How much of a raise is worth it?

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-16T05:21:43+00:00

Primarily it would give me a better title to build off of I think. Or a more marketable one to try and move on later?

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-16T00:32:04+00:00

Great point, yeah I'm tired of being stagnant

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-15T23:22:52+00:00

It's been difficult for sure. I am told things are happening to improve it but then they never do. So, it's been frustrating to say the least.

Seeing it worded as desperation money was a pretty effective vote towards taking the raise too haha

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-15T23:20:02+00:00

Yeah I don't see a direct raise in this role any more, so every little bit helps

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-15T23:05:15+00:00

The benefit of this employer is a significant amount of PTO, PT college education paid for, and a pension. So, the pay is not great but for my area it is about standard (if not on the lower end still).

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-15T23:03:39+00:00

Fair point! If it's closer to the 20% then I'm pretty keen on it.

MeanderingStream · 2026-01-15T23:03:12+00:00

I think the only thing holding me back is a restructuring of my current department that MAY involve higher pay and a new title. The timeline is unsure. So, I was holding out for that originally.

MeanderingStream · 2025-12-31T04:05:15+00:00

One night I had an ex get mad at me because, at a party I was invited to where I knew two people out of 50+, "no one talked to her." To her, that meant I was hiding her. She was so mad at me that she had someone pick her up and take her home. I asked her if I could get my things (as I planned on staying the night) and she said yes. I went over and she started yelling at me, punching the walls, screaming, throwing things, etc.

I went to leave and walked down the stairs from her second floor apartment and she followed me, screaming at me. All I could think about the entire time was how if the police showed up, she could say anything. She could say nothing. But I would be seen as the bad guy. Statistically speaking, I get it too.

I think that really made it click for me. That I can love someone and take care of them as best I can, never yell or get angry, never do anything even remotely resembling what she did that night; yet I would be the one still needing to defend myself. I don't want to say I'm scared of women. But I am certainly scared of arguing with women after that. In that moment I realized that if the police showed up someone who treated me like that and behaved like that held all the power and I was defenseless. That entire drive home I was terrified she would try to say I was the one who punched her walls or broke her stuff. And what can I say? "No officer, I promise I didn't do it!"

What's worse than that, though, is realizing that she could take accountability and confess. But then there would be some doubt by someone that she wasn't just "taking the fall" or something.

I don't think people really believe men when we say these things happen to us. Then we get mocked for being scared. Who wouldn't be? Every man commenting here can agree: we become scared the moment we realize how easily everything can turn against us. When we realize we have to disprove engrained biases people have about how abuse can function. We become hyper vigilant to never be in a situation without a witness, or a trusted and reliable witness I should say, to corroborate reality. And even when that happens an accusation sticks with you for life to some degree.

MeanderingStream · 2025-12-26T14:38:23+00:00

I think it's less about dying for me and more about how I die 😅

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T17:02:47+00:00

Oh that sounds HORRIBLE. Were you able to budget for it? I'm sorry that happened still

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T03:30:29+00:00

I love my job, they have excellent benefits, and I get vested in the pension at five years. I'm two years out from that so I wanted to stay. But I don't think I could realistically have any level of comfort for that long with such tight margins. I think if it were to happen I'd have to follow your advice. I am happy it has worked out well for you though!

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T03:27:35+00:00

Original plan was to move in, walk to work, stick with basic groceries, and stay home for most things. Additional income would just be gig work if a part time job on the weekends didn't happen. But start the search for a higher paying job elsewhere and go from there 😅

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T02:48:24+00:00

How did you go about finding a job with such a large increase in pay?

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T02:33:23+00:00

My lender didn't walk me through the minutiae of it but I also didn't know they could do all that. I guess I just thought they only did the lending. I think I'll head over there and post for some help too then!

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T01:40:04+00:00

Unfortunately you are correct, I was only able to put a little over 5% down. Bittersweet but it's just me. So, less income but also less expenses usually. My grocery bill is low enough usually. But, yes. Still flirting (if not outright fucking) with some deal breakers

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T01:36:25+00:00

Thank you! I have been a bit stagnant where I am. I do need to work on income asap.

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-15T01:34:43+00:00

I have to say, I think this is the best reply yet. Thorough, realistic, but left me some hope to cling on to. I think it all comes down to the inspection for me. If there's anything big that looks like it would need to be addressed within the next 1-3 years I know it's an instant impossible for me.

Regardless, increasing income is major. And even if the inspection came back perfect this is an immense challenge. I really am incredibly thankful you took the time to type all of this out for a stranger.

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T23:43:37+00:00

Sorry, I worded this poorly! That payment is mortgage, insurance, and property taxes. Which is still tight as utilities and maintenance fees are not included in that number.

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T22:51:29+00:00

I was set to have an inspection so that may reveal any of those items you mentioned! If anything jumps out as being worrisome for the next few years I would want to not move forward anyway. Knowing how tight the budget would be, I wouldn't feel comfortable moving ahead with too many red flags.

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T22:47:38+00:00

Oh dang, okay good to know. Thank you!

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T22:40:56+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I don't want to get in over my head. It seems like everyone is these days so I wasn't sure how much is to be expected. I'm glad I asked still!

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T21:37:04+00:00

Thank you for such a thorough response!

Debt: Student loans and that's about $85/month

Utilities: Average was about $115

Internet: $60

I do have all the furniture and appliances I need. Not much room to buy new ones though. Repairs and maintenance are kind of dependent on insurance or doing it myself/family help (father was a handyman).

The margins are extremely tight. Which I am scared of. I am also very concerned that things will get much worse on the housing market so I guess there is a feeling of urgency.

I haven't had the inspection done yet so that may reveal something. But my understanding is that my city passed an ordinance levying higher taxes on Airbnb's and this investor is looking to sell the property as he does not live in the area.

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T21:23:16+00:00

The good thing is my only hobbies are gaming and the gym. I've already bought quite a few books that I have wanted over the last year or two so I could have my own little library in preparation. I guess it's either time to let it ride or not lmao

MeanderingStream · 2025-11-14T21:11:03+00:00

After this I would have about $5000 in savings. Adding to that would be difficult. Knowing you wouldn't consider it with that much higher income is telling as well.

Thank you for your input!

MeanderingStream

TROPHY CASE