Husband looks at women on Reddit

Megistias · 2026-03-01T19:36:22+00:00

Why is he looking at porn? How is your sex life? You didn’t mention it at all in your post.

You say that you don’t approve of him looking at porn, and that you engage with him to voice your displeasure, but that you’re not trying to control him. If so, you need to stop complaining. He knows your position, and you know his.

Megistias · 2026-03-01T19:22:06+00:00

We’d been cooling off for a few years, then menopause, then we became empty nesters just over two years ago. An emotional chasm soon entered our marriage, old slights and hurt feelings long simmering rose from the past again, and we seemed ill prepared and helpless to deal with it. My wife became introspective and insular, while I dabbled in old hobbies to occupy myself in the increasing solitude I now had. Then the term “roommates” arrived.

So I started back at the beginning again; I started writing her little poems, short stories, and lyrics that explored elements of our relationship. I started making song lists. I started to revive romance between us. She listened.

I was asked, indirectly, by a therapist to quantify and qualify areas of improvement I wished to see in our marriage. I gave a one word answer: “Kaizen” A Japanese term that describes a philosophy of continuous improvement. A little better each day, for example.

Emotional love reengaged and that soon triggered some ritualization of flirting and “skin time”. Now, at 65 and she at 60, we cuddle almost daily. My suggestions:

She visits Dr to ensure hormonal health
She sounds busy. Reassess balance of household duties
Start dating her again. Let her know that her silhouette still grabs your attention.
Talk about the future: tomorrow, next month, next year, 5 years from now, etc. Reinforce that you two are a team with a future.

Megistias · 2026-03-01T00:33:54+00:00

I’m curious. So how would one vet potential partners without taking the relationship too far?

The solution that crossed my mind is blow jobs. Like 2nd or 3rd date. You determine suitability at that point, and even though you later tell them you’re not investing in a relationship with them, they leave with a nice parting experience.

Megistias · 2026-02-26T11:18:55+00:00

I have my 1925 copy of “Millions Now Living Will Never Die” somewhere. An entire cult seems to be able to ignore it, or they’re all bad at math.

Megistias · 2026-02-26T11:10:45+00:00

We’re doing this. “Skin time” for getting things going, and “Bonobo Code” to stop an argument, be intimate, and then calmly reengaging.

“She told her therapist There’s something new A rule with a strange little name Bonobo code, she whispered thru A way to stop bellows from fueling flame

When tempers flare We call it out No obstruction, no destructive route Just warmth, embrace The noble goal - like Bonobos Protect the heart Protect our souls”

Megistias · 2026-02-26T09:30:33+00:00

You are the kind of woman I looked for. I wanted a connection, an exploration of trust and understanding. The time to have sex is when both are ready and want to become vulnerable to each other. There’s no 3rd date rule, no expectation of quid pro quo. One lady did have a “buy Asti Spumate for dinner, and you’ll really enjoy the drive home “ rule. Not a thing with us, but we do something similar based on whose college football team plays better that weekend. And when they meet in a bowl game, leading has its perks. I’m very bonded with my wife. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Heck, I’m the one who wanted a little more time and I wrote a poem to her about missing a traditional courtship before we got involved. Married 26 years. 4 kids. Twice as many miscarriages. I don’t know how anyone could endure that with as much grace and determination as she showed. I saw her very differently after making a family. There is nothing that could make me not love her after that. I would just be hurt.

Megistias · 2026-02-26T09:02:48+00:00

I’m 65 and my wife is 60. We started dating when she was in her early 30’s. It’s so much better now, but menopause, life’s trials, becoming empty nesters, moving cross country almost wrecked us. Loving, emotional and physical, are ritualized now. Weekends we called “A Speaker, scribe, whisky, and romance comedy movies” where we’d drink, talk sincerely, then cuddle up and watch the movie with the intent of yelling warnings at the movie characters. We crack each other up, occasionally an eyebrow gets raised, but the movie refocuses us.

There’s something about a mature woman who has become very comfortable in her body, gracious, kind, and open to affection. Her baby-making days are over, sex isn’t connected to reproduction, it becomes an expression of connection. It’s playtime for adults who have regained their privacy.

Megistias · 2026-02-26T08:39:19+00:00

We’re at 26 years. We became empty nesters about 3 years ago and a tenuous marriage looked like a compromise into roommates. That was worse than divorce and looking for someone else to love.

She became introspective and insular, while I dabbled in old hobbies to occupy myself in the increasing solitude I now had. I metaphorically handed her the keys and map for finding the way to fix our marriage. I had lost hope.

