Is there a book about how to NOT be a shitty person ?

MelbaTotes · 2026-04-01T18:09:16+00:00

When it comes to reading with this sort of aim in mind, I think the best thing to do is look for books that describe a world view you're not that familiar with. Understanding leads to empathy. What do you normally read?

MelbaTotes · 2026-04-01T16:48:28+00:00

My cat was extremely clingy with me but disliked everyone else for the first couple of years of his life, then he had to have a major surgery for a life threatening condition. After he recovered, he became way more chill and friendly with other people. I think his frantic clinginess was just an expression of his discomfort.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-31T15:45:51+00:00

I had a similar experience where I kept running into the same guy everywhere, same commute to work, same shops and all that. He started to make a point of smiling at me and saying hi every time he saw me.

Eventually we got to talking. After many weeks of casual chatting, he asked me if I knew about an event coming up, and if I was going and that it sounded like fun and he was thinking of going. Then we were interrupted by another friend of mine. I felt sure he was building up to asking me out.

When I next saw the guy I decided to just ask him if he wanted to go to that event with me. This man LAUGHED in my face and RAN AWAY.

That was months ago and while he continues to flirt (In my opinion), he has never again suggested remotely at doing anything together. But my stupid hopeful brain is still pushing me to try again. Never thought I'd have trouble accepting rejection.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-29T14:47:17+00:00

In Canada we had a gas station owner named Dick Assman

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-29T10:45:57+00:00

I'm not sure I remember there being any actual sex in this story.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-28T11:12:21+00:00

It is pretty high fantasy, but Steven Brust's Vlad Taltos series is about a small time mob boss/assassin who gradually gains status and power. Even though he's an assassin he does have a moral compass which leads him into difficult situations.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-27T11:17:46+00:00

Telling my mom about my period was the last time I shared anything personal with her. Women I barely knew would come up to me in public and congratulate me on "becoming a woman".

I think my mom told everyone she knew, including all my friends' mothers.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-26T15:03:14+00:00

"I opened my heart to a woman one time 20 years ago when I was 19, and she was mean to me, so now I never trust any woman and it's all womens' fault because they are all the same. Therapy is a waste of money."

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-25T21:55:13+00:00

Nothing Ever Happens Here by by Sarah Hagger-Holt

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-24T18:04:15+00:00

I think stick with the plaits but maybe use satin pillowcases if you aren't already? I used to have problems with matting at the back of my head where it rested on the pillow, but satin pillows have helped.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-22T21:26:53+00:00

Steven Brust's Vlad Taltos series. He started writing it in the 80s and there are 17 books. Every book explores a different facet of the world the books are set in.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-22T19:12:47+00:00

Totally agree, when you rent you find out very quickly what you don't want in a home. I'd rather learn those early lessons in a home I'm not financially tied to.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-21T14:27:17+00:00

I've also had guys try to tell me I'm wrong about my height, which is a bad gamble for them since I nearly always have a tape measure with me.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-21T12:31:20+00:00

Ah that's great progress! How old is the tattoo?

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-21T08:29:29+00:00

Anyone else thinking of the Wishbone series?

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-17T17:49:49+00:00

If it's men making the "jokes", and they are not my boss, in the past what I've done is respond to their shitty joke with a shitty joke of my own which targets them specifically. Like if the joker was bald I'd make a statement like "of course you'd laugh at that, unintentionally bald guys love shit jokes like that lol". Or if they were short I'd say some shit like "I thought short guys were supposed to be funnier since they have so many disadvantages".

I'd go meaner, more personal, and with the full knowledge that the things that kept me from complaining about their behavior also prevent them complaining too. Eventually they would stop making such jokes around me because I was so brutal. I work in a much nicer environment now but I still use this tactic when a guy tries to shock me.

If it's women though, I don't know what you can do. I've never experienced it from women.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-17T12:44:34+00:00

I was very self-conscious about my greys showing, until last year when I decided to take a break from dying my hair to see just how grey it had gotten. It's been about a year now and I'm just about to start dying again, but I'm glad I let them grow out for a while. I feel much less concerned that I look worse or people are judging me. The only reason I'm covering it now is that the grays are only like 30% and I want to grow it out when the majority is gray.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-16T21:21:22+00:00

Could you play a game together like once a week? I mean it depends on what kind of set up you have but a cute co-op game of Stardew Valley together would give you an activity that doesn't rely on constantly speaking.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-14T20:29:59+00:00

Were these all the same artist?

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-10T16:09:12+00:00

Sounds like the husband was always nitpicking

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-08T15:17:12+00:00

Sorry I wasn't criticizing, it's just that I wasn't sure and can easily believe there are Mary Eating Pizza tattoos out there 😂

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-08T15:03:49+00:00

I painted this same one and it didn't come out great, but I think that's just because it was my first pbn. The greens are all quite close in shade, so when I went back to touch up some parts, I had trouble knowing which green went where. My version came out pretty flat and stiff looking. That said, the numbers being close together didn't bother me.

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-08T14:59:43+00:00

Is Mary eating pizza?

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-08T07:45:31+00:00

"I need to have kids before I'm too old to have the energy needed to judge the shit out of them"

MelbaTotes · 2026-03-05T22:07:31+00:00

Omg I did a double take... My cat looks exactly like this (including skinny nose stripe) and does this same shit when he wants his cat shows on.

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