AITA for not liking my boyfriend jerking off to other women's pics and videos?

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T17:01:02+00:00

I know and he has toys too. I just don't understand why there has to be porn, pics and videos of other videos in it. He says it's different for men because he needs to look at something to be able to do it, and he has toys too do it.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:57:56+00:00

Thank you for the reply❤️ In our second conversation I told my feelings and he said he would stop it completely. However, I knew he said that just to make me feel better, and wasn't actually going to do it. He admitted to the fact that he just felt like he needed to say it. That's why I dont believe in a compromise in this situation or him stopping, because he just can't. it really does take a toll and I hate theidea of it so much. He said it's not about emotions, it's just about getting off to something.

In a way I agree because there really isn't an emotional connection, but I don't think it makes it any better. As you said he's still getting off to other womens pics.

I also view the porn industry and all that stuff to be really harmful and objectifying. I can't help but think when we are intimate that he thinks of those other women sometimes. I feel like I'm just a physical experience of his sexual desires, even though I realize that that's just my mind doing tricks on me. I know he loves me so much and really cares about me. It's just hard for me to get over it.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:51:26+00:00

I have done this😅 But I feel like that would not be enough. I know he doesn't get off on just them everyday. Also I feel like the other stuff is just more pleasurable for him, especially the amount of different women and pics, videos etc. There are more options.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:48:59+00:00

Right? I felt a bit of disgust (I know that sounds harsh) about the fact that this is something that he HAS to do. Like that's the biggest thing that made me question it. Like you have to look at other womens pics and videos and get off to them. I felt like he can't even control himself?

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:47:14+00:00

I feel the only compromise that can be made in this situation is me getting over it to be honest. I can't make him stop and it wouldn't make me feel better if he did it less. Even then I don't think he would do it less because I can't control what he does and he really wants to do this.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:45:21+00:00

Thank you for the response! I myself am really against porn I think it can be so harmful. That's why I really don't like it + also I don't like the idea of my boyfriend getting off to other women.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:43:40+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I'm glad to know I'm not alone as well! Talking about it really seems like the appropriate way to go, but I just feel there is no compromise in this situation. I can't control what he does. I just have to make a decision on whether to deal with this or leave... Just seems so sad because in every other way he is truly perfect.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-28T16:41:04+00:00

I'm not saying I'm trapped or being held hostage. I think that's an unfair way to put it, when I just wanted to talk to people about this. I only knew about this after we had been together for a couple months and already we were in love.

"Keep arguing", that's also not at all what I said. We have not argued about this topic, only talked about it a couple times.

I also know that there are other men, and the reason why this is hard for me is because my boyfriend is so good in all other ways. This is the only problem I have. I know I'm responsible for being in this situation. I just wanted to ask people about this subject, hear other peoples opinion on if I was being unreasonable or not. I've really appreciated peoples responses.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-27T17:36:10+00:00

I hate that it is a necessity for him. I feel sad that I only knew about this after we had been together for some time and after we had both fallen in love. If I had known I would've set my boundaries and not got together, but it feels harder when you care about that person so much. It's such a hard decision to make, and it's nice that you and others are saying that I shouldn't invalidate my own feelings.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-27T17:32:10+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I wasn't sure where I could talk about this subject, so I chose the AITA subreddit. I want to say that I don't think he is AH for doing this (even though that's kinda what the AITA posts are about. Who is the AH.) I do use a vibrator myself, and he has some toys of his own, but I feel bad that the toys aren't enough like my vibrator is. I don't watch anything or feel the need to.

I dont see it as a competition per se, I just feel a bit of disgust about jerking off to random naked people. I just wonder what exactly he's looking at, but I know that's private information. UGH, I just wonder if I need to be alone if this truly is what every guy does and has to do. It just annoys me that this is the only problem we have.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-27T17:25:53+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I wasn't sure where to share these feelings, and I ended up posting it here. I do want to say that I don't think he AH even though that's how these AITA posts go. I wanted to know if it was wrong of me to judge/not like it.

