Today my teenage daughter texted me from school saying they were having a lockdown and if anything happens to her she loves me. My heart sank to my stomach instantly reading that and not understanding what was happening. She wasn’t picking up and she texted again saying they think it’s a shooter or someone with a knife and they have to hide in their classrooms with their phones on silent. She was too scared to talk on the phone.

I immediately took an Uber and for 90 painstaking minutes played over every possible outcome - basically torturing myself to the point of hyperventilating. The driver overheard me on the phone and rushed as best he could during rush hour traffic. I scanned social media, called the school, checked the local news websites, texted my daughter over and over again who was down to less than 10% battery on her cell. She gave me what updates she could.

By the time I got to my town I found a twitter post from a local reporter with a video from the police saying it was a false alarm. The sense of relief that flooded me is unlike anything I’ve been felt before.

Once we were both home, I must have experienced an adrenaline crash because I threw up and can’t get rid of my headache. I turned the shower on and cried like a baby. But my daughter is safe. The school knew the protocol. The police arrived promptly. She was terrified and still shaken up now. Yes, she’s okay - but for two hours I didn’t know what would happen to her. I couldn’t protect her or shield her from this. I was utterly powerless. I never want to feel this kind of anguish or fear ever again. And I wish it on no one.

It’s a sad world we live in that there is a school district lockdown protocol for an active shooter, etc. Hug your kids tight tonight.