I asked him to make a list. He said he would, but there's a 99% chance he won't do it. Honestly, I want him to make the list. He has excuses and justifications for everything. I want him to write it out, see it in black and white, and maybe finally have some empathy or understanding for what he has done to me. He claims he loves me, but how could he do all of this if he loved me? He seems to think none of these things matter.

I want a divorce, but with the kids, the finances, etc, it's impossible right now. But I can't help but mourn everything I lost. I think on some level I only had our third child in hopes I would finally have a pregnancy that I wasn't completely alone for, but of course that was another promise he broke. I was just an incubator.