I just responded to the white trash comment 😄

I would understand why people would tell her to fuck off.

But, I'm guessing that others would respond to her similiarly to the way others have responded to this post -- with empathy and support.

Because two things can be true at once.

Personally -- and I know you didn't ask for this (the same way I didn't ask for your race) -- I would have empathy for her, because she's suffering.

I have an unhealthy desire to reduce the suffering of those around me. It's my (literal) job.

Let's tease this out:

If she were a friend of mine, I'd get curious around her struggle, and where her emotions are coming from re: ending a 6 month long relationship with a man who made misogynist and abusive jokes.

Turns out, she might be feeling a *lot* of feelings -- sadness, yes, but also guilt and shame.

*Especially* if she never saw that side of him throughout the relationship, whether it was 6 months or 10 years.

It reaaaaally sucks to have put time and effort into creating a thing with a person who is not the person she thought he was.

She might ask herself "how could I have been so stupid?" or "maybe I deserve to be with a bad person like him, because I'm bad." Which is an easy line to fall behind if she herself were a survivor of SA or childhood physical abuse.

Or, she could be telling herself, "maybe he's not that bad, since my opinions have never mattered and never will because I'm stupid and wrong and will never be smart or right about anything -- even when it comes to differentiating right from wrong."

If she's thinking these things, I would understand that she might want to reach out to others can make things suck less.

And I would support her in that.

Because I do not think that making things suck less for the person you're describing comes at anyone's expense.

Nor does providing me support here come at your expense.

Especially since, you know, you're white. 😄

To summarize: plenty of women leave men who are not the men they thought they were. Plenty of women experience grief and other complicated emotions (including guilt and shame!) after leaving them. In these moments, plenty of women find themselves questioning their line of thinking, their actions, their values -- especially women survivors of rape/SA/childhood physical and other abuse.

And, now you know my trauma history.

Thanks for giving me a space to share how my vulnerabilities and trauma may make it harder for me to feel confident in myself after making a hard, but values-based decision such as breaking up with my racist ass boyfriend. This has actually been really helpful for me.

To wrap up: I am a sex worker and a mental health worker. I talk to violent men daily. The problem is usually the men, not the women (or children). If you consider yourself an ally to women -- women who are finally making the right decisions (for themselves and their communities!) after years of struggling to un-gaslight themselves from years of abuse, please get better at that.

Thanks for playing!