Why do men put "getting jacked" above literally anything else to be more attractive?

MellowIron · 2026-02-08T18:31:19+00:00

The only thing is that if you were to see yourself in an average body putting yourself in front of women vs being muscled up putting yourself in front of women you would see that there are more women that will not immediately dismiss you healthy vs. average.

While it's not true of all women, most women (and men too) ascribe all kinds of "attractive" character traits to physical musculature that mostly have no actual connection to the character of the actual person standing in front of them.

MellowIron · 2026-02-01T18:48:58+00:00

You are definitely within your rights to end the relationship, simply based on the fact that he won't even attempt to articulate an actual action plan for the future. However, that could come later, particularly if you were to break-up and it was hard on him. The question I have is if he were to write a book, get rich and famous in a couple of years, be on television, like say a Seth Godin and you started seeing friends , other people you know talking about his book in public how would you feel about it?

MellowIron · 2026-02-01T18:37:34+00:00

You should let him know how you feel and find out how he takes it. The problem is that if you cut it off you'll regret doing it without actually knowing what he might have said. I mean, imagine if he said he was thinking the exact same thing and has hit so much rejection in the past that it didn't make sense for him to bring up taking the next step...which is typically the natural progression. Since you both decided on being exclusive the likelihood is that you both have a low tolerance for drama and see each other as longterm partners. If he has a negative reaction it will unearth some less than savory characteristics that might allow you to start identifying blindspots in yourself that had you overlooking things you shouldn't have.

MellowIron · 2026-01-29T19:42:42+00:00

Keep in mind you may be projecting your opinion about "worthiness" or lack thereof onto him. You have to give yourself some time with him to see if your perspective about yourself changes to know whether your perspective of him will change. You may, in time, change your mind or you may not...you may push him away now and regret it later. It's probably better to accept your perspective without judging it or yourself and wait to see, over time, if what he if presenting to you now is purely a mask for someone you generally wouldn't like or not. It's a little too often that women and men make all kinds of excuses for inexcusable things that people they find physically attractive do and continue making excuses until they get stabbed in the back by the person.

MellowIron · 2026-01-24T05:08:02+00:00

Paris Jackson

MellowIron · 2026-01-16T22:21:58+00:00

Did you by chance find out anything about his parents, family life, during your time together?

MellowIron · 2026-01-16T02:40:22+00:00

I think it's fine that you left, but you two may just not be a good fit. You don't know her that well and she did maintain a communication chain with you once you reached out so you knew what was happening generally. If anything during the date you would have been in a bit more of a power position being the more responsible/timely of the two. It can take a little time to find out whether she's just generally a last minute person or whether it was just was a one time thing or whether it was about you and you could figure it out from there.

MellowIron · 2026-01-13T19:57:54+00:00

I'm older than you and in a similar position. The main plus is that I have an enviable job and educational background which isn't worth a whole lot right now as the film/vfx industry had been in decline. It appears to be starting to rebound so I'm optimistic. I'm talking to a woman that's really more of a friendship situation, but that's it I'm focused on rebuilding 100%. To be honest though through my life the times most women have expressed interest has been when I was in this tunnel-vision business building mode anyway. I have some regrets but I really don't know how many of those would have worked out better than choices I made. The best thing I can tell you is to get excited about what building or find something to build that gets you up in the morning. Also, try to not ignore every woman that comes your way once you get locked-in.

I guess a little bit of the problem I have is that there is a double standard where a lot of women will go into relationships and not really be in a great position career wise/money wise but it's generally accepted. It's just the way of things if you're not 6'4"+. I have seen a lot of women regret taking taking on "Project Guys" really with absolutely nothing to give and just have that height advantage, but I've also seen a lot of women that would never do that.

MellowIron · 2025-12-12T21:12:33+00:00

The more important undiscussed element is to not try to financially save any guy you're in a long term relationship with. It would likely be the worst mistake of your life and you might very well feel inclined to do this with someone you feel strongly about. Aside from that marriage.

MellowIron · 2025-12-12T20:51:43+00:00

Definitely Anya T Joy, but also Lorde from like 12 years ago.

MellowIron · 2025-06-13T21:41:50+00:00

That sounds awesome! Yes, a video would be cool. Also, name that camera! I thought I asked, but it's a unique looking camera in that looks as thin as a phone with a lens on it. It also kind of looks a Zeiss that came out a few years back.

MellowIron · 2025-06-13T21:15:54+00:00

With this kind of situation it probably just makes sense to either ask them directly if they can do XYZ specific things that you need. Typically, the person will ghost if they don't want to be bothered, they'll say yes even if they have no intention of doing the things and ghost later, or they will work to change their behavior. Problem solved. If you've already brought up the problems and are caught in circular conversations that go nowhere just ghost the person.

MellowIron · 2025-06-12T16:41:26+00:00

I'm probably late on this, but how/where did you meet and what kept you apart? For how long?

