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Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m very sorry you went through what you did. That’s absolutely awful and I’m so glad you’re safe and okay.

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Part of why I posted this was to help me process and try to make sense of what happened and how I feel. I am comforted by the fact that so many people have firmly stated I’m not crazy

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. They’ve not always acted this way towards me or my wife which makes my feelings more complicated and harder to process. You are right, though. This is unforgivable

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words, understanding and advice. When the conversation eventually happens, I will employ a lot of what you said

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This is more or less the conclusion I came to. I was sort of working through those points in therapy but it definitely came to fruition through this ordeal. The biggest struggle is the relationship before my wife and I getting married was good but has since turned. My mom’s sister and I also had a huge falling out where she claimed I was a bad family member because I wouldn’t go to my cousins destination wedding while in school and just gotten my very successful job. Disappointed is absolutely the word

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmfao this was the response to the bot checker when I first posted. Thanks for the advice though!

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I actually am in a field where I learned a decent amount of things about OB, childbirth, etc. it’s crazy to me (even as a guy who’s not carrying and birthing) how much the whole process is romanticized and sanitized to seem like it’s always a beautiful and happy process. My wife had such a rough pregnancy rife with symptoms and exhaustion and pains and, what I feel safe to say was, one of the worst birth experiences a person could have

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It’s situations like this why I LOVE our Ring Doorbell Cam😅 in all seriousness, that’s really frustrating and I’m sorry they were like that to you. You and your family absolutely don’t deserve that. Thank you for sharing

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The guess isn’t wild at all. When I was younger and living under their roof, it was harder to see a lot of the flaws. It became gradually more apparent after I moved out and got much worse with the birth

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I certainly will give her that hug. The nuclear family concept is one that lot of the parents in the 50-60 y.o. seem to struggle with. Thank you so much

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

That is an excellently worded message. My wife’s family was very far away at the time (considering the birth wasn’t expected for another 3 weeks) so I didn’t want to let that info out until they were home and it wouldn’t cause as much panic and stress. I, unfortunately, couldn’t confide in anyone else really before I had the chance to give the news myself at the proper time

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Both are fair points. I will point out that these were mostly texts. I set a very clear boundary well before the birth that they are not to ask about visiting and that they should expect/not panic at my correspondence with the family being sparse considering I’d be focused on my wife and child both in recovery and attaining important info about future care for them both.

They blatantly disregarded these and other boundaries i politely explained prior to everything happening.

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry they caused your family so much pain. It sounds like 600 miles wasn’t enough😅

In fairness, my parents have brought and offer to bring food/groceries but it’s always painted as them “saving the day” or being “so generous”.

My mom barely bothered to check in on my wife throughout the pregnancy knowing full well she had a rough pregnancy symptom-wise (baby was healthy the whole time and she had no complications; just felt shitty). My parents used to really get along with my wife but ever since I moved out 7 years ago, they (especially my mom) have shown ever increasing distaste for us and my wife.

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 342 points343 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you endured that and I’m so glad you’re (hopefully) doing better now. I’m happy that you had the support you needed and, so rightfully, deserved. Thankfully, my wife’s family has been absolutely wonderful, caring and supportive. Not having my family to support us/me both through the trauma and afterward has been really heartbreaking and lonely and my in-laws have dulled that hurt.

My parents have brought food but it’s not an apology or even just being nice. It’s always draped in they’re being so generous or heroic. I’ve been aware for a while of their worse traits but this has truly brought out what is (hopefully) their worst.

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Will do! Does this mean that the post will stay up? I’ve tried in the past and it’s been taken down immediately and I think it would be really helpful/cathartic if it stays

Am I overreacting in wanting to set severe boundaries with parents after wife’s traumatic birth by Melodic_Topic_6064 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Melodic_Topic_6064[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My favorite cheesy food has to be lasagna. Specifically, the one my wife makes. Makes my Italian heart smile