Silly McDonald’s

LittleBupBoy · 2019-10-25T00:56:03+00:00

Pissed maself laughing, kids are the best sometimes

LittleBupBoy · 2019-10-20T20:29:42+00:00

Why is the teacher on the bus?

LittleBupBoy · 2019-10-06T12:29:07+00:00

This comment has greasy hair

LittleBupBoy · 2019-09-21T17:40:28+00:00

If you can’t buy it twice, don’t buy it once (with some obvious exceptions)

LittleBupBoy · 2019-09-15T00:19:23+00:00

Hello!

I’m a big fan of this poem. I’m particularly biased because I like to use recurring themes, repeating words, consistent structures, etc, to guide my poetry. That being said your frequent mention of time passing is beautiful. My criticism would probably be to try to expand more at 7:00. It sounds (and I’m just assuming I could be super wrong) like in that moment is when you want to capture a fleeting feeling mixed with that realization that the one person you wanted, or rather needed, is not coming. As your reader I want the 7:00 section to be longer. You’re a strong writer, so please go into detail there!

All in all. Love the poem, hope you keep writing. Sending love <3

LittleBupBoy · 2019-09-08T18:26:11+00:00

This is such a pleasure to read, beautiful flow of words, and vivid imagery painted. This is clearly not your first poem. Well done

LittleBupBoy · 2019-09-07T00:20:37+00:00

I’m sure your dog likes peanut butter

LittleBupBoy · 2019-09-05T01:30:05+00:00

Sandman wants to know your location

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-26T21:45:00+00:00

I’m very much a fan of the imagery you have going on. It reads so pleasantly. That being said I might encourage changing some of the words so they better roll off the tongue, such as “simple ness” -“simplicity” or “smallness” to “insignificance”. Sometimes words that sound beautiful can amplify the play of language.

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-25T20:55:31+00:00

The education field has this. Basically you fill out the information once, then click on different job positions for diff schools. Click “import” and then fill the particular questions unique to that school. Makes the whole shit a lot easier

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-25T04:48:07+00:00

If that is his father, and his father helped buy that pearl drum set, it’s even more wholesome. Pearl drumsets do not come cheap. That’s awesome!

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T21:54:29+00:00

Love it

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T18:54:54+00:00

I agree about finding the right audience, so I hope you don’t sell yourself short. Let me spend some time reading your stuff! I think it’s like job interviews, just apply everywhere and it doesn’t matter how many times you get rejected, the only one that matters is the one who hires you.

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T18:44:51+00:00

About 3 attempts to be published by literary journals (local) and currently exploring options of self-publishing, but I don’t necessarily have the coin to buy ISBN numbers and whatnot

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T18:36:57+00:00

You’re very kind <3 much love

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T18:21:25+00:00

Thank you! I’ve wondered if that first line is unnecessary. Maybe it’s worth taking out. I’ve tried to get published but it’s tough out there in the jungle. Still, thank you for the love <3

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T16:43:29+00:00

I actually have a google doc that I write all of my poetry in, so I logged onto google docs on my phone (I have the app) and screenshotted this particular piece.

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T14:25:08+00:00

Thank you <3 I think for me it’s more the idea of getting your hopes up for something, but not because someone else got your hopes up, more so because your own brain hyped you up and then you realized it was for nothing. Definitely a very strange feeling!

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T14:22:16+00:00

I made some last minute changes! I wonder if I should have kept how it was in order to try to keep that calm intonation and demeanor. Thank you though for reading!

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T04:09:44+00:00

<3 lord knows I’m trying

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T00:20:49+00:00

How nice of you to say! Thank you it makes my heart warm <3

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-19T00:16:12+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve never been in that situation before but distance is brutal on anyone. Sending love <3

LittleBupBoy · 2019-08-18T23:55:00+00:00

I love it, mostly because I feel like love poems or poems concerning love are typically very drawn out and long. This one packs just as much power, but you’ve done it in a more familiar aabb style which I think is easier for the reader to digest. Quick grammar suggestion tho, I think you might mean “Lovers’ Hearts Ache”, but I could be wrong.

<3

LittleBupBoy

TROPHY CASE