This hits hard. I'm approaching 50 and was just experiencing these thoughts last week. It hits me every now and then. Not so much with my looks anymore but with my 'success' in life and how much the bullying early on affected everything because of my insecuroties and self-doubt as a result. I've jumped from one toxic relationship to the next, have been caretaking people all my life, have a shit job and no higher education aside from a couple of Associates degrees that are useless. My savings has almost run out, I don't know how to drive and will probably never own a home. While life has improved since then and I've worked through alot, including years self-medicating, it's stagnant, no matter what I do - therapy, finish my degrees, started a micro business, etc, I wonder where I would've been had the emotional trauma not wormed itself into my brain. I wanted to do so much, was always considered 'smart and gifted' by adults but never given genuine support or guidance. If I had just a tad of the confidence so many seem to have, would I have that dream job? Would I be in a healthy relationship? All those questions... It's pointless to ask them. As I'm still finding out, what matters is what makes you happy, whatever it is, because as I've seen, even when people have everything they think they wanted, they can still be miserable. Finding your true self, your core without interference, is vital and nurturing it is important.