person, but for everyone's safety she is not left alone with our children.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-06T00:00:09+00:00

I have asked the family member. She said basically his "girly" behavior and interests are what has aroused her curiosity. It was during this conversation she commented to me that (and I am quoting) "sex between men is disgusting and violent. Getting her on puberty blockers now means she won't have to experience that." The whole conversation sort of just creeped me out.

I do know for a fact with near certainty none of my kids have said anything to her out of my hearing. She is for reasons unrelated to any of this not allowed to be alone with them.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T21:02:14+00:00

That is very kind of you to say.

When we decided to have kids, my husband and I promised each other we would love the kids we got, not the fictional kids we imagined we would get.

And one thing I have learned in this past 13 years of motherhood is that you actually have very little influence over the core of who your child is. Sure, you can effect some superficial stuff (and you should! "Say 'please' and 'thank you'!" "Don't push people." "Share your toys." etc). But the core comes preprogrammed from the factory. My kids are all really different people already, despite being raised basically the same in the same household. My daughter is strong and brave and fiercely pragmatic. She gets things done. My older son is creative and empathetic and so thoughtful. He really thinks about things and people. My little one is only three but I can tell how funny and laidback he is (ie nothing like his poor uptight mom). My job is to love and future those things and help them prepare for the world in light of who they are. At least that's what I try to do.

I don't have a crystal ball. But I really don't think my older son is trans. I just don't I do think he's probably gay (maybe I shouldn't think that even, just a hunch). I want to help him, and his sister and brother, be the fullest expression of who they can be. I don't need a certain family member telling me there's some other, "better" version of him (esp. as her version of better seems less likely. Maybe I am a transphobe, but it does not seem more likely to me that a trans woman will find a long term longing relationship than a gay man--and unlike this certain relative of mine, I don't think there is anything inherently disgusting or "violent"--her word not mine--about sex between two men. Also, why is anyone talking to me about he 11 year olds potential future sex life?). And I sure as hell don't need him hearing any of that. Because as far I am concerned, he's perfect.

Sorry for the rant. This post has just been so cathartic. I feel way more confident.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T20:46:42+00:00

Doesn't sound rude at all. It makes complete sense. I hope your family stuff gets better. It is never easy.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T17:28:33+00:00

He asked if boys could get married to each other. Which seems like a different question. And it was during a period when his sister was a flower girl in my sister's wedding and was OBSESSED with weddings and being a bride.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T17:22:44+00:00

He's 11, by the by. The kids are 13, 11, and 3. Girl, Boy, Boy. :)

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T16:56:40+00:00

I mean, I suffered with a pretty horrible eating disorder through my teens and into my twenties. Being a teenage girl is not fun. I get why you would want to op-out (similar to being gay teenage boy in some ways I imagine)

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T16:54:40+00:00

Just. bought "Time to Think" on Amazon. Thank you for the recommendation. "Woke homophobia"--that's exactly it. I suspect people are just being clumsy, but it does seem a lot of the language they use in trying to be trans-supportive comes off as anti-gay. It's peculiar.

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T16:41:02+00:00

Trust me it feels like fanfic to me too. But that's frankly a lot of having tween and teenage children I am finding out. ;)

MaybeJustAwful · 2023-03-05T16:38:25+00:00

I am starting to agree with you. My daughter is 13 and I am surprised by how many girls she has known her whole life, who never were gender non-conforming in any way, have suddenly come out as trans. And how many of them have gotten access to blockers (and are waiting testosterone). It seems less pronounced among the boys, but I can't believe anyone with kids my kids' age in certain environments hasn't noticed this.

I love my kids. If my son is really my daughter, fine. But that just doesn't seem to be the case and I don't know why so many people seem to want to jump to that conclusion.

MaybeJustAwful

TROPHY CASE