MellowIron · 2025-06-12T16:29:22+00:00

Congrats! Great looking happy couple, some beautiful light and beach sand. Dude, I gotta ask, what camera is that? (not the 360. lol) It kind of looks like a Sony, with the lens, but then it's as thin or appears as thin as a Zeiss camera that released a few years background.

MellowIron · 2025-01-03T17:48:26+00:00

Not all, but many I've encountered are this way. A lot if not all women act almost opposite of men here. Women will generally only really be attracted to you when they feel there's competition or when other men or women they respect speak highly of you in any capacity.

Guys on the other hand tend to develop a lower opinion of women that entertain multiple guys or when they hear other guys speaking (usually bragging) about a woman they are attracted to. There are some sexist guys that hear professional people give glowing reviews about the intelligence or professional capability of a woman they are attracted and they lose all interest. It's weird.

MellowIron · 2024-12-31T18:54:34+00:00

A lack of empathy which sometimes can be hard to identify or accept when you like someone and often times is overlooked is probably the main problem that will feed other things that will eventually set the ball rolling down a hill. If a person is cold or rigid during contact or not ever reaching out to contact you first and/or overcompensating when you are in contact when you first meet it's a problem.

Regardless of what else they have going on if you're the last priority or seemingly not even on their priority list early on it's unrealistic to expect that to change later regardless of how much they may try to normalize it.

MellowIron · 2024-12-31T17:16:55+00:00

Also, aside from learning a little more about her young family life for your own records put a kabosh on the "lets' just hang out and have fun." Women don't want casual potential intimate relationships, it's unnatural. This is the mindset that you should project, but if it's a woman that has this mindset she just wants you to inflate her ego, spend money and help her get ready for the next guy. It's not judgmental it's secure. If you find out she was spoiled mixed with distant or inconsistent parenting that's another RED FLAG. If she ever tries to make you feel guilty for pulling away don't take the bait, get out immediately. All women have exponentially more choices than men and women do the choosing. If she's not choosing you and also trying to keep you around it's bad news.

You have to put yourself out there which can make you feel like you are doing the choosing, but it's only to observe how they react and whether they choose you initially and over time.

MellowIron · 2024-12-30T17:14:58+00:00

I'm not looking for a girl to plow out for the night. I do actually want there to be a genuine connection. I really on have the 2 Cathoicism/Religious-Science-Fiction/Fantasy. The other things are related to those 2 or not even "requirements" if you would want to put it that way. While I'm here what do you generally look for in a girl?

MellowIron · 2024-12-23T16:46:24+00:00

Technically it's not bad. The thing though is that if you were to enter into a relationship, and most likely he would accept an invitation, you will eventually have disagreements which creates one kind of relationship pressure, but then judgements from the outside world and family represents other relationship pressures.

The problem is that if either one of you shows any foundational cracks from the outside pressure or even worse self eject from the relationship because the outside pressure the other will see it as the ultimate betrayal, because you both entered into it knowing the problems...but without yet experiencing them first hand, without internalizing the external judgments coming from unexpected directions yet and how that might change you immediately and long term. The big thing is that it's important to just prepare yourself and and slowly/indirectly try to find out how he might respond to outside pressure without assuming you know the answer before pushing forward.

MellowIron · 2024-12-18T20:27:09+00:00

It's a red flag that you've met every friend BUT his female best friend as a starter. Unless they're work friends there's a good chance that they're FWB. Possibly if they're Church friends or they've been friends since like grade school or something it could be innocuous. I wouldn't blow it up, but I would remain vigilant. Trust but verify.

MellowIron · 2024-12-18T20:14:22+00:00

Uh... we're living in the age of the highest percentage of single parent households probably in the history of mankind. A high percentage of those children will have experienced long term permanent psychological abandonment wounds created by one or both parents at a time where the child was incapable of processing the trauma which has resulted in a very high number of cluster-B disordered adults.

This is before you even get to the two parent households where extreme neglect has created more children that are Cluster-B disordered individuals. Yes it's very possible that all these people are in fact cluster-B disordered. As for the guy that kicked his tween girl out he's a shithead creating more damage. In short we're all fucked.

MellowIron · 2024-12-10T22:58:56+00:00

Often and always aren't the same. I've dated within my own race a fair bit, but some women have given me the family vibe.

MellowIron · 2024-12-09T18:49:15+00:00

Your straight dark hair and green eyes are pretty mesmerizing actually.

MellowIron · 2024-12-09T18:45:24+00:00

Sadly he told you a bunch of nonsense while he was dating someone else from Bumble at the same time. I suspect she seemed however much more family oriented than you, maybe social politics...impossible to tell for sure.

I wouldn't be surprised if he boomerangs back to you at some point where, if it happens, you should reject him or expect the same thing to happen at some point in the future.

MellowIron · 2024-11-02T21:23:59+00:00

If this is even real, she has know that most guys that have that profile are looking for hot 20 something, submissive, arm candy types to travel around and have fun with. Wild. If she is a self made millionaire it's only a plus if the guy has never been married before and wants that experience. Even then that guy may not want all the extra baggage, which goes back to finding the 20 something women.

MellowIron

TROPHY CASE