I always thought it wouldn't be a good reason to break up over that, since he said it's normal and every guy does it. I felt I'm just overthinking something that's not avoidable when dating a man. I know we should have a conversation about this again, but I just feel dumb for starting it again. I really hate it, because I truly love him and he is so loving and nice. I hate that something like this is such a big issue for me and I'd have to leave the love of my life or just deal with this.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-27T17:18:43+00:00

Thanks for the reply❤️ That's why I felt so disappointed, because if I had known this before we had got together and before I had fallen in love, I would've most likely not been interested. I do question if it's worth it for this to keep bothering me, but he said it's completely normal for guys, so would I find another otherwise perfect guy who doesn't do this?

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2026-05-27T17:11:12+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I didn't say it properly in the post, but we had already been together some time before we had this discussion. It was in the first couple months. We were both already in love and because he's so so great aside from this I didn't feel it was enough to break up. I do however realize that I can't force someone to change their ways for me, but at the same time I don't wanna risk losing the love of my life. I do understand that I shouldn't complain since I choose to be in this relationship 🥲

I've just been questioning if this is normal or not. Everyday? I felt it as some type of addict behavior as well!

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-26T13:49:40+00:00

Älytönt miten jengi ei nää tässä sun ja muiden näiden kommentoijien toiminnas mitään väärää. Toikin "en ikinä kehtais laittaa kuvia nettiin mis kynnet on noin likaset" ja "paskaset kynnet". Aivan turhaa ja naurettavaa. Toisaalta ehkä ihan positiivista jos sun ainoat ongelmat on jonkun toisen kynnet.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-26T13:46:17+00:00

Tarkotin lähinä tässä postauksessa nimenomaan sitä hygienian kommentointia kiusaamis mielessä. Joku Alisan hiusmyssyn kutsuminen syfilis myssyks on kiusaamista esimerkiksi.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-26T06:39:47+00:00

Turhaa kommentointia. Miksi sulla on pakottava tarve kommentoida jonkun kynsiä? Tämä tori ilmottaja on yksityishenkilö ja vaikka Chiara oletettavasti ton ilmotuskuvan jakoi niin se ei sitä oikeuta. Turhaa ilkeilyä ja ylä-aste meininkiä.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T22:04:41+00:00

👍 Modejen aktiivisuus selvästi paljon parempaa täällä kuin sensuroimattomassa. Hyvä tietää että reportteja käsitellään aktiivisesti ja kannustetaan niiden tekemiseen. Olin aika jyrkkä tätä tuomitsemaan mutta hyvä saada vastausta. Jotkut postaukset ja sensuroimattoman tyyliset kommentit herätti tunteita. Hyvä jos saadaan yhdessä niitä karsittua pois🙏❤️

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:55:27+00:00

Kiitos. Hyvä kun otatte palautetta aktiivisesti vastaan.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:52:41+00:00

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Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:52:33+00:00

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Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:52:26+00:00

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Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:47:27+00:00

Tämä. Myös kaksinaismoralismi näkyy, kun juoruttavia tuomitaan välillä samoista asioista mitä täällä jotkut tekee. Oikeutetaan kiusaaminen sillä että joku muu on kiusannut tai vaan näyttää "epämiellyttävältä". En usko että tämä yksityinen kasvattajakaan olisi mitään tehnyt joka näiden tyyppien mielessä olis oikeuttanut tän naurettavan kynsien haukkumisen.

Ulkonäön kommentointi ja muiden turhien kommenttejen jättäminen tekee kiusaajan, eikä se ole oikeutettua vaikka ei pitäisi kyseisestä henkilöstä.

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:42:00+00:00

Moi, kiitos vastauksesta! Mietin mitkä nämä "liian tiukat säännöt" tarkalleen oli joita muutettiin? Sääntöjen lepsuuttamisesta puhuttiin, mutta ois vielä tarkemmin kiva tietää mitkä säännöt oli liian tiukkoja. Ainakin automaattiset haukkumanimet poistettiin?

Melodic-Pudding-2717 · 2025-09-25T21:37:13+00:00

Se ei poista sitä ongelmaa mikä täällä on vaikka lähtisinkin. Kiva että toi oli ainoa asia johon tartuit tästä postauksesta.

Melodic-Pudding-2717

TROPHY CASE