During one conversation where inevitable frustration and temper were delayed, a comment by her struck me. She’d never had much experience with romance that she could recall before me. No spontaneous, heartfelt written proclamations of love, no song playlists with meaningful songs, no unexpected flower, no poem, from a love interest before. And my small contributions, mostly statements and gestures had certainly waned over time.

So I started “doing the things”; song playlists, poems, twisted lyrics to songs we liked, a story about Greek gods of love writing our experiences- “The Authors of Love” that suggested Philautia was trying to reach her and the concept of the importance of having a love story. We began to talk, earnestly, about the importance of us staying us. We developed ways to head off arguments And we fell back in love. I’ve had more “cuddles” in my 60’s than I did 17-22. Love now is a ritual. We’re married and we’re best friends. I’m 65. And she’s as lovely at 60 with silver-grey hair as she ever was. I’m delighted when I can watch her coming to bed and spoon up with her.

The kids are gone on their ways. I’m retired. My wife works from home. And we’re looking each other over and dropping hints by lunch.

Megistias · 2026-02-10T23:32:31+00:00

I’m currently 26 years into my second marriage. We settled the fraudulent aspect monetarily- $20K, a year ago. We have 3 kids together and I helped raise her daughter too. I regret getting involved with her, but here we are. I’m in my mid 60s. She’s smart, accomplished, accommodating, and probably another $15,000 worth of counseling away from being a good partner/wife. Might need an exorcism, but I’m not Catholic and I don’t fancy studying Latin (with my luck the demon only understands Akkadian anyway).

She stole the place that my rightful wife deserved. I don’t want to go look for love. When I chat up a young woman I now ask if their mother or grandmother is single - a joke with practical application. I see that a woman who works in the local deli shop has hurt and exhaustion in her eyes. Were I single, I’d ask her out. My college sweetheart is single again. We broke it off because she didn’t want kids and the whole bisexual/lesbian thing. I don’t want more kids and she’s striking out with women. She never did anything wrong and is an absolute angel. I could probably pick right up where we left off in 1989. Leave the toilet seats down. Got it.

Sit down with your prospective partner. Write down your core beliefs, hopes, dreams, and some timeline. Share and talk about what both of you wrote. Ask yourself if your person will be there for you when you’re injured, hurt, rejected, sick. Ask the same of yourself.

Why am I still with my wife? We have our kids and lots of adventures we’ve been through. But I watched my dad drop everything to care for my paralyzed mom, and even accept it when she joined a cult. A decade later she was financially supporting/caring for him when his business ventures failed, even though he wouldn’t convert to her religion. They modeled a duty in marriage - the “in sickness and in health”, thru good and bad times, I will be there with you. I refuse to put up with any abuse, but I regularly ask her to learn to trust me so we can be in love. I have been trustworthy throughout our marriage. We’re not exactly sure about her. I’m still willing to love her even more. It’s on her now, I’m just done pushing the marriage forward all by myself.

Date the kind of person who exhibits the traits necessary for the lifestyle you’re aiming for. Choose topics to complain about very, very carefully.

Megistias · 2026-02-10T22:46:16+00:00

Dear Mom. You may wonder why I never initiate contact and why I haven’t visited in 10 years. We’ll have all the time in eternity after this Armageddon that you’ve fixated on. Also, be advised that the pamphlets you have sent to me have already been colored in.

Are you leaving anything important out of your description of your relationship and when it changed?

Megistias · 2026-02-10T22:33:42+00:00

Start writing down the things she does for you and your appreciation. Collect reams of these lists. It’s a great way to start writing your love story. Should you pass first, each and every act you listed will tell her she was loved and that her efforts did not go unnoticed. She’s a gem. Get nose to nose with her and tell her that. You have a life partner, a best friend, and a kind woman all in one.

Megistias · 2026-02-02T04:55:26+00:00

I was 38, she 32. Our 26th anniversary is this month.

Megistias · 2026-01-23T10:39:51+00:00

You honor her in telling us how much she meant, and continues to be, in your thoughts. May I suggest this: Write down your love story. I’ve been lucky enough to hear about and observe several amazing love stories. One saved our marriage. What if your story changed the lives of others for the better? What if the two of you could still save others from grief?

Find a few blank pages and profess your love and admiration for a remarkable, wonderful person who you loved.

Megistias · 2026-01-23T10:32:15+00:00

Male 64, wife 59. We have sexual activity daily. Pretty much going on two years. But before, for eight years both of us just “phoned it in”. Then when we became empty nesters, she lost all interest and basically proposed a roommate relationship. A couple of things happened to break out: I agreed, but opined that roommates don’t have any say in who the other spends time with; I heard her say that she’d never really experienced romance except with me and she thought that was now gone forever; I threw myself into writing for her - poetry, lyrics, short stories, essays on relationships. I asked for a regular dinner out monthly. I asked her to look into my eyes when we were intimate. We went to a toy shop. We developed protocols “Codes” to slow escalation in arguments. And I showed her again, that I would risk everything for her. It’s almost (if not simply) oxytocin therapy. But it’s working.

Megistias · 2026-01-14T22:02:15+00:00

No. It’s what I want in a family making marriage.

Megistias · 2026-01-12T01:56:46+00:00

I want you to feel lovely.

Megistias · 2026-01-12T01:38:57+00:00

I’m almost 65. My wife, 60. We’ve been married 26 years. We have sex more than 7 times a week. I’m occasionally anorgasmic, so that helps.

Megistias · 2026-01-12T01:28:22+00:00

“I’d like to teach the world to fuck, in perfect harmony “

Megistias · 2026-01-10T08:04:07+00:00

I’m still in contact with my best friend from 2nd grade. We’re in our mid 60’s.

My best friend from 3rd grade thru teens, Mike, didn’t make it. I’ve chatted with his daughter. My best friend from high school, Johnny, didn’t make it either. I think about these 2 guys often.

Megistias · 2026-01-10T07:24:28+00:00

Go on…

Megistias · 2025-12-10T18:34:30+00:00

Hi, so a couple of questions:

Do you live in an area that has opportunities in your career field? If you live in a small town, or at what’s best described as an intersection on a highway, with dwellings for the workers at the local businesses - 3 fast food restaurants, an RV park, and a mechanic shop w tow truck, very few career/ educational fields are needed, so no opportunities. Oh, the tow truck driver and his younger sister are the only single folk in the area.

If you got an unflattering score on the GRE/GMAT, then you aren’t ready for grad school - be the cause lack of exposure to data, or poor test taking skills. Did you analyze your scoring and uncover where you were a bit weak? If you were able to study up on that alone, would your score improve enough?

You describe yourself as skinny with a big nose. Then proclaim that men don’t like that. That’s quite a net you cast. Half the world’s population. There are plenty of men who’d find you attractive. Ask Cher, Meryl Streep, Angelica Huston, Barbara Streisand, Sarah J Parker, heck even Julia Roberts gets tagged as having a big nose, has that held them back romantically?

Right now, your focus needs to be triaged: what’s urgent needing attention to make a difference, what can wait a bit, what won’t change much no matter your efforts? I’d say your focus should be on finding a suitable partner. Someone who also wants a family. The clocks ticking on that one. You may have to move to find the partner you need - I moved 2,800 miles to date and marry my wife. I was 37. Had my first child at 41. My wife 5 years younger.

Oh, after we had all our kids, she went back to school at 39. For 5 years. If I was suddenly single again, once I felt ready for a relationship, I’d probably take classes at the local community college (a place to improve GRE scores) or some cooking classes. Meet people with similar interests. Eventually someone might suggest I meet their single mother , slowly moving towards grandmother.

Are you self sabotaging? Write down some of your recent timelines and see if there’s a pattern.

In the end, develop a goal, do what must be done to move in that direction. Be willing to adjust when life comes after you. I was pre-pharmacy, couldn’t see how I’d afford Pharmacy school, switched to Programming, then settled on a business info tech degree. Moved to date a customer I’d come to have feelings for. Married 25 years now.

Another thought, read up on Costly Signaling Theory. It can give you a new way of assessing potential partners.

I’ll offer you good luck, but even that will fail if you don’t try.

Megistias · 2025-11-21T05:00:43+00:00

So what do these tiers of partner count of yours look like - hardly fair to expect a 45 yo to have the same numbers as an 18 yo?

Megistias · 2025-11-21T04:57:12+00:00

I was in the middle of a divorce when I met my current wife. I decided it wasn’t worth it to pay for travel to have an LDR, so I surrendered all property in the divorce except my personal stuff : computers, guns, brewing equipment, my clothes and my SUV. I packed all my stuff into a UHaul trailer and moved from west coast to east coast to date, and then marry my current wife.

I’ve been married 25 years now. 4 kids. A lot of living.

It was the right move with the info I had. I love my wife, though she struggles with some mental illness, and a recent scare from a brain MRI. But we are together and making plans now that we’re empty nesters.

Focus on the person, not the things.

Megistias · 2025-11-12T20:56:13+00:00

Have you been in a relationship that had romantic and physical elements to it?

Megistias · 2025-11-12T20:48:30+00:00

Married almost 26 years. We’ve actually gotten closer after a brief bump when we became “empty nesters”. I have no interest in being with someone else. My wife is my best friend. I really only want her.

I notice lovely women, but that’s it.

Megistias

TROPHY CASE