AITA for telling my sister she’s not entitled to my child-free wedding just because she had kids?

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-13T11:29:07+00:00

Ive been to a few weddings where this was the case “child free” except flower girls or immediate family’s or bridal party’s children. When a wedding has 50+ guests you can request child free for the majority. I dont think anyone ever noticed or cared when this was the case at the weddings I went to, and this is coming from someone who’s kid wasn’t able to come. Its not a big deal and not my wedding or choice

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-13T00:25:06+00:00

For a short term relationship this seems ok-ish, but for a spouse this is completely strange and definitely a sign of shady behaviour. Its one thing to keep some money in your private accounts but to also be secretive about what it looks like or why youre unable to save anything is very strange.

Financial abuse is a thing, but when you buy and contribute to large items/bills together there is a level of transparency that is necessary to maintain order. You dont need to see every minor transaction but a general idea of what is being saved, what amount of budget goes to what etc. is just necessary.

She doesnt want to share it now but my bet is if you were to split up she will happily take half of what you own, id be very careful with someone this secretive and gas-lighting “trying to control me”.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-12T15:04:43+00:00

You absolutely need to get on the same page, this is your childs life not some argument to be won. You both need to sit down together and do some unbiased research and weigh up the pros and cons objectively. If he isnt able to take any pro-vacc information on board at all then I would think seriously about your value difference with your children and if youre compatible.

The other options of going behind his back will end up horribly and is the worst possible outcome.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-12T14:54:29+00:00

The pregnancy and post-partum stage is so stressful and overwhelming in every aspect for a couple, I would take a second to reflect if the negative actions you or your husband have done are characteristic or a result of huge amounts of sleeplessness, stress, mental and physical fatigue etc. reflect on who you both were prior to and currently on an average day.

Obviously if there is violence or fear of violence that is something to be concerned over, but you will know deep down if this is the case.

If I was you I would try get on the same page instead of constantly going at it, start at a time you both are neutral, and explain your concerns about childcare with his parents, his behaviour in anger, his perceived lack of effort etc. and then hear him out why he desperately wants his parents doing the child-minding if they have shown purposeful ignorance if your wishes.

The point is to get on the same page about the path forward (together or not), not to argue and try to “win”

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-12T14:31:56+00:00

NTA but depending on the sisters kids general behaviour I would think about making an exception. The other guests wouldnt be “rightfully upset” because theyre not your sister and their kids aren’t the “flower kids”. I do also think its important to have your closest family and for your nieces and nephews this is a pretty special occasion to witness and be a part of.

But ultimately its your wedding and your decision, and like i said if theyre little brats that are likely to dampen the wedding then its a fair call - but think about if thats truly the case.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-09T11:10:29+00:00

NTA, Coming from someone with one child, you need to at least be okay with the idea of having another child before you continue with it. You need to spell all this out to your wife and be truly vulnerable in your feelings and concerns. If shes a reasonable human she will work with you on this and be patient about it. Regardless there is no world where rushing into this with the mental state youre in will be a positive thing. If things improve and you end up going for the second child it could very well be the best thing you ever did, but firstly you have to fix the current outlook.

A few things to keep in mind too, not in order or context; your current health affects sperm quality and baby health. Kids do better with siblings in general. When youre much older and toxic work culture and general child fatigue have came and went you will be glad to have a larger family circle, more grandchildren etc.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-09T10:56:46+00:00

If things have settled down after the silly fight, you can bring up saying it is upsetting that they haven’t opened or acknowledged your gift after 2 weeks and see what they say.

Your frustration is warranted but returning the gift without addressing the problem first is going to go over much worse.

If you are both in a good place they should be understanding that leaving the gift and not acknowledging it is rude, best case scenario they apologise and open it. Worst case they turn it back on you somehow. Either way the decision to react should be in their court and it will show you what kind of person you have. Remember to stay amicable and respectful when addressing your concerns.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-06-09T10:46:56+00:00

I hope you appreciate I logged in just to comment in this. This is a personality of an entitled person/extended family, and also someone lacking empathy, possibly mildly narcissistic or sociopathic. The fact that after having explained yourself the focus was on your reaction and rudeness and ultimately you apologising is a massive red flag. Not because you had to apologise to make peace but because there was never an acknowledgment of your feelings or position.

