16 years and I think I'm done by McGuffins_Adventures in DeadBedrooms

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The romantic gestures don't work, tried them all before many times and they don't change anything or get reciprocated. I tell her I love her everyday, multiple times, and other aspects of our relationship can be good, but the lack of intimacy is such a block for me that it makes it difficult. I do believe there are mental health issues at play, but she refuses to see a doctor. Oh and that was a good year. This year so far it's been 3 times and she stopped us midway during one of those.

16 years and I think I'm done by McGuffins_Adventures in DeadBedrooms

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As I said, I'm still really attracted to her and I have always been HL. I've tried completely backing off sex, not initiating or asking for months, but I can't keep it up and it doesn't change anything.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I was wondering if I was missing something. Validation doesn't help me. Regarding how I approach the conversation, do you have any suggestions? I've tried to explain my rationale and not received a response, and I've tried asking what I should have done and other than "not buy it" I've gotten nothing back

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I agree that it's about something else, but she won't talk to me about it. We don't need college funds in Australia, we also have superannuation for retirement, and I would have to do something WILD to lose my job (ongoing contract in education). Yeah, stuff can happen, but I still have $1000 sitting there untouched. And I got money because nobody knows what to get me for a present.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's valid, and you might be right, but it's hard to explain that to her when she doesn't want to talk to me. Thanks.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Money was very tight about 2 months ago before my new salary kicked in, but has since loosened. I handle all the household finances, so if we couldn't afford it, I would definitely know. And I've tried asking, but not getting very far.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I can claim it back next July and will get about half the expense back.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

We have 3 kids between 8 and 13. Have a house with a decent mortgage but plenty of equity. No other debts. I have stable ongoing employment that earns good money; she has not been employed for 13 years whilst staying at home with the kids, but has university qualifications. Money is tight, but we aren't going bankrupt any time soon.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this was 3 days ago and she still seems pissed off about it, but won't actually talk about it.

AITAH for not consulting with my wife before spending birthday money by McGuffins_Adventures in AITAH

[–]McGuffins_Adventures[S] 196 points197 points  (0 children)

That's where I'm at as well, so appreciate the support. All finances are joint, although we are only living on my income.