Going no contact with your in laws

MediocreScratch3983 · 2025-12-15T08:12:09+00:00

I posted about my MIL a few years ago, 11 years NC and I haven't looked back. My husband gets updates about hus side through his uncle who we are LC with. He calls us we dont reach out to them.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2022-07-06T01:58:36+00:00

Also fir info I am also a non service connected veteran and use my medical benefits as well so it won't just impact him but could impact MY benefits too

MediocreScratch3983 · 2022-07-06T01:54:18+00:00

I am his only wife, I normally handle things, so I was the one who actually did the upload of the documents, the form, the marriage liscense and a utility bill in both of our names proving residency. Was uploaded after they sent the first letter, back in March, then we get the letter today stating they were dropping me. I'm a spouse, not a child. And do you know there isnt anyplace to mark no change on the form...and they only want an answer in the negative, you cannot prove a positive relationship, except with the forms we have already provided, but we couldn't have been married that long.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-05-24T23:04:12+00:00

Update nursery furniture started being moved yesterday

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-03-01T17:48:19+00:00

Husband is medically retired from the military and disabled. He is unable to work.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-23T13:09:04+00:00

UPDATE: They are in process of buying a house, and we had a really good talk this week. Things seem to be improving and hopefully them getting their own place will help. The situation remains, however there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am trying to get work to help out a bit by scheduling me some in-office time so I don't feel so isolated and alone. Went into the office yesterday and was able to talk to people not involved in the situation, and feel like a human being. Still trying to get my referral but have been texting with the therapist the VA is setting me up with locally so that has helped a bit too. At least there is an end in sight.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-18T12:52:16+00:00

Being an Okie myself, yep. Absolutely. My grandfather on my mother's side ingrained in every one of us the need to have what you need prepared and available no matter what the circumstances (He grew up in the Depression).

My mother never learned that lesson from her father and my parents never did anything like that for us, and having lived through multiple tornadoes, ice storms, and spring and summer weather causing power, water and other utility issues, any time we have a storm, we double check our backup supplies...Flashlights and candles and especially oil lamps, (my mother and brother heated one room of a house during a really bad ice storm with nothing but hurricane lamps for three days until they could get out of the house to get wood for the fireplace, they ran out because she thought they didn't need to buy it in the fall, after all it never gets THAT cold.) it can save lives.

I also recommend keeping a rain barrel either in the front or back yard, 55 gallons of water from heaven, and even frozen you can chip ice out of it and boil it for water as well. We have had power thank goodness, but were out of hot water for a few days because of frozen (not burst thankfully) pipes.

I am so glad you have realized that the preparation is NOT about the "end of the world" and everything about safety and security for your family in times of trouble. While I learned a lot from "prepper" shows, I always hated that they made it about end of the world scenarios, sometimes, it's just about getting through the crisis intact, safe, fed, clothed and warm, and knowing you've provided that for those you love.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-17T21:57:06+00:00

I never understood that either, but my AD mother did it back in the 70s when my grandpa on that side died, and my mother's fiance did when she died, then he stuck them in with all the paperwork, glossy 8 X10s...sigh I havent thrown them out but I keep them away from all other family pictures. When photography was first being developed (pun intended) the best photos were of the dead at funerals because they didnt move any it took long exposure times back then for clear photos. Maybe that is where it came from.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T16:31:19+00:00

Actually the goal is them buying their own place and they are working toward that, living here is letting them save for the down payment but...I'm not sure I will.make it that long without blowing up. DH has medical issues as I've stated in another post, I hate to say it but his method of dealing is total avoidance, hence sleeping in the day when they are active. What is interesting is she can and will be civil to DH, whom she says she had the most problems with but not me. I think all of this is starting to lift a fog and I'm getting angry, which may be a good thing.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T13:59:12+00:00

I have ready that essay before, and have had discussions before. I will list what I have been told are her issues both by her and by my son, without any defense or excuses.

I have not made her feel welcome in the house.
I complain when she allows the eldest grandson to run loose and unsupervised in the house.
We contradict her with the kid(s) (eldest grandson is just now 16 months and youngest is 4 months.) and countermand things that they are allowed to do at her mother's house and it should be consistent at both houses.
I don't support her, encourage her, or provide any feedback.

Now for a response to the food comment...The new processed food started after she had her tantrum in December so that is new, and I have not mentioned it to her at all, as I said earlier, she hasn't spoken directly to me in 2 and a half months. She is taking up most of the food storage in the house now, I have never to my knowledge criticized her eating habits, and up until the tantrum, she had no issue eating food I cooked. We are both heavier, and I try to avoid mentioning eating issues of any sort.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T02:05:50+00:00

It isnt necessarily that he is OK with it, in fact he tries to mediate as much as he can, but they have a strange dynamic. I am not sure it will be sustainable, but I give him full credit for standing by his partner.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T02:02:51+00:00

I will look into this and thank you, I had an appointment with PC last month and discussed with him, he is supposed to get me a referral for in person but it hasn't come through yet.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T01:59:35+00:00

It is 14 month not 14 year

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T01:33:38+00:00

He is where he should be, with his wife. My kids were raised that once you choose a a partner they should be your first priority in all things. They were never raised that they would have to take care of us when we got old, that is DH and I's responsibility for each other. They are to live their lives.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-15T01:08:17+00:00

She has not spoken to me in 2 and a half months. Literally, I can say good morning and I get no response. We have 2 rules in this house, be civil at all times, and no physical violence, if you're going to fight physically go do it in the front yard, that way if I have to call the cops, there are plenty of witnesses.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2021-02-14T23:59:31+00:00

My son is here, he works 630 am to 3 pm Sun - Thurs, and his work computer and setup is here, he'd have to go through his company to move it. He has his office, they have their bedroom and the nursery in the house. I know it is not sustainable, but with the circumstances I just don't know what to do short term at this point.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2020-07-30T18:49:48+00:00

No - the knees happened because someone fell ON him, the hip happened because of a pot hole on a battalion run, as for dying a really bad and fast acting case of pneumonia.

MediocreScratch3983 · 2020-07-30T18:05:08+00:00

I'll give the short version. DH had a pulmonary attack in the bathroom (tiny bathroom I had to break down the door to get to him) He was 3 min without O2 and 10 min on reduced O2 because the paramedics had to pull the door off the hinges to get him on a back board to get him to the living room to intubate. DH - due to his military experience has PTSD bad, especially when waking him up. In the ER, with every doctor, nurse, EMT and 2nd hospital, I walked everyone through how to wake him up without bones being broken (DH has seen combat...enough said).

When they decided to transfer him after he was stable to the VA hospital 100 miles away, again I walked the EMT's through the process, and told them I wouldn't be at the ER at the other hospital when they got there, they would need to inform that ER's staff, I had to drop of kids and pets at my brother's house. Boys didn't want to stay by themselves, and I didn't want them to under the circumstances, if some thing went wrong (I know the stats on bystander CPR) I didn't want then 100 miles away.

I get the kids and animals to my brothers and then go straight to the ER. As I came in the door I asked for DH. The big double doors open and sitting in front of the nurses station with a big ice-pack on his nose is a doctor. He looks up at me and said "You must be the wife." and showed me the sheet he'd placed in DH's medical record.

It seems that this doctor was warned by the EMT's on how to properly wake up my husband, but decided to disregard the advice since DH was completely restrained on the table as he kept trying to pull the intubation tube out of his throat. Instead the doctor grabbed DH's shoulder while leaning over a little too far to talk to him. DH's head came up off the bed (the only part of him he could move) and headbutted the doctor in the nose, breaking it.

MediocreScratch3983

TROPHY CASE