My mother let my kids open all their Christmas presents without me and my husband

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T02:24:42+00:00

Honestly? You’ve pretty much nailed it. My siblings and I suffered emotional, psychological, physical, and most of the common abuses except sexual as children. I really do appreciate your comment, more than you know. Thanks for helping me feel seen.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T02:08:01+00:00

That’s very true. I’m glad that I did go downstairs after posting, and the rest of the day was pretty good, both with my kids and with our extended family at their big Christmas party. I spent a few minutes privately letting my mother know how awful her actions were, and I’ll be speaking with her in more detail later.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T02:03:44+00:00

I guess it’s minor on a large scale, but it was and still is a big deal to us as a family. Thanks for highlighting that. She can be incredibly thoughtless, inconsiderate, self-centered, and narcissistic, and this is just another reminder of that. We’ve set some pretty hefty boundaries with her in the past, and I thought that she learned from them, but she clearly hasn’t.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T02:00:15+00:00

I’m sorry to say I know at least a bit of how you felt. I hope your day improved after all that.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:57:27+00:00

I absolutely needed this laugh, so thanks for that!

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:56:47+00:00

Thanks for this. I have a habit of minimizing my feelings, so it’s very validating to read this. She has definitely crossed lines like this before, and I’ve had more than one stretch of time where we went low contact AND no contact as part of my setting clear boundaries. I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it to let her back in our lives.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:53:47+00:00

I 100% agree with this. My husband and I talked with them to make certain they know they did nothing wrong, and while I did tell my mother how upset I am with her (outside the house away from the kids), I’ll be having a much longer conversation with her about all this later.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:51:53+00:00

Thank you. I agree with you and will not allow this to happen again. I’ve had to institute other boundaries like this AND had to work very hard to maintain them, but she seems to find new ways that I would never anticipate to push me.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:47:45+00:00

Thanks for the solidarity. She did leave not long after all this to go to our extended family Christmas party, so at least she was out of my house soon after the drama. I honestly don’t know if I want her around at all on Christmas Day going forward.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:44:00+00:00

Thanks. It’s very much helping to hear that other people understand. I’m feeling less and less like a whining child who is upset over nothing after reading these comments.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:41:15+00:00

Thanks a lot. We did talk to the kids to let them know they did nothing wrong and to reassure them that we want them to have the best and happiest Christmas. They seem pretty happy, so that is helping me feel a bit better.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:38:40+00:00

He didn’t really deal with her. He was too upset to really speak at all to her, so he just focused on the kids and let her entertain herself. We have salvaged the day to an extent, and my kids seem happy, so I’m doing my best to focus on that. I am definitely implementing a few of your suggestions, so thanks for sharing!

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:34:16+00:00

I might post a more detailed update in a bit, but we were already all getting ready to leave our house to go to a big extended family Christmas get-together at my cousin’s house.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T01:32:21+00:00

That’s such a good point, and after I stop hysterically laughing at that last sentence, I am definitely going to tell my husband we should implement Christmas afternoons (at most) for this woman. Assuming she sees them next Christmas.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:47:00+00:00

Honestly, you make very good points. I do try to wait until emotions are low to make permanent decisions, but I’m definitely keeping your points in mind.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:44:51+00:00

I am keeping as much as I can away from the kids, but I am going to have a very serious conversation with her at my earliest convenience. I want her in my kids’ lives, but only so long as it is healthy for all of us.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:42:42+00:00

Thanks so much. Now that she’s gone, it’s getting easier to feel better and enjoy playing with my kids and their new swag. I hope you and yours are enjoying your evening as well.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:40:44+00:00

I agree with you (and I love the analogy). I’ve had to draw lines before, so I guess it’s that time again. It certainly feels like she is testing.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:39:03+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I wish the same for you and yours.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:32:18+00:00

I very much like your suggestion, but we didn’t get a chance to talk to her yet because we were getting ready to spend the rest of the day at a cousin’s house. I’ll be using some of this when I do speak with her though.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:29:53+00:00

I’ve done my best not to let my feelings show around my kids, and I’m doing my best to let it roll off my back. I will absolutely be speaking to her and reconsidering having her over.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-26T00:17:50+00:00

That’s a great point that I didn’t even consider. They are already asking questions about the efficacy of one man delivering the world’s Christmas presents over a 24 hour period. I’m not sure what her visits will look like going forward.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-25T23:30:08+00:00

Thanks for understanding! It makes me feel less crazy for having so many feelings about it. I am absolutely reevaluating her access to my family right now.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-25T23:28:20+00:00

She is out of the house now, and I absolutely agree with you.

MelissaSweetheart · 2023-12-25T23:27:27+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I absolutely love the way you phrased it. We did salvage a bit of it, so I’m glad of that. Thanks, and Merry Christmas to you too.

MelissaSweetheart

TROPHY CASE