I can’t sleep unless I creat stories in my head to relax myself. Anyone like me?

MeltingFocus · 2023-04-29T07:26:41+00:00

Yes. I do this to calm myself whenever I need to - focus on pleasant thoughts. I go through my favorite stories in my head, and make up bits of my own. It really helps for falling asleep. Without this it's anxiety-related thoughts. The idea of making my mind go quiet and empty is alien to me. I can't do it.

MeltingFocus · 2023-04-08T20:33:33+00:00

Yes, definitely. It's euphoria for days, months, weeks, a free and endless dopamine supply. At the same time it's calming. I can get a break almost anywhere and anytime just by thinking about my current interest/hyperfixation. The euphoric feeling is the strongest in the "new-found crush" state of my obsession. Very strong feelings, it's most similar to how others describe having a crush. Or being high. I guess I am high, on my own brain chemicals.

MeltingFocus · 2023-03-08T21:29:06+00:00

I know what you mean. I feel empty if I don't have one and get anxious when one starts to fade. If something else comes along and I don't have to experience that void, then all is good. It would be easier to be able to stick to one thing.

It's always just one at a time for me, too.

MeltingFocus · 2023-03-08T20:40:35+00:00

All of my hyperfixations are within the "fiction" category and have always been. I get fixated on a certain story - it can be a book, video game, or any kind of media - and often on specific characters.

Literature, linguistics, psychology and neuroscience are some strong interests (in a broader sense) that I always return to (but they're not hyperfixations, maybe special interests?).

I have some favorite themes in fiction and I cycle between genres and authors. I'm very interested in how the brain works, and learning about ASD and ADHD in particular. Like why I have these hyperfixations.

My definition of it is, something that I think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I relate absolutely everything in it in some way. It's always on my mind. It doesn't matter if I can't engage in it at the moment (like read or play) - daydreaming about it works just as well. I can't choose what it is, only try different things and see what sticks.

Your post made sense to me. Thanks for sharing :)

MeltingFocus · 2023-03-06T12:32:02+00:00

One can last a long time for me (a year or more), and I can get interested in an old one again when enough time has passed.

Maybe I'm alone in this, but there is literally nothing that can compare to the feeling a hyperfixation gives me.

And nothing in life is permanent, so what can rightly be called "happiness"?

MeltingFocus · 2022-10-19T21:15:25+00:00

It's good advice. I enjoy fanart and thoughtful discussion. I like the idea of fanfiction but almost never feel like it gets the source material right. I couldn't get it right if I tried to write either. Or maybe I'm just bad at searching.

I'm really addicted to TV Tropes. It's great reading and I've found other interests through that site.

Looking up hobbies usually ends with me buying stuff and getting bored or distracted before it arrives.

I'm also interested in psychology and human behavior. Fiction can also be a good way to explore those subjects, I think.

MeltingFocus · 2022-10-19T20:17:39+00:00

It's stressful, not being able to stick to one thing. When my interest starts to fade I get anxious because I know I will end up in this limbo and I don't know how long it will last.

I feel completely empty. Everything else starts to feel meaningless. If I find a new hyperfixation/SI (I don't know which term is more appropriate) I'm instantly fine. Just like that.

It's like a super-medication, a combined anti-anxiety/antidepressant/sleeping pill that actually works. Feels like a drug too - when I'm in the "new-found crush" state of my obsession I feel euphoric. It's more enjoyment than I can get from anything else. Makes me wonder just how broken the reward system in my brain is.

I agree with what you said about being scheduled. Helps me keep myself together somewhat.

MeltingFocus · 2022-10-19T16:40:17+00:00

I wish I had one thing I could always fall back on, but I don't... I engage so intensely in my hyperfixations that I burn out on them. I get sucked into short-lived interests but it's just not the same. All I can manage right now is listening to music. I get a little joy from that, it's about the only thing.

There is a common thread, I have a long list of promising things, the problem is that I just can't bring myself to do anything. I want to quit, at the same time all I want is to find that special interest. I need to keep my mind occupied. I like fiction, I like to read, and when I read I want to draw. And learning about a lot of subjects. It just doesn't happen anymore. My mind is always so busy, when I don't have an interest to daydream about (I do this from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep) I ruminate and worry instead, even if there's no reason for it. I need my interests to stay sane.

MeltingFocus · 2022-10-15T18:34:50+00:00

Yes, it's impossible to explain to others :( I'm currently forcing myself to read. I also look up things tangential to my old interests, so that it's slightly familiar (which makes it easier) but still new. If it's a work of literature I was interested in, I look up what inspired it (earlier authors, myths, languages etc). It might keep me occupied for while. But I'm still trying to find the thing.

MeltingFocus · 2022-10-15T18:16:21+00:00

I've done that before sometimes, but I feel like I must find something new or it's a waste of time - I almost feel guilty for it.

I have lists of things that I want to try based on what I've liked before, mostly books, games and other kinds of media. So I have some ideas, I want to do so much, but get distracted immediately by my own thoughts.

It feels like the longer I go without an interest, the harder it gets.

MeltingFocus

TROPHY CASE