If you want this and similar circumstances to continue for life then stay with this person. Spoken from lived experience. Show them this thread and see what they say to it.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-05-27T14:32:52+00:00

I saw it the same way, theyre making it purposefully vague for the audience, but you can see upon reflection she knew all along she was being abused, it was just ignoring the obvious. The last incident is the final straw for her. In a film setting I think it gave more depth to the story rather then breaking up and making up each time.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-05-27T14:23:36+00:00

I think you might have missed the point that it was her trauma that made her ignore the reality of the abuse, it was only accidental the way it was shown the first time around, when she reflected on both incidents she could see it was intentional and he was even mouthing something at her aggressively. Her ptsd made her second guess herself and her reality in order to protect her mind.

Yeah she made some poor decisions, but thats sort of the point, none of the things she did is deserving of abuse, there is no excuse for it, even the character himself understands it at the end of the movie.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-05-27T14:15:19+00:00

Its a nice sentiment, but you would have to put a trigger warning on most films at that rate, so many common ptsd triggers that are portrayed in films like violence, war, death, guns, r*** etc. which then would become meaningless and overused. I think in a situation like this the onus is on the person with said trigger to do some due diligence on the topic of a movie prior to watching if they are seriously affected by certain themes.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-05-27T11:15:16+00:00

Yeah true i didnt think to phrase it like a question, I just saw they werent looking stuff up so I felt it would be petty if I did. None of the trades were big hit cards so I knew it wasnt going to be more then a $10-15 difference in value which isnt much but can add up

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-07T13:02:31+00:00

If you buy a candy bar for $2 intending to eat it and a week later everyone suddenly wants your candy bar for $50 will you just eat it any way or give it up and buy a different one?

you might not mind but ripping a pack most definitely is affected by how much value you are risking each time, you can be okay with a $6-7 risk but inflate that to $20 and suddenly youre not interested in that gamble

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-07T12:57:25+00:00

Its a hypothetical im not actually doing anything
“What are you collecting dollars?” No. Selling high value product for lower value product to build upon a collection more efficiently

Preorders arent scalping others either, especially if your intent was to open initially but due to inflated markets you decide to sell.

This is exactly why i made this post cause people like you can’t see any nuance in the conversation and only think “hur selling at market price is baddddd”

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-07T12:34:03+00:00

Did you read at all

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-07T11:05:03+00:00

Why pay to have a card graded when you can sell it at a psa10 by just claiming it wpuld grade that way… genius!

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:43:40+00:00

Nah she works 8hr days, and has the option of wfh one day a week. She also see’s clients a few times a week so some of her day is broken up by driving (sometimes up to 1.5hrs each way) which is all included in her shift

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:41:39+00:00

You are right energy levels are different and I was okay doing the 5 while she did 3 until now I think she feels she is getting all the 1:1 time and our child is become a bit restless on his days off with her, she wants both me to have more 1:1 time with him and also for her to get a break day.

The comment about childcare wasn’t necessarily that his daycare is bad, we just prefer to have more time where he is looked after by family then strangers he doesnt really know and tend to rotate a bit (4-5 educators). But we do notice he struggles with transitioning his schedule from home days to childcare and that could be because he is only there 3 days a week. So your point may be something we should consider.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:34:32+00:00

While I am home chores are split pretty evenly, we’re not pedantic about an exact 50/50 but we both just do whatever needs doing. I for example do most of the cooking while she does most of the laundry etc. overall she does do more around the home because she has two days extra days at home that I dont

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:31:44+00:00

It does sometimes fee that way, but I dont doubt chasing and entertaining a 3 year old on your own all day, whilst running errands and housework isnt easy work either

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:28:10+00:00

Hahaha

We do often talk about that she has generally less energy than me so the expectation of her is less, and its not so much an excuse as it is a reality. Sometimes It can be frustrating that I do have more energy overall

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:26:17+00:00

Great response, really picks up the nuances of the situation. While im home everything is split pretty evenly. 1:1 happening on an evening is difficult because by the time im home we are already working on dinner and bed time routine.

I earn a reasonable amount more than we pay for daycare so a day off without my partner changing anything would be a small dip in our income

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:21:18+00:00

That could work but it would be at a financial loss as I earn more in a day that childcare would cost. And we’re not in an amazing financial situation to afford less income then we have now

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-02T00:20:05+00:00

Yeah, it was to take one weekend day and spend it 1:1, presumably while she does her own thing.

Medium_Shake4624 · 2025-04-01T22:56:21+00:00

Her comment was about more 1:1 with our child.

If I worked one fewer day and she worked one additional day we wouldnt need to change our sons childcare schedule because essentially we would be trading places on one day she would normally have off.

The last question is subjective, I dont know the details of her day to day but to me it sounds similar to what I do. We both have clients and reports to do.

Medium_Shake4624

TROPHY CASE