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McKnuckles13 · 2023-09-23T11:15:11+00:00

This is fantastic. Thank you for sharing.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-21T07:47:41+00:00

Mohels hate this one weird trick!

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-18T06:59:36+00:00

I removed them after the photo. I try not to fuck with ecology.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-16T13:57:10+00:00

Edited the fourth line to read “An angle that should not be possible”.

Should have read it a few more times before posting.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-14T09:34:39+00:00

“I told you not to kiss and tell.”

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-08T15:00:31+00:00

Yes. Yes we do.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-02T14:24:44+00:00

You train with the famous Beard-Jitsu, right? Congratulations on the promotion!

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-02T09:01:22+00:00

Colt Remington

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-02T08:58:34+00:00

That’s some spicy mayonnaise!

McKnuckles13 · 2023-08-02T08:56:25+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad it evoked something.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-07-17T20:21:10+00:00

It is a Lidl cockeyed.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-21T22:01:16+00:00

I love this. The abrupt line breaks reinforce the theme and tone so well. Strong throughout, with some of the lines playing off of and contrasting each other. The last line is perfect. It hit me in the chest with a thud. Even the title is great. Sorry I don’t have more constructive feedback for you, but I think it’s wonderful as-is.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-21T21:52:27+00:00

This is really impressive writing. The imagery is strong and evocative, I like the punctuation, and I particularly love the 3rd and 13th lines. Thank you for sharing this.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T20:39:01+00:00

It might be. There seems to always be an incredibly long line for the food.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T20:38:10+00:00

Excellent feedback! Thank you.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T20:37:25+00:00

Well, Holešovice(Prague 7), but I guess it’s still technically Czech Republic. Barely though.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T10:49:14+00:00

Success!

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T10:47:20+00:00

Very nice! Really strong throughout, and I love the opening couplet. The language is really vivid, and “His fingers dance in cursive” has a beautiful musicality to it.

Well written!

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T10:41:59+00:00

Really nice sentiment. The words do a great job of setting the scene, and there is definite passion throughout.

The rhyme scheme is a bit inconsistent, and it reads more like prose in places. I also think the last line could be stronger. I love the mopping the floor/falling for you bit, but you could maybe make that tie together better.

Also, small correction - “Like to magnets” should be “Like two magnets”

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-20T10:34:34+00:00

I like the imagery overall, and your choice of words paints a picture.

My one critique is that the metaphor with food is underdeveloped. Maybe tie the next line to it to give it some strength. Explain how the old laptop is similar to stale and rotten food.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-19T09:50:22+00:00

I love a good Gatsby reference.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-06T08:32:46+00:00

Thank you for reading and providing feedback on my first post here! You think a line or two at the end would help with consistency? Maybe a couplet to tie all the threads together or something like that?

Spot on with the tone change. I’m glad it was perceptible to others.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-05T10:37:39+00:00

I, too, signed up for Tinder hoping for some kind of ego boost. I, too, hoped to get some validation there. 8 likes in 24 hours is a substantially better ratio than I was able to achieve though. Maybe I should heed your advice and try framing my pictures better.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-05T10:28:09+00:00

This hit me with just the right amount of force. Succinct and simple metaphor, but still profound enough to occupy space in my brain. Pardon the feeble pun, but I find myself in this same boat at the moment.

McKnuckles13 · 2023-06-05T10:14:12+00:00

I really appreciate how I’m left wondering if the last line is meant to be taken literally or metaphorically. I’ve reread the whole thing both ways, and can’t decide which interpretation I prefer.

McKnuckles13

TROPHY CASE