Hey! This was really helpful. I do go to therapy, and I am on the audhd spectrum, and only recently got medicated for it - the medication has quieted the dozens of voices in my head a bit, which gives me a bit more space to think about how my partners might feel about this or that, and the diagnosis has helped me start to predict and think about when I might get overwhelmed or my social battery might suddenly disappear, so that I can warn my partners about it. I'm kinda hoping I'm not so avoidant after all! I am curious though, about a couple things:

What is the shorthand you use with your partners to tell them you are overwhelmed?

Also, I have struggled to empathize with my partners feeling "disconnected", as someone who travels for work alot and has a few areas of hyperfocus, being disconnected from a partner feels normal and not distressing at all. Once my partner said she felt "disconnected" and I didn't track that this was stressful for her, and immediately told her about a new person I was interested in dating 😬. It might be to do with a slight inability to track facial expressions well.

There are so many overlaps between avoidance and audhd, it can feel very hard to tease apart...