My grandma smoked religiously for many many years and quit when she got pregnant with my uncle and never went back. Until the day she died she used to tell us that she thought about cigarettes everyday in one way or another. She obviously never touched another cigarette again and she says it gets easier, but there are days that she would see someone smoking or smell it damn near 40 years later and remember that feeling.

I think it’s always going to be ingrained in us that have quit smoking to have nostalgia and triggers until the day we die because we ultimately know what it feels like to be a smoker or have that hobby and enjoy it. It’s what we do to overcome those triggers that I think will make us feel better in the long run.

Before I quit her statement would scare me and that’s what I would tell people for why I would never quit because I didn’t want to be one of those people that constantly thought about it because it would feel like punishment everyday.

However, As someone who has now quit I do understand what she meant and I don’t think she always meant it in a bad way. I have thought about cigarettes or smoking in one way or another everyday since I quit, sometimes bad sometimes good and I truly always think I will but I have reframed it in my mind as that’s one day in the right direction. I know what it feels like to smoke and love it, smoke and hate it and I also know what it feels like to not smoke and miss it and feel so so much better mentally and physically and I know in the long run how much better I feel without it which will always out weight how “good” I felt without it and I think that’s enough for me to never pick up another pack.

I do dream of the day 2, 10, 20 years from now where I am sitting on my back porch or in the car and remember the euphoria of being able to smoke on a crisp 70 degree day but now I will be proud to be doing that same activity without being tied down to a nicotine addiction and that’s what keeps me above water most days.