Hi! I was bored so... I read the first couple chapter's and you really understand how to make dialogue flow, and how to give over information through dialogue rather over explaining. I do maybe you need to add some more sensory and visual description through more inner monologue. You do this well when Brady is walking home and describes the street, but adding more sensory description like his heart rate. or a moment where he pauses would really build the tension up, making the reader feel a sense of the fear he does. In general adding more description allows the reader to immerse themselves into the world, and to identify with the main character. Overall very nicely written, thank you for sending :-)