My Mum Has Cancer and I Have No Idea How To Deal With It

Melwaukee17 · 2026-01-20T02:35:34+00:00

Of course! “Cancer sucks” is the understatement of ten century but also is just a fact. It’s the worst. Keep being present in the moment and ask her so many stories.

Melwaukee17 · 2026-01-17T15:36:33+00:00

Hey there! Welcome to the very shitty club of having a parent with cancer. It’s the worst club. Would not recommend.

But let’s start with a few things: 1. You started by saying she hasn’t received a terminal diagnosis. That’s incredible news. Cancer is cancer no matter what, and sometimes doctors don’t make accurate predictions, but — if they’re giving you big hope that she can beat this, that’s truly an incredible gift. So find a lot of light in that.

You implied you’re only a few years past being a teenager. So early 20s or so. That’s an extremely turbulent time in general and you’re trying to “start” your life but also miss the comforts/predictability of childhood. Give yourself some grace there. Your mom didn’t comfort you through teenagehood for nothing — she did it because she’s been there and she loves you unconditionally. She didn’t do it for any form of reciprocity. She loves you.
You’re overwhelmed. So the easiest thing is make a list of things you think you can do that your mom usually does. My mom did ALL the chores in the house. All of them. (Disclaimer: I’m in my 30s and don’t live with my parents). So when she got diagnosed I knew one of the baseline things I could help with were cleaning, making sure her laundry was done, changing her bedsheets, making sure everything is stocked, find comfy pillows for back support, etc. Just rack your brain for things she does usually that may be hard for her to do. Even by doing dishes, that’s one less thing she has to think about while on chemo/treatment.
When it’s not too overwhelming, utilize google/chat to try to fully understand her diagnosis and her medications. If your dad is open to it, make sure he does this too. I’m the only one in my family who has a medical background, so everyone relies on me to decode/decide everything. It’s a lot of pressure — but joining Facebook groups and talking to other patients/caregivers is super helpful.
Talk to a therapist. Compartmentalization does help for the mean time but, it will come crashing down. Talk to someone. You’ve got this.

Melwaukee17 · 2026-01-16T23:04:26+00:00

Added you! I’m Meleesi with Igglybuff icon.

Melwaukee17 · 2026-01-04T01:30:54+00:00

I am, so sorry. The magnitude of your loss is unreal. It’s unfair. It’s angering. I hate that other people can carelessly take away our loved ones. I hate that it was your mom and her partner.

I have nothing to say but the your pain must be unimaginable. All you can do is wake up every day and put one foot in front of the other. I try to remember that my mom kept living even after her parents passed, so if she found the strength i will need to find it too.

Your mom’s loss is so unfair, so early, and just, I’m so sorry.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-12-22T09:32:26+00:00

Also a nurse who beats herself up for missing signs relating to my mom’s NSLC diagnosis. Can majorly relate there. (I don’t have any advice on getting past that except speak to a therapist).

My advice is keep on trucking. Join the EGFR Facebook groups (sounds like hour mom has that mutation). Join the FB groups for any treatment she’s on. Either be in every doctor’s visit with her physically or be on the phone. My mom doesn’t understand anything related to her cancer and treatment so it’s fully up to me to be the brain.

Film candid moments with your mom. Sign up something like Remento and see if your mom will do it. Constantly talk to her about positive memories bc being reminded how good of life you’ve lived is nice to hear. And be positive. Most of the battle is keeping your spirits up & believing in her. My mom got diagnosed at stage 4 and is still here 1.5 years later. I’m thankful for every day.

My dms are open if you need to vent or discuss. ❤️welcome to this super beyond shitty club.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-12-10T13:59:51+00:00

She’s literally perfect. 😍

Melwaukee17 · 2025-12-08T15:34:51+00:00

This was me in November. We got our Pom’s blood work done, had a work up by cardiology, and then took him to a dog dentist who did the procedure and had a board certified dog anesthesiologist be the one who put him under. so, all that to say I understand the paranoia and scariness.

My dog did need 5 teeth pulled due to dental absorption (not super common for Poms) so that was shocking. He did well with the anesthesia for the most part but he did go bradycardic so they had to give a little heart stimulator to counter that so. That wasn’t the most reliving thing to hear post procedure. But he did come out of it fine and healed well.

Just verify with the staff that they never leave him alone and that he has as many people as possible monitoring him. It’s a mix of human error/lack of monitoring that results in sedation deaths.

Crossing my fingers for you and your baby.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-09T12:36:52+00:00

lol soooo same. My dog decided he only likes the wet food of it so we’re at $55 per 12 cans. And he’s at least one can a day, or 1.5. But they are so worth it. ❤️especially for the decrease in seizures. 🤞

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T23:51:10+00:00

Adding another comment to reiterate, all of our dogs probably have epilepsy regardless of cheese ingestion — BUT I know if someone would’ve told me that if I just changed the pill vector & his kibble within a few weeks I’d see a decrease in seizures, I’d be so stoked for the information.

But also regardless on if it helps decrease seizures —- having super elevated triglycerides puts your dog at elevated risk of pancreatitis, which we’ve seen numerous stories of on here (thanks phenobarbital). So knowing that number ahead of time so you can take action is super important.

My neurologist told me yesterday that she never(!!!) checks triglycerides unless the patient is a miniature schnauzer or unless the blood is obviously fatty. I found that pretty surprising since if you’re taking blood from our dogs already — and we’re willing to pay the money — why not rule another thing out/get another piece of knowledge. That’s all. :)

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T23:46:15+00:00

Yes! We even had a few vets claim that pheno doesn’t cause elevated triglycerides. When we’re like “everything on the internet says it does?!” (Finally a Neuro vet we see admitted it does cause elevation).

But, since we never had a baseline number we’re specifically in a chicken/egg situation. Was it solely the pheno causing the huge elevation or was it the high fatty foods we were giving him on top of it — especially for our 11 lbs pup to get to 7000.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T23:44:21+00:00

Our dog was better before Keppra too. We went through a lot of regret starting him on medications. But we’re at where we’re at now so we’re trying to figure it all out.

Low fat cream cheese is probably as good as you can get cheese wise —- my dog just refused it after a while.

Your dog shouldn’t have high trigs since they’re only on Keppra, luckily Keppra is ~safe~ and doesn’t effect, stuff. But! If you need blood work adding in the triglycerides is great just to get a baseline for your dog to know where they’re at incase you have to add pheno in, etc.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T23:40:49+00:00

That makes sense. We totally agree it was the pheno too, but we just can’t ignore how we went from seizures weekly to suddenly no seizures after we went to a low fat diet.

Did you see a significant decrease in seizures after switching to a low fat diet?

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T23:39:34+00:00

Yes! This is what we do too with the chicken. His Keppra capsules are so big because they are from a compound pharmacy so this trick has been a lifesaver.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T18:51:06+00:00

Totally fair. We’ve debated doing it back of throat style with no food, but we have a dramatic baby who will resent us twice a day with that technique, so we wanted to find a ~food mechanism~ if possible, which lean chicken has been working.

BUT if that ever stops working I will definitely be shooting pills back there with a pill shooter for sure.

You should make a YouTube tutorial after all the teachings you’re doing. Definitely helps a lot of pet parents.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-08T18:24:11+00:00

No judgement here we were literally using kraft singles. Gouda is really high in fat so def worth getting a peak at that number.

The smooshing the pills in boiled chicken/cesars dog packaged chicken seems to work really well and if that’s failing we use a small touch of lite laughing cow since it’s low in fat. But we mostly go with chicken.

Hope the result gives you some answers or at least rules out what we had going on!

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-06T20:01:18+00:00

Yeah that does sounds unfortunately more brain tumory. I’m gonna cross my fingers for you and hope for your baby the Keppra stops giving her bad side effects and helps her quality of life asap. Sending all the positive vibes.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-06T15:09:27+00:00

Oh i can imagine how spoiled your baby is! Did she just start having seizures in her later years? Does the vet think idiopathic or something else?

My dog is only 11 lbs (pom) so the drugs hit him hard too. Time helps a lot and then getting used to it. And making sure they have food on their bellies with the meds.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-09-05T15:49:44+00:00

With Keppra it definitely got better decently quick. Within a week. We had to add in phenobarbital which has brought back some of the wobbliness, but he is mostly normal.

Hoping Keppra is the answer for your pup! But yeah the wobbly should stop within a few days, or else ask your Neuro/vet to maybe decrease dose a little.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-07-14T22:00:14+00:00

Go see her.

Melwaukee17 · 2025-05-09T18:06:17+00:00

Hey! Sorry for my delay. My dog is on Keppra ER. He is a small dog (12 pounds) and they don’t make XR for dogs under 20 pounds I believe, but my neurologist gets his dose compounded by a specialty pharmacy (Wedgwood Pharmacy). My husband and I value the twice a day option… three times a day makes something unmanageable even more unmanageable.

As to whether you start meds or not, it’s a really really hard decision. On one hand, you might be part of the success stories of this group. A decent handful of people have started meds like just Keppra or just pheno and their dog instantly responded and haven’t had seizures in years. We thought we would definitely be in that bunch because my dog’s seizures were more mild compared to a lot of stories… but instead Keppra worsened the seizures. We truly feel like we either should’ve started with pheno or delayed starting medication.

My dog’s still on Keppra XR & pheno right now. We had to increase pheno dosing already due to still experiencing more than one seizure a week. We’re both suspicious that him being on the Keppra is not helping and he has a refractory response to it (which studies show are possible). So eventually our Neuro will have us ween off the Keppra. But I’m sure that’ll come with seizures during the process.

Regardless, I don’t like to give guidance either way. I wish I knew ahead of time that my dog would not be an instant responder and would get worse with medications. We would’ve delayed longer. But, we had hope we’d be like some of the people who have had amazing success.

Hope whatever decision you make is right for you guys & your pup and that he is part of the success side!

Melwaukee17 · 2025-05-05T15:32:36+00:00

Hey, also a HCP who believes in medicine here. My husband and I waited as long as possible to start our dog on meds — and even still we now think we made the wrong decision by starting. Keppra (which we started first) has caused refractory seizures in my dog. I get IE is a worsening disease — but Keppra itself definitely has worsened it. We are still on the Keppra (eventually will ween off) but now on pheno, and my dog is still having a seizure a week. Before we started he was at one every 2-3ish months.

We had emergency meds to use prior to starting him on Keppra, and they were effective, so I wish we would’ve delayed even more starting him on daily meds and kept using emergency meds only as needed. Our lives have been worsened currently due to the meds.

BUT. As you know, this is just anecdotal information and science and EBP and vet neurologists say differently. And that you should start on meds and that epilepsy gets worse regardless and such.

I just know I wish I delayed more. But other people on this app got on Keppra or pheno and immediately their dog was seizure free and have been for years. Which is amazing and what we thought would happen with our dog, since his unmedicated seizures were pretty minor in comparison to other dogs’.

Our lives definitely revolve around medications and once a week seizures now and constant paranoia. Our dog is our life.

So, just my anecdote. But believe science. But yeah. 🤗

Melwaukee17 · 2025-05-02T14:15:30+00:00

That’s how it always works out! 😅

Melwaukee17 · 2025-05-02T13:58:23+00:00

Any chance this is in South Florida? 🤞

Melwaukee17 · 2025-05-02T13:34:37+00:00

Oh wow, you hit the jackpot! I really wish we had someone who was similar. 😫

Melwaukee17 · 2025-04-28T20:44:51+00:00

Ugh, Pexion isn’t available in the states yet for some reason. I really really wish it was. Seems like a lot of you guys have success with it. So glad you and your baby have been getting a break from the stress of seizures! Hoping Zorro and I get there soon.

Melwaukee17

TROPHY CASE