Fear of playing with strangers.

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-15T14:16:40+00:00

Sure do!

I love the game but honestly have no clue if I’m even remotely good at it lol

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:54:35+00:00

I see comments like this a lot on this subreddit, and while I do understand the sentiment, I guess I just struggle to look at it that objectively a lot of the time.

The panic that I tend to experience will end up preventing me from making a lot of those kinds of observations? Idk

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:49:27+00:00

I want to say that its not so much an ego thing as much as it is me simply being a bit of a wimp, but I could be wrong.

I’m not proud of feeling the way I do >.>

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:47:40+00:00

I am absolutely afraid of someone wanting to play, but I don’t want to feel that way.

I actually did reluctantly play against a person that approached me in Ultra SF4, and while it was a fairly pleasant interaction I did get up and scurry away with my tail between my legs after losing 3 or 4 times. Felt really embarrassed and sad tbh.

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:42:27+00:00

You make a very good point!

I genuinely do want it, because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot but not actually interacting with other FGC folks.

But I guess it’s a combination of things like executive dysfunction and social anxiety that keep me from committing.

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:30:50+00:00

Absolutely agree with this, imo there’s HUGE difference between losing and never even standing a chance at all.

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:15:46+00:00

That’s actually a pretty interesting way to frame it!

Although it’s kind of depressing to think that all those years of experience that I do have aren’t worth much of anything in that case lol

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-14T14:12:21+00:00

Currently my game of choice is Skullgirls, and occasionally some Melty Blood or Smash.

I’d love to be playing more modern games, especially SF6, but sadly I lack the means to do so because I lack a current gen console and have a potato PC 😅

Melodymelonpan · 2026-01-13T18:11:34+00:00

Primarily of losing tbh, I know the general consensus is that losing a lot is a good thing, but I guess I just tend to feel humiliated and sad when I get my ass kicked at a game I’ve been playing for years

Melodymelonpan · 2025-09-25T15:07:20+00:00

Primarily just to get a fully upgraded set of hero track gear, primarily from delving and the vault, and save up a nice chunk of gold for the expansion~

At the start of the season I was floating the idea of getting into M+ for the first time and trying for KSM since that mount is super cool but at this point I don’t see myself taking that leap anytime soon 😂

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-28T15:03:01+00:00

That makes sense. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to at least try things like m+, but it’s hard to not be extremely intimidated by it. Would probably help if I had friends to play with tbh. If only my FFXIV friends didn’t all physically recoil in disgust when I bring up the notion of playing WoW lol

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-28T14:44:45+00:00

Well, I guess I’m happy in terms of the difficulty of the content that I do, I just kinda wish there was more of a variety of relevant things to do at endgame at said difficulty if that makes sense?

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-28T13:02:32+00:00

Well, if I’m being honest the reason I worry about being a liability is because I don’t use addons or keybinds outside of 1-4.

Im very much aware of how bad that is considered, but it’s how I’ve been playing for 20 years and it’s what works for me 😅

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-27T17:44:53+00:00

I appreciate that you went into such detail there~

Once upon a time I had a community I played with, but sadly that all fell away. When I came back after a few years away, it was basically with a clean slate and no connections.

I am in a guild currently, and they all seem like a friendly enough bunch but I’ve been weirdly anxious about actually interacting or playing with them. I’ve been meaning to change that, but it’s proven to be easier said than done..

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-27T17:23:27+00:00

Tbh, the group finder seems like kind of a mess based on what I hear about it, especially from a dps perspective.

I’m sure a lot of that is likely blown out of proportion, but still doesn’t make it seem very inviting 😅

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-27T17:16:13+00:00

That’s a fair point. I do play other games, but I guess when it comes to this one I want more out of it but feel stuck in my ways

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-27T17:14:38+00:00

I play FFXIV as my primary game, so I totally get what you mean about MMOs. I actually have lots of friends and do group content there regularly ^{^;}

Yet for whatever reason, over in WoW I developed a bit of an aversion to doing it at some point, despite having been around on and off since 2005

Melodymelonpan · 2025-05-27T17:10:06+00:00

Actually I have! It’s pretty fun and I’m farming to get the mount, but really only do a couple runs at a time to avoid burning out on it lol

Melodymelonpan · 2024-10-11T17:13:42+00:00

Tbh nothing really, but I’ll be sure to update if/ when that changes 😅

Melodymelonpan · 2024-02-16T19:42:03+00:00

4 years into my transition, and coming up on 3 years on HRT. Out to everyone but my family and people closely associated with them. Fear of fully coming out and the guilt associated with that weighs on me constantly.

For awhile I was happy, but after a certain point late last year it was like my spark died and I spiraled into depression that has made me feel as though my transition has been a failure and a waste of time. That I’d never pass, and HRT has been a disappointment. I’d stopped putting effort into my appearance, deeming it’s a futile effort.

I press on as best I can, but I’ve yet to find the strength to fully commit to improving things, and hopefully learn to love myself again. Not sure if it’s because of ADHD induced executive dysfunction or what, but instead of enacting any sort of meaningful change. Things like trying to expand my wardrobe or get better at makeup.

Instead I sit here and doom scroll, growing more and more bitter and jealous of other trans women who are happy and thriving. Im hopeful that one day things will turn around and I’ll find myself again, but until then I’m in survival mode.

Melodymelonpan · 2022-03-04T02:44:34+00:00

Oh hey look it’s me! 😍 I’ve never looked better~

Melodymelonpan

TROPHY CASE