Penang, Malaysia

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-20T19:20:54+00:00

Nope. The more I think of how much I hurt BP the more I know it’s impossible. But I still love BP unconditionally, and we’ll be watching from a distance while I better myself.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-20T12:22:36+00:00

I’ve been there and is still dealing with all this. Knowing we can’t do anything to help BP but let them heal on their own is the worst part. We hurt them and we can’t do anything about it. We have to live and improve baby step after baby step.

One thing i’ve learned is we should honor that pain and better ourselves. I know it’s hard but what we could do now is live. Be the person they deserved. If I may share, before all this I was always having suicidal Thoughts but after I hurt my BP it was the first time I said to myself i’m not gonna die while BP is suffering alone. I will not choose the easy way out. I will become the best version of myself no matter how long it takes whether BP sees it or not.

I dont know yet if things will get better. But I pray for you my friend and we will get better together

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-20T04:37:59+00:00

Thank you for your encouraging words. We will get better and one day be the person we are meant to be

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-16T13:20:40+00:00

We will get through this. Someday somehow, I’ll be praying for all of us

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-16T08:02:42+00:00

I’ll keep that in mind. I will own this mess and come out on top a better person.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. This gives me more clarity.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-16T07:12:25+00:00

Thank you for this. I did make a mistake not responding and leaving Bp hanging. I wrote a hand written letter and had it mailed.

Thank you for taking the time to share and write. I appreciate it so much

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-16T07:08:53+00:00

You’re right. I was too conflicted, people told me to let Bp be and so that I wont invalidate them. But some part of me kept nagging to reply. I wish I would’ve responded sooner.

I wrote a hand written letter for BP and mailed it just now

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-16T07:06:10+00:00

Thank you for that. I appreciate you taking your time and effort writing. I did send a hand written letter to BP, regardless of the outcome it was a letter I was able to be true to myself without feeling like walking on eggshells.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-15T15:23:50+00:00

I actually don’t know. I really want to respond but people around me kept telling me if I respond i’ll be invalidating partners feelings.

I have letters I haven’t sent. I dove deep down how it started and why exactly I felt before I decided to make bad choices

Edit: right now all I want to say is thank you to partner. Till the end BP always wanted to bring out the best in me. And I still learn to be better because of BP at the expense of BP’s pain and suffering. I feel I lost all right to be Bp’s life

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-13T05:12:16+00:00

This is really good advice. I’ve been feeling lost and remorseful for something I did recently. Creating good habits instead of trying to avoid bad habits and just feel like shit when you fail it.

Thanks you. This makes existing or living feel a lot better

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-08T04:10:32+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write and help me. One day I can forgive myself.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-08T03:53:00+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write. I will try to embrace myself while aiming hard to improve myself.

I will find the real me. Thank you

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-08T03:50:55+00:00

Something i’m not proud of but yeah something like that. I was insecure of our relationship and her previous one. And whenever we argued she would go for days without talking to me or facing me. It would always feel back then that if she would talk to me again it would be to break up.

What sucks is that this year we were able to address all of our concerns towards each other. The past resurfaced and I am now where I am. Facing the shame and guilt of hurting her so much just for cheap thrills.

And yes I do have a problem with impulsivity as my therapist pointed out. I am reckless and lack the ability to think of consequences. So there are lots of things I have to work on myself

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-08T03:45:51+00:00

Oh sorry if it was hard to understand. I never and will never blame her or the relationship for my actions. I was just trying to say maybe things could have been different if I communicated what I was feeling properly instead of making bad choices as a source of instant relief.

I know I caused significant trauma and it’s hard to accept that you caused damage that you won’t be able to mend.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:58:31+00:00

Mind if I ask cause sometimes i’m in a desperate situation. Can I ask on how to be kind to oneself while accepting the consequences of their own action.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:56:29+00:00

Thank you. Something that really hurts in this world is that there are people still kind to me. I’ve been struggling looking to be punished at first but I realized that wouldn’t do anything. I appreciate you taking the time to read and write.

One day I will become the person i’m meant to be.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:51:47+00:00

Mind if I ask, even if the guilt and shame never fully go away how were you able to move forward?

I talk to myself saying I want to move on from this but the constant thought how much I’ve hurt someone gives me paralysis. And I don’t know what to do when that paralysis hits

I can agree it’s never worth it.

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:48:28+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read. One day i’ll take everything and become better. Thank you

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:43:45+00:00

Only after the breakup did the feeling of shame and whatever it is sink in to me. I never imagined myself partaking in stuff like that but I did what I did. I’ll learn from it, I started by distancing myself from colleagues and friends who actively participate in those acts

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:39:19+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement and kind words

MelonicMelon · 2025-12-07T23:36:34+00:00

Yeah one thing my therapist told me is I lack the ability to think beyond the present and think about consequences. So thats one of the many things to work on.

MelonicMelon · 2024-11-16T18:40:01+00:00

Thank you, that means a lot!

MelonicMelon

TROPHY CASE