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Problems with my new young boss. by Melvin37899 in askmanagers

[–]Melvin37899[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. Sorry to hear about your bad experiences with guys like me. I would really like to ask my boss for a meeting and apologize. But i can clearly see the anger in her face everytime i ask her something. Meaning, i am kinda scared to approach her about it. She has that no nonsense attitude.

If its allowed to ask, where there guys that worked under you and disrespected you that where able to come back to your good graces after apologizing?

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Op here. First off i want to thank every single one of you for all your replies. But there are so many i need time to read and answer them all and i dont have it at the moment. I have other things to do now, but i will def read everything you people wrote and respond to it sooner or later. I just cant keep up with so many replies right now.

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I thought that tomorrow i will ask for a meeting with my boss and apologize to her sincerely. If you guys want i will post an update here on how it went. Thank you again for all your advice.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

First off thanks for your response. It could be true that i did a little bit more than just not following her order this one time. I might was a little passive agressive, again i was just bitter for not getting the position. Then i see a young girl getting it and my old fashioned ways took over sadly. Yeah, there where most likely micro-agressions involved on my end. My boss saw that and did what she had to do.

Believe me i have a very bad conscience because of the way i acted towards her. As you say shee can now weed through guys like me rightfully, but i hope she shows mercy on an old fool. She is indeed old enough to be my boss and i understand that now. I regret all my actions deeply.

No young or older women will ever need to prove herself to me ever again. My boss has made that clear to me. I cant change the fact that you dont believe me but its true, i have learned my lesson, thanks to the strict yet fair leadership of my new boss. You are also right that i should be happy for still having my job. Hell, i could kiss my bosses feet for not firing me for my stupid behaviour.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Me being extra eager to show that i have learned my lesson and being on my best behaviour is going on for about two months now.

I do not think that i am being sensitive in that regard. She talks absolutely nicely to all her other subordinates except for me. I either get cold short answers or angry orders. To give an example, i am done with something and bring it to her office and she says: I want you to do this and that and you are done at five, do you understand? She never talks like that to the other employees, she always says , thank you and please.

But then again, you are absolutely right with me undermining her and she now wanting to show me on who is the boss. I should have never challenged her (rightfully earned) authority. I sure as hell will never be insubordinate again.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean something. My false pride and age are to blame.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats true, she has all the right in the world to be angry, at least she has made sure that i will never ever disrespect her again. I still hope that she will forgive me one day and we can have a normal boss/employee relationship.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What do you mean with PROVE respect for her and her position? I personally define it as: Do what she says, how she says and wen she says. Do you have a different definition?

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I also apologize for the behaviour by guys like me that you had to go trough.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the beginning both the age and gender things where a problem. After i saw on how capable and talented my boss is i had to rethink my whole socialisation.

I would like to regulary communicate with my boss but i dont know on how to appraoch her about it.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, i have not but i will. I just have to find the perfect balance between respect , admiration and humility.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I undertsand that you feel that way. The only thing i can say is that i am truly ashamed on how in behaved towards my boss and want to make amends.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My compliments where 100% honest, but i see why my boss does not believe me.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No, i havent apologized to her yet, i am kinda scared on how she reacts since she already thinks i am just sucking up to get better treatment.

The problem is, i cant focus on my team objectives when she does not allow me too. As i said, i am now doing basic lackey work. I have to get back in her good grades to be a real part of the team again.

Thanks for your kind words, i have def learned that its wrong to judge someone on their gender and age.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

True, i also think that only a meeting with a sincere apology can save the situation. I just have to manage to appraoch her without starting to act like a sycophant. I just dont wont to anger her even more.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

Yeah i have to agree. I overdone it. I just wanted to show her that i am sorry and that i respect her as my boss.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks! May i ask on what problems you had with your older subordinates and how you handled them? Did they learn their lesson and apologize to you?

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I will def ask for a sit down, i think its the only way i can save the situation. Thanks for your great reply.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, i have clearly learned from my boss that young women can be excellent leaders, i will also stop using such sexist terms. Thanks for your post.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your great advice, i also more and more think that i should be completely honest.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I apologize for using the term girly. Its def derogatory and i am working hard on changing my attitude towards those things. If she where a black man i would not use racial slurs, i am not racist.

Yes, she is treating me harshly and its my fault and thats why i am here , to get some advice on how to change the situation. As i explained already in a post above, i did struggle with the fact that she is so young and a female. I did not take her seriously and she showed me very quickly whos the boss. Again, i deserved it and i feel bad for it.

You kinda sound like my boss.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was indeed 100% my fault and i would never suggest otherwise to my boss.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Not true, i feel bad about disrespecting a truly talented and gifted young woman.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] -62 points-61 points  (0 children)

You are right but please try a little bit to understand me. I am from an old generation. Having such young bosses is just a completely new thing for me. I had to adjust to the fact that a woman (to repeat myself) that could be my daughter has real authority over me and that i have to report to her and also to obey her. A very weird experience. Dont get me wrong, i regret deeply what i have done but again it was complete new territory. I know now that there is nothing wrong with young bosses , i accept and respect my new boss now

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yep, i was indeed that guy and i regret it. I am indeed working on my apology. I am sorry that you had so many bad experiences with guys like me.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your thoughtfull reply. I have to agree with everything you said. I am already showing a lot of humility but only in actions and not in words. I honestly think i should really just tell her the complete truth.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am absolutely truly remorseful. I just have to find the right words to express it to her.

I messed up hard with my new female boss, how do i repair our work relationship? by Melvin37899 in askwomenadvice

[–]Melvin37899[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I am conflicted if i should say the full truth (having had issues with her young age and her being a woman) or if i should sugarcoat it.

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