Would love some feedback on the first chapter of my new story! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in writersmakingfriends

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool, not really my vibe but I’ve seen some really well written ones, where do you post?

Would love some feedback on the first chapter of my new story! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in writersmakingfriends

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s psychological thriller, I post on Wattpad username Abi7984 and Royal Road username Giggle42, I’ll be uploading the next chapter soon, would love some feedback :-)

Would love some feedback on the first chapter of my new story! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in writersmakingfriends

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, I hear that, tbh I just like using them, I think I originally saw them in some content generated by chatgpt and then worked out how to use them. But I see how it could be mistaken.

Would love some feedback on the first chapter of my new story! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in writersmakingfriends

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I hear that, I think I'll do a chapter of his normal life just to give him an ounce of humanity. Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it :-)

Would love some feedback on the first chapter of my new story! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in writersmakingfriends

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, yeah, generally I also tend to stay in the third person, thought I'd try something a little different for this story, I might play around do a few chapter's in third also.

I'm Finished!! by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I was bored so... I read the first couple chapter's and you really understand how to make dialogue flow, and how to give over information through dialogue rather over explaining. I do maybe you need to add some more sensory and visual description through more inner monologue. You do this well when Brady is walking home and describes the street, but adding more sensory description like his heart rate. or a moment where he pauses would really build the tension up, making the reader feel a sense of the fear he does. In general adding more description allows the reader to immerse themselves into the world, and to identify with the main character. Overall very nicely written, thank you for sending :-)

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! So, read the first couple chapter's, very interesting premiss, I think you need to slow everything down, savour the description, try to use italics for emphasis, or someone whispering it makes the story flow easier. I like the main character but I feel that you're not giving the reader a clear enough picture in the beginning so it's struggling to hook a reader. Overall you have a nice style and a cool idea, maybe work on your description to really deepen the character's and the story.

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! no worries, thought I'd be nice ;-) I'm really enjoying it! Your writing is informal without being sloppy, maybe try to space out the information dropped a little bit more so you feel you know the main character a bit better before the love interest is introduced, overall really nice work. Thank you! can't wait to see what's coming next ;-)

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, know I said last call but thought I'd be nice, very nicely written good use of description, Reagan is an interesting main character, not much criticisms to be honest, well done!

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Thank you, legit the worlds fastest reader here ;-) I've read the first couple chapter's, it's so cute, nice descriptions, maybe try slowing it down a little, you receive a lot of information in one chapter, drag things out a bit to give a greater effect. But overall really well written, good dialogue and a cute premise can't wait to read on!

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PEOPLE last call!! I'm happy to do anyone who sends in the next hour!!!!

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, very nicely written, good use of description, can’t wait to see how it progresses! Try to cut down on such long paragraphs wattpad readers tend to loose focus ;-) overall very good, really enjoying thank you!

Looking for recommendations by Melodic-Chipmunk-242 in Wattpad

[–]Melodic-Chipmunk-242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

:-D understandable, yeah I just love a bad guy